Im not sure love exists, maybe its just neurochemistry

[Festino]

So the guy im currently dating (16yo, told you about him before) and i went out the other day, it was cool, we huged, walked, drank some ice tea and ate popsicles, we made out then sat in a park bench. We talked about how our relationship seems shaky (he brought up the subject) he told me to be honest about what i thought.

I told him the truth, that im a bit uncomfortable with our age difference because he has so much to live and experiment (highschool) and that i think that is why he is acting weird, maybe he is having second thoughts about it. With all the sex and innuendos going around in his relations with classmates i think it is natural he feels constrained by a relationship wich seems kinda artificial.

He told me he thought the same about me, he thinks that i being in university have a lot of sexual offerings and that he would feel jelous constantly if we were in a commited relationship (untill now even thought we are "boyfriends" we havent used that word, when refering to us, so i guess is an unspoken agreement that we are just a "couple")

Then we kept speaking about what are the difficulties our relation faces, the fact that we both are in the closet to our parents, the fact that our schedules are so uncompatible (we see each other once a week) and other problems like the fact that some gay guys from his school heard the rumor he is gay and they came up to him and asked him if he wanted to have sex, he said he was disgusted by those guys and that he turned them down. I told him that i trust him and that i know he wont cheat on me, and that if he ever wanted to try other guys he would speak to me and let me know all is over.

So after a while we passed to other things like his messed up relation with his parents (divorced, unresponsable mom, drinking dad, and distant sister that never helps with family crisis) and my high responsabilities with mine (i take care of my sick mom, plus the career wich is very taxing) and he ended up telling me we cant be a couple.

That nothing will change but we cant be a couple... so wtf is that supossed to mean?

Its the exact same spot i was with my crush, basically. We can kiss and make out but we are not a couple, not in a romantic relationship. Kinda.

So after that i acompanied him back to his house and we stayed in an abandoned park where we made out some more and things heated a bit wich was nice but nothing much.

In the last couple of days our cyber contact has gone a lot slower and, where i used to tell him "te quiero" i have started not saying that. I lightly touched the subject but he told me " dont make a fuzz out of it, we are best friend that make out and kiss"... "we have lots of things to discover with each other and i will be with you"... "yes i like you a lot but we must not pressure so much"

So basically i think we both rushed to fast to say things like "te quiero (i like you") so freely. After that day i feel less inclined to tell him that. The warm fuzzy feeling i was starting to have for him is gone. I no longer feel in love. Its not that i need a boyfriend, or that i wont like to fool around with him its just that i told him from day 1 that i dont like the idea of being friends with benefits, if i wanted friends with benefits to fullfill my sexual desires i would go get a piece of tail in any public restroom.

Thx for reading all this nonsense, Any thoughts?

[Woollyhats]

Someone like you needs to take things slower. You're getting sex and love mixed up, and because of that, you need to wait for awhile to have sex/sexual contact. That will make sure you know you actually care for a guy, so it doesn't fall apart when that "warm fuzzy feeling" goes away. The warm fuzzy feeling is infatuation, and it doesn't last. It's one of the three parts of love (commitment, intimacy, and passion which make consummate love).

And yes, love is all in your head Festino. But why should that mean it isn't real?

[southbiochem]

Jijunagrandísimas sean las relaciones que no quieren funcionar.

Things went a little bit too fast me thinks.

Allthough if you are both talking like this it shows you both have a level of maturity beyond your years, which is good.

You know what you want and what you don't want. And you are smart enough to make the right decision here.

If your both not in a place to get on a fulll pledged relationship and you don't want a loose thing either, then it's time to let go.

[Evan88]

Well i think you two are not on the same page about this..

You know its hard to make a relationship possible and successful if you two dont have similar plans and goals. Both of your goals must at least complement each other but it's not on your case

Given you liked each other from the start, I think it could've been better if both of you took things slowly...and of course made it clear that you are dating, which gears towards a serious one and long term.

He said "nothing would change but we cant be a couple", that is not really a good sign. Cause it means he can't be committed to you, and worse, he would have relations with others while having you at the same time. You know what you want, and clearly that's just not in sync with your values. I think its time to move on..

[loserguy]

Forget the past. The here and now tells me that you both want to break up!
You both love sex with each other and that's it.

You are both very negative about what you have rather than being positive.
Well let me tell you. If you want to find reasons for not being together or for not doing something, you will. Why not enjoy what you have, slow down and stop thinking too far ahead. Nobody knows what will happen in the future - you could be dead tomorrow! That's why you should live in the moment because living is now, not tomorrow or yesterday. If you think that way, you have a better chance of being positive and actually making a go of things!

[Chimpy]

You say yourself that the feelings you had for him have diminished. To me it sounds like you probably aren't suited as a couple, but if you are friends and are attracted to each other, if you are happy to enjoy each other physically, that can be ok by itself, as long as you both know that is all it is.

[Ryocchi]

El amor existe, y dura mas que unas pocas semanas, incluso el enamoramiento dura mas, un punto que me preocupa, le dijiste que no querías un free, que no querías ser amigo con derechos, eso no te hizo feliz con tu ex y no creo que te haga feliz ahora, por lo que se me hace muy culero que te lo sugiriera a pesar de que tu le contaste lo que te había pasado con tu crush anterior.

Mi consejo, no te retractes, el no quiere algo mas, el esta viendo por sí, pero tu también debes ver por ti, aunque el no les hiciera caso a los que le propusieron sexo es claro que lo puso a pensar que hay mas peses en el mar y que solo tiene 16, lo de ponerse celoso de tus compañeros de universidad se me hace una reverenda pendejada, puede sonar un poco frío pero creo que deberías alejarte de el para evitarte un montón de dolor.