foreplay helps a lot. If a guy rims me for awhile, and I'm a natural top... they usually can go right at it with some lube and time.
I agree with the playing with yourself part though. That's what I did (for probably a good 2 years honestly, cuz I was closeted), and when my BF and I were having struggles with anal, he played on his own a lot.
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Two things come to mind other than what has already been discussed.
It is possible that you are just not constitutionally made to accept even an average sized penis, but mostly our bodies will adapt even if it takes sizing up gradually, as someone suggested. You can take a finger but you can't take his penis, you say. Well, a medium sized penis is about 3 fingers's worth in girth, so other than trying a sex toy on your own that comes in a conical shape to help you stretch and relax gradually, you could ask your boyfriend to try inserting one, then two, then three fingers first...
My second thought is that you are psychologically tensing up at the idea of letting your boyfriend into a cavity that we have all been taught is not made for that sort of purpose. It's the whole letting go of the taboo. I think you may be fighting entry psychologically and tensing up at the idea of doing something that is 'potentially risky' or 'wrong'. It's probably something that you aren't even aware of, and anticipating the pain is just making you tense up even more. It could be that you are afraid of losing stools, or afraid of the awkward mess that could result. Don't worry about it, it comes with the territory, and anyone who can't accept that shouldn't be trying anal sex.
Maybe you shouldn't try bottoming, and maybe your boyfriend should bottom for you, just to see what it's like to be penetrated. I don't know if you've tried reversing the roles yet.
I suppose you have tried the position of sitting on top of him so you can control how much pressure is applied and so you can also withdraw quickly in case penetration becomes excruciatingly painful.
The other thing I've heard suggested is to push out your sphincters first, as if you were going to poo (make sure you have been to the toilet first and that you don't need any release in that department), and then try penetration. Also -- this works in lots of other areas -- breathe! Remember that there are two sphincters in the anus: the first one's pretty easy to relax, it's the second one that you need to get more control over. That's the muscle that will make penetration difficult and painful if you can't relax.
Good luck with your next try.
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CTD89 Wrote:foreplay helps a lot. If a guy rims me for awhile, and I'm a natural top... they usually can go right at it with some lube and time.
I agree with the playing with yourself part though. That's what I did (for probably a good 2 years honestly, cuz I was closeted), and when my BF and I were having struggles with anal, he played on his own a lot.
If only to understand potential discomfort, tops should try being a bottom once. They might even add some variety to their love-making if they find it's pleasing. But anal sex isn't to everyone's taste, so I'm not advising trying it if you find this unpleasant in any way.
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I'm the opposite; I dont really feel any pain at all, sometimes I dont feel much actually. That might be worse.
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I agree that you might just be a top. I haven't experienced either, so I'm sure what I am. But just try several options and see what works best for you.
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BurringIt Wrote:I'm the opposite; I dont really feel any pain at all, sometimes I dont feel much actually. That might be worse.
That's because the rectum doesn't register pain... It's the sphincters that do. Once those are relaxed, why would there be any discomfort?
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Anonymous Wrote:So I'm unable to have anal sex with my boyfriend because of the pain it causes. I see no solution to this anymore. I want to bottom for him so much, but every time he tries to entry me, I just can't stand the pain.
I believe we're doing everything as it should be done. We use tons of lubrication, he's very slow and very gentle. When he puts his fingers inside me, it's okay, but when he tries to do it with his penis, it hurts so bad I can't even describe it. Also I'm not crybaby at all, my pain tolerance is high, I've even had my teeth drilled without anesthesia. I wouldn't complain if it would hurt a little, I probably wouldn't even complain if it would hurt to the point when it's bearable. But unfortunately I can't stand it.
We've tried different positions, it doesn't help. My boyfriend is not very big, he's medium sized but it feels like he's tearing me apart.
I've thought about doctor, maybe there's something wrong with me, as I have the information that anal sex is not supposed to hurt. But I'm ashamed to tell a doctor things like this, besides we're living in quite conservative area. I don't even want to imagine the doctor's attitude if he had gay man with anal problem as his patient.
What do you think? What might be the problem?
The last thing I want to do is be portrayed as giving medical advice, but it wouldn't hurt to find a gay friendly doctor, they do exist. Aside from that, I struggled with my first times playing with a normal sized dong. I liked enemas, and if you only make sure your filling up with about 20-32 oz of water at a time, you can clean out your rectum without going through the three hour unstoppable mess of peristalsis. So you have evacuated a few times, this alone will loosen you up a tad. Now is the time to take it to the next level. Jump in the shower and squat while there. Try a finger, two, three, be gentile. pull gently on your opening in the front direction. While you have some digits in there, probe around, see if you have some lumps or sore spots. If you do, get to a doctor.
If not, for some reason I like cocoa butter hand lotion because it's cheap and doesn't wear off, lube up a small or normal dong. Give it a session. Possibly move up to a larger dong, right then or later on. I think the largest one I bought was like 9 inches and about 6 or 8 in circumference. So this one would make me bleed a tad sometimes but was only a problem upon entry because the head was so bulbous.
So of course I'm stretched out a little, in fact my GF even pointed out to me one day that it looks like I could take a cock LOL. I played stupid. Really?
I have a pink starfish, that works very well for entry and endurance. I had sex with a new partner last week and the entry was wonderful. No pain. He is however what I would place in the small department. But if I do ever get lucky and get a monster cock, I should be able to take it. You have to consider the fact that toys don't give when you squeeze them, like a cock does. So a 3" diameter dong is equivalent to a 5" diameter penis.
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I know for me I have tried bottoming, and the initial insertion does bug me, but I get through it, the part that I can't stand is that when I bottom I can't handle the feeling. It feels like a huge amount of pressure, and I just can't take it. I am not sure what to do about that. As for the pain of insertion I suggest take it slow, and use lots of lube. once its in wait for a few and relax
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