I worry I never properly sowed my wild oats

[viktor77]

Hello, I am in a monogamous relationship of 4 years, and am in my early 20s. He is the first guy I truly dated and had true sexual experiences with. I love him dearly and we live a great life, I have 0 complaints. The sex is gratifying of course. I definitely foresee a future with him, getting married, etc.

But I worry I never properly sowed my wild oats. I find myself fantasizing about three ways, and I am quite addicted to pornography. I've spoken many times to my partner about this, he isn't particularly thrilled about either. He had more an opportunity than I to sow his wild oats, so in this regard he's far more mature.

I'm sure mine is not a unique problem. What would be your advice for someone in this kind of situation?

Thank you

[Chimpy]

I think it's natural to be attracted to other people even when it a relationship (regardless of gender or orientation). There's nothing really wrong with looking at porn either, as long as you accept it as fantasy, and it doesn't affect your real life.

If you did (hypothetically) have hook ups with other guys, do you think you would get it out of your system, or just want it again and again?

[Cooper]

I understand what you're saying. But you seem to have a great relationship and you love your partner, and that is really good and sometimes hard to find, and is definitely much more important than three ways with people that don't mean anything to you. At least for me it would be. And what you see in porn might seem really good, and it probably is sometimes, but you know that most of the things you see in porn are completely different than real life experiences.

But you have your priorities, and it's up to you to decide what you want.

[viktor77]

No, my priorities would never be to jeopardize what we have. But your mind wanders you know. It thinks how neat it would be to explore new sexual experiences as a couple together, like threeways, but that is not likely if one part of the relationship has no interest in doing it.

And I can't say if it would get it out of my system or not. I guess that's the traditional logic, but there is always concern of addiction.

[Cooper]

Yes, I understand that. But even if your boyfriend wanted to have those experiences with you, you need to think if those experiences would't affect your relationship. You both would have to be really open-minded. I personally wouldn't want anyone having sex with my boyfriend.

[freelandia]

I'm sure mine is not a unique problem. What would be your advice for someone in this kind of situation?

Thank you

Not an advice. Sowing your wild oats has become the norm, but it wasn't always like that. It wasn't always a badge of honor. Most people mistake searching for love and affection has the element of sexual intercourse once the dating phase gets in full swing. Before, the norm was searching for your sweetheart for life with the belief that there would be no sex until marriage. You explore the bedroom stuff strictly with your husband or wife because marriage is a sacrament. My partner and I never went that route. We did the whole global circuit before we got married. When we said YES at the altar, it's for keeps til death do us part. As you can tell we're gay Christians but during our circuit days we weren't heavily into our faith. It's your call, your life and repercussions. No judgment on our part. As always we're only showing one side of the coin.

[Woollyhats]

So, I'm hearing that you're a little insecure/jealous that your partner has had more sex than you?

If he's actually perfect for you, why do you want other people so much?

Liking other people is normal... but cheating/wanting an affair/obsession with sex with other people is not. Yeah you'll always see people you find attractive... or even more attrative than your partner. But it shouldn't take over your life.

Are you actually as happy in this relationship as you say you are?

[Padshach]

You have the opposite worry to so many people, who would dearly love to find a special someone. Having an intimate connection with another person beats the pants off casual dates and hook ups. You've got something special and you've been fortunate enough to find it early - enjoy it and don't worry that you are/have missed out. Really, you haven't.

[Ryocchi]

Ahhh, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I'll tell you a little something, threesomes, orgies, nightstands it's not as glamorous as it seems, it is way more awkward, and a lot more unsatisfying, we all have fantasies, it's perfectly normal, if you feel so strong about this then by all means break up with your boyfriend and go fuck everyone who crosses your path so your boyfriend can actually find a partner who seeks something similar to what he seeks in life.

If you don't leave them at fantasies, you're not missing out, treasure this time with your partner because life shouldn't be took for granted, maybe you have him now and maybe sooner than later you will be single enough to sow your wild oath whether you like it or not.

Sex is not the eight world's wonder, is not magical, is not a miracle, love is, you can have sex with a lot of people but you can only find love so many times in your life.

[Chimpy]

Couldn't agree with Ryocchi more here, actually. +1.