Need some suggestions in meeting someone like me

[Wade]

This reminds me of a "joke" from gay comedian Simon Amstell:

"I think I've finally figured out my type. It's me, but better. And that's terrible news because that means I need to find someone whose type is himself... but worse."

[freelandia]

Any suggestions?

The unsaid part is your class. Would you also date someone in the lower rank, or have a long-term relationship with him? "Most" highly educated Brits are class conscious. In the end it's not just about similar interests (do you agree?), at least this the way we're getting your post, because in truth, England has enough gay happenings to satisfy one's curiosity.

One of us here is a pure Brit; therefore, we're both seeing your post through British Empire-colored lens.

[Chimpy]

Class boundaries are much more blurred these days than, say, in the 1950s.

If you mean someone of a similar level of education, then yes, that is probably a good thing. I don't care about wealth or how someone speaks or how someone dresses, though.

[obroin]

So I've been single all my life

At 37 I think it's going to be difficult as most gay guys your age are most likely partnered - that's not to say it'll be impossible, but you're going to have to be willing to 'expand your horizons'. I also grew up in a orthodox religious home. Still I managed to muster the courage to come out and deal with the consequences, because I wanted the freedom to be real. being in the closet is NOT helping your situation and I advise you to come out once and for all. When you're out and self-identify as gay - and people know it, you're much more likely to network into a situation where you could find a partner or bf. I have dated a lot in my 20s and managed to have two long term relationships (spanning 18 years)... I think you can too but you're going to have to change your tactics, your thinking, take some additional risks, and be ready to spend the time and effort to find what you're looking for.

I don't like gay bars or clubs because I find most of the people there are really into the whole gay lifestyle, and I'm not the kind of person that wears my sexuality on my sleeve. I have little interest in music or partying.

I'm sorry, but I have to say this would be funny if it wasn't kind of offensive (especially coming from a gay guy). What exactly is the 'whole gay lifestyle'?? This comes across badly and I'd say you may need to look at the possibility you have some internalized homophobia (And if you do, you need to deal with that). OK - Bars and clubs are not for you - but dealing with your discomfort and going to a club is a very good way to meet (and quickly screen) guys as potential friends or bf/partner. You don't have to drink alcohol - non-alcoholic beverages are certainly an option. I think if you look long enough you'll find a gay bar you could visit that isn't too 'uncomfortable' for you (depending on where you live). No one says you have to go 1x or 2x a week, but how about 2x a month? that can't be too difficult. If it is, then see below...

I've tried gay dating/meetup websites, and chatted to or met quite a lot of guys, but they have all just been after sex or not my type. I've met a few gay guys via work, or friends of friends, but they have all already had partners.

This is a very good way to make intros. You probably need to change your profile, and make it crystal clear what you're looking for. Don't interact with people that obviously haven't bothered to read your profile. My advice is to be on multiple dating sites and smartphone gay intro apps.

Lastly... be open to meeting guys who are NOT like you - variety is the spice of life. I'm not talking about str8 guys either. Str8 guys are safe for you b/c it will never work out. Best to look at them as 'off the menu' and move on (that is if you want to stop being alone).

I really do wish you the best of luck and happy hunting!

[putresVigil]

Thanks for the advice. It's a shame there aren't gay clubs for nerds!

Have you ever considered starting one? I mean getting in contact with a local LGBT center via phone or email and asking if you can hang pamphlets and hold meetings in their halls (assuming you have one near enough to). It maybe hard in a smaller town but you seem eloquent and more than capable of the intelligence and tact required in doing something like starting your own LGBT Sci Fi Club. I promise you that if there is no such service then you aren't the only gay gentleman in your area looking for something like that. You could prove to be just what they all need to come out of their shells and meet each other.

Even if the club doesn't net you Mr Right, you may find the boost in confidence that comes from pioneering something like that to make meeting and dealing with guys much easier. And barring romance, think of the potential for new friends you could be making. I am in a similar boat, though younger, so I can sort of sympathize with you.

[Matt84]

There are it's called comic con lol!!

[freelandia]

Class boundaries are much more blurred these days than, say, in the 1950s.

If you mean someone of a similar level of education, then yes, that is probably a good thing. I don't care about wealth or how someone speaks or how someone dresses, though.

Which class do you belong to? My husband's from England, and according to him, not much has changed regarding finding a spouse among the classes. The upper echelon of your society was the focus of our last post. Money talks and connections are always important. There's nothing new there. Class mobility is still hard unless you have lots of money, just like those BBC Period melodrama. Dating and hooking up are fine among classes, but walking down the aisle is something else. Class structure is ingrained in British people, consciously or subconsciously.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/bri...es-1806186

“Because of the financial crisis we think it may be harder for people to move through the classes now," Prof. Devine said.

We hope you find someone who doesn't care about wealth, who will love you for you, the nerd you. My husband doesn't care about wealth because he's penniless, but he's rich in spirit and romance.

[Baby]

I'd be perfect for you, haha! But I'm in a relationship and I'm a bit too young. Me and my boyfriend grew up together, and so we are both have so much in common and we didn't even have to try looking for one another. Our friend, though, he was 34 when he met his current boyfriend. They met at a comic con! XD I would say don't feel like it's too late and don't lose hope. You'll find your guy soon enough, I'm sure. Try Comic Cons and lurking in the games workshop! It'll work out soon. I would also recommend giving dating sites another shot. You never know! :3

[Chimpy]

I wouldn't trust much that is printed in the Daily Mirror.

I'm sure there is a very small proportion of the upper class that most people never see or interact with, but these days, people's "class" I think is reflected by their lifestyle choice. Just because someone is born into a poor family in an awful part of town, doesn't mean they can't study hard, get a decent education and get a good job and move somewhere nicer. Admittedly a lot of people born into less affluent society tend to wallow in it and squander what little money they do have on alcohol, cigarettes and drugs.

I've been to university, got a long term respectable office job, but I don't own my own house and I don't go to places like the theater or art galleries. I have no idea what class that makes me. I don't think people in the UK really think about class any more.

I think there is general dislike among the population for people that are wealthy though, but that is another topic.

[freelandia]

I don't think people in the UK really think about class any more.

I think there is general dislike among the population for people that are wealthy though, but that is another topic.

"Do not speak ill of society, Algie. Only people who can't get in do that." (OSCAR WILDE)

It's why Michael Caine has gotten a lot of mileage out of his Cockney crusade, but okay, he's popularity was during the forgotten twentieth century, and Oscar Wilde was mainly from the dead and ancient nineteenth century. That was then and this is now, alright, fine, and that's probably the attitude of most UK youths today. Punks used to say "I don't care, bollocks." What goes around comes around. Daily Mirror is tabloid; however, BBC did the survey. BBC is still current event the last time we checked, but we don't really know what British people really think of the Beeb.

Do you disagree with Prof. Devine's findings? You're right to say that "doesn't mean they can't study hard, get a decent education and get a good job and move somewhere nicer," but do you agree that location has nothing to do with your class? Does a rich citizen with pure Japanese ancestry have the same cultural status as a British aristocrat in your culture? My husband tells me that foreigners always will be viewed as such. Professor Mike Savage said: “Occupation has been the traditional way to define a person’s social class, but economic, social, and cultural dimensions all play an important role.” Do not forget "social and cultural dimension" are also essential in this class struggle.

We appreciate your input. Thanks!