My boyfriend cheated but that's not the worst part. Need help! Advice is appreciated

[loserguy]

I must say that I agree with all the other posters.

For me personally if a guy cheats, that's it, the trust is gone.
That you didn't lose it with him and seemed to accept it sent him the wrong message.
You should break up which is easier said than done when you are thinking emotionally rather than rationally.
If you lived together things might have been different but as you see they are not and the distance between you is too much of a burden for him.

[swalter]

Cheating is not a normal part of relationships, nor is it something that every couple inevitably deals with. It's disturbing that you think infidelity is something every couple deals with.

For me, cheating is an absolutely unacceptable proposition, and would be a deal breaker. I've never known a cheater to cheat only once, and some people are just not cut out for long-term, monogamous relationships. The fact that you're already in a long-distance relationship, and don't see each other very often is another red flag. Unless both people are willing to commit, and make the sacrifices required to maintain such a relationship, it's going to fail. You need frequent, regular physical contact to make it work. I just don't see how this relationship can work out given the situation, and what he's already done. I say cut him off and find someone else to date while you're in school. This guy you're with isn't worth it.

[Charon]

All of our comments and answers are predicated on taking the view point of the person cheated upon. While I don't endorse cheating, I also don't know whether the correspondent has been wholly honest. Have they done something that set the cheating response in motion? We don't know the entire story and while in the story on which we're commenting it seems cut and dried, maybe we don't. It's a shame there isn't a space for the accused to respond with their side of the story. If they have one.

[Kackerlacka]

no one should put up with a cheater. Gay, straight, bisexual, or lesbians....NO ONE.

[justme89]

Swalter, I only said that because my mom is a psychologist and told me that contrary to popular belief cheating is normal and happens very often after a serious change in relationship. Most of the time the other partner never finds out. She told me that I would have to determine whether or not he can change because he will only change if he wants to change. The problem is that she has professional experience and knowledge in the area of relationships and human mentality and I kind of wanted another person's personal experience and insight...

[freelandia]

The gay world is changing as we speak. People are getting engaged and legally married. We're in a different ballgame, so to speak. He's your "boyfriend," and it's not as if you guys are engaged. Where I'm from, dating is becoming for keeps. Gay lifestyle is getting reinvented.

[Ryocchi]

Everyone thinks different, but when I'm in a relationship he's it, he's my partner, he's my person, my special someone in this world, the one I would try to make happy every day, to treasure him when his happy and cherish him when he's not, if something is not working between us I would reach, I would work through a lot of things to make it better but if he cheats (or becomes violent to the point of physically harm me not just break some stuff) then that means I'm not his special person, then I'm so out before he can even say I'm sorry.

There's only so much you can take before you realize that you need to prioritize your well being over a relationship, this has been eating you, you're not well, and probably you're not going to ever be well with this, so now ask yourself is it worthy?

[Tulloni]

Hmm I would leave him if I were you... Clearly he let you down by with his infidelity. You cannot trust him to stay faithful. And as for the cultural issue, well I can see where he's coming from but at the same time he has to respect your feelings and your wishes and must therefore be willing to compromise some of his beliefs for the sake of his relationship if needs be. He seems to find that difficult which makes it harder to make the relationship work properly.

You're better off trying your luck elsewhere. I know its hard to break up, I've had to go there 4 times already, I ditched the first two myself and with the last two i was the one who was dumped, and yes it is painful but necessary in some cases.

[dfiant]

Gay lifestyle is getting reinvented.

Hmmm...that is an interesting little peice of bullcrap.

Sorry, but I do find it offensive that sexuality is classed as a 'lifestyle' or behaviours stereotypicalised by bigots justifying distates of gays being a lifestyle.

nothing is getting reinvented...ignorance is becoming less prevalent and the use of words like 'preference', 'Lifestyle', 'choice' and any other word used to to make same gender relationships seem less than their opposite gender relationships, because peoples eyes are being oened to the undeniable fact that all love is the same.

[freelandia]

Hmmm...that is an interesting little peice of bullcrap.

Your opinion.

Sorry, but I do find it offensive that sexuality is classed as a 'lifestyle' or behaviours stereotypicalised by bigots justifying distates of gays being a lifestyle.

We hear ya and we have nothing against that. We've heard that before.

nothing is getting reinvented...ignorance is becoming less prevalent and the use of words like 'preference', 'Lifestyle', 'choice' and any other word used to to make same gender relationships seem less than their opposite gender relationships, because peoples eyes are being oened to the undeniable fact that all love is the same.

You've just proven our point that it's getting reinvented since "ignorance is becoming less prevalent." Not all love is the same. There are degrees in love.