Anal is impossible for me

[Anonymous]

So I'm unable to have anal sex with my boyfriend because of the pain it causes. I see no solution to this anymore. I want to bottom for him so much, but every time he tries to entry me, I just can't stand the pain.

I believe we're doing everything as it should be done. We use tons of lubrication, he's very slow and very gentle. When he puts his fingers inside me, it's okay, but when he tries to do it with his penis, it hurts so bad I can't even describe it. Also I'm not crybaby at all, my pain tolerance is high, I've even had my teeth drilled without anesthesia. I wouldn't complain if it would hurt a little, I probably wouldn't even complain if it would hurt to the point when it's bearable. But unfortunately I can't stand it.

We've tried different positions, it doesn't help. My boyfriend is not very big, he's medium sized but it feels like he's tearing me apart.

I've thought about doctor, maybe there's something wrong with me, as I have the information that anal sex is not supposed to hurt. But I'm ashamed to tell a doctor things like this, besides we're living in quite conservative area. I don't even want to imagine the doctor's attitude if he had gay man with anal problem as his patient.

What do you think? What might be the problem?

[partis]

How many times have you tried?

It was painfull for me at first and i dont like fingers in there at all and wont have them though he was always gentle during sex through our whole relationship and i said when he could cum otherwise he just do it forever, it wasnt until i had a one night stand with a sexually agressive (this isnt nessacarily bad) guy and well.. 3 times and easier with each time and he said " I had to learn to take more" among other things.

Apart from knowing im giving somebody great pleasure ive only ever come close to it actually feeling good, its just how it is, cant change it, so my guy must be good in other areas.

Its easier when your pissed!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Its easier when your pissed!

Easier for who

Joking aside, I would recommend you try it without your bf being present. No seriously.

Get yourself a small toy, plenty of lube and just experiment by yourself. That way you don't have the pressure of having to perform for your bf so to speak, and you can then find out what does and doesn't work for you.

There is of course another possibility to consider. Your actually a top.

Lots of people assume that to be gay, you have to receive or be versatile within the relationship. That's a myth. Some people are more naturally a top than a bottom. I happen to be one of those, but it don't consider myself any less gay because of it.

What ever you decide to do, talk to your bf about it. Communications within the relationship is key when things don't seem to be going as planned.

Good luck.
ObW
X

[ddd]

The problem maybe you are not relaxed enough. If you are stressed the muscle ring around your anus will contract shut and it will cause pain. You have to be able to keep it relaxed and that is something that is learned over time. You need to be relaxed in both mind and body. Try to not think of being hurt or penetrated. Did you discuss this with your partner? What does he think?

[Wade]

Hmm... I'm not too experienced in this arena, but I'll give you the advice my father would give me whenever I hurt myself playing baseball when I was 10:

"Stop crying and rub some dirt on it. And please stop eating grass, you're embarrassing me."

[Anonymous]

We've tried a lot of times, unsuccessfully.

I try to relax, however it's very hard to do it when you feel pain. When it hurts a lot, it's hard to relax.

[freelandia]

Easier for who
Get yourself a small toy, plenty of lube and just experiment by yourself. That way you don't have the pressure of having to perform for your bf

Some people are more naturally a top than a bottom.

An x once told me that he used several sizes to ease himself to take me and still be able enjoy it. There is merit to practice. I'm not saying that I'm huge. lol. I have other techniques to relax my spouse, but I know when he's hot for it. You have to be in the mood to take it. Also foreplay is very important but not always necessary. We're both naturally top and there are times when it gets in the way, but one of us prefer topping a top because it's a turn on. Whatever makes you harder, right?

[driftwood]

I try to relax, however it's very hard to do it when you feel pain. When it hurts a lot, it's hard to relax.

That's the problem. If you're in pain, OR expecting pain, it's not possible to relax. And think about it, trying to relax is a contradiction in terms.

ObW & freelandia were spot on. After the small toy, graduate to one that's larger, and larger. Later on, invite him to join you. It mprobably won't happen quickly; the main thing is if you're enjoying it, eventually you'll start to relax.

But there is a flip side. If you're not naturally a bottom, you may not ever be able to relax enough. Idk. I seem to read a lot of posts where someone wants to bottom for their partner... The best part of being a bottom is the pleasure the bottom gets out of it.

[jimcrackcorn]

Different positions can also affect the amount of pain you have while bottoming. I have never been able to enjoy the doggie style position because it causes so much pain,,,, but when I lay face down - I find penetration to be enjoyable.

[TimeSage]

A tip i read in an except of a book might help.

Have him enter you and sit and wait. The muscles in your rear will eventually tire out and let him past.