Can sex addicts be faithful?

[TonyAndonuts]

I got into a discussion with a friend about a character I created. The character is a girl with an extremely high sex drive and sometimes admits to being a bit of an addict. She's had sex with a lot of people, sometimes even in threesomes or more. But she'd met someone in the past whom she fell in love with and years later meets back up with him. Because she loves him, all other guys don't interest her nearly as much as they used to and she remains faithful to the guy she loves.
However my friend doesn't think that's realistic because someone with a sex addiction shouldn't be able to remain faithful. Because of their addiction, one person wouldn't be able to satisfy her no matter how much she loves the person and no matter how often they have sex. It's not like I did much research when I just came up with this character, but is it really impossible for someone like my character to be faithful?

[Wolfpack]

Any addiction can be beaten , the difficult part is can the person with the addiction put in the effort , time and commitment to beat it ?

[AlohaShannon]

Sex addiction has nothing to do with being faithful. I go to three meetings a week for sex addiction, have learned about it EXTENSIVELY, and have gotten my degree in addiction and recovery. Sex addiction has nothing to do with a carefree desire to have sex. A sex addict uses sex, porn, masturbation, whatever, as a way to self-medicate. The brain's neurochemistry changes with sex addiction. The limbic system is affected in such a way that when triggered it will overpower the higher reasoning in the prefrontal cortex (impulse control).

Sex addicts turn to sexual behavior to deal with pain, sadness, happiness, angry, being lonely, tired, etc. Sex addiction is not about just getting off, it is about releasing specific neurotransmitters in the brain that actually make the addict feel normal.

A sex addict can be faithful (in the context of not sleeping with others) since being an addict doesn't just mean sex, sex, sex, and more sex. I have met MANY sex addicts that never do anything outside of their marriage. Their addiction was acted out through compulsive masturbation for example.

There are numerous recovery programs for sex addicts to include group therapy, individual counseling, and 12-step programs. When the addict understands the nature of the addiction and utilizes specific tools to prevent relapse, they can enjoy a healthy and committed relationship. The thing that makes recovery from sex addiction so difficult is that as human beings we have an innate desire to be relational with others and sex is a basic part of our identity. If you believe in evolution then sex is an instinctive need to procreate and pass on the genes. If you believe in creation, sex is the unification of two people in a spiritual act of intimacy. Society is over-stimulated with sex so it is very difficult for the sex addict to escape the triggers. That's why the tools for recovery are so vital.

Sorry for rambling on and on but I am very passionate about this subject and plan to obtain my graduate degree in Social Work in order to provide clinical counseling for this population.

On a side note, I am a sex addict and after I started recovery, I became faithful. However, I'm still an addict and will always be an addict. What will separate me from other addicts that continue the addictive behavior will be my sobriety but I will never stop attending meetings.

I'm sure this was far more info than you were hoping for!

[Cuddly]

<snip>

Very informative. Thanks for sharing that. It kinda makes any teenage boy sound like a sex addict though. Where's the line?

[AlfredM]

Wow.. If a sex addict can be faithful,then I suppose those who engage in regular casual sex can as well. What a great information!

[Chris]

I think that a person addicted to sex cannot be faithful as long as she/he is addicted. However, it doesn't mean that such a person is unable to love and it's possible to get rid of it, attending a therapy or something.

[misunderstood]

if the person who has the problem, is ready to change the behavior and can speak openly to there partner about there feelings then yes, because if the person is having a moment where they feel they need to act out sexually then the proper steps can be made to insure that they can get over the hump proceed and progress. and also if your partner is just as kinky you both can have wild crazy sex TOGETHER without stepping outside the box. NOT A THERAPIST. But i believe that a person who is a sex addict in a relation ship cannot be faithful under certain stipulations. such as not feeling open enough with your partner, because lets face it the more porn you watch the more curious you become and lets say you want to try out your new found curiosity's but you feel that it may be to over the top, or even to gross to ask your partner. And that's where it starts to fall apart they'll find someone who is into what ever has made them curious and next thing you they've cheated and lets say they got away with it so they do it more, and more, and more until eventually they are numb to fact they're are cheating. So i Say its 50/50 if you have an honest relationship and can explore with your partner then yes. but if you feel that your fantasies are to gross or over the top to share with your partner or your partner is busy with work, or school, then no.

[Melody]

I think if they seek help they can get better .

[swalter]

There is no cure for sex addiction, just as there's no cure for drug addiction. It's a neurological, biochemical, and behavioral disorder that can be managed, but an addict will always be an addict.

Someone with sex addiction, along with their partner, should seek professional therapy from a licensed specialist. Recovery therapy will likely include individual cognitive counseling for the addict, and joint counseling for both parties. Group therapy may also be recommended.

Melody is right - the addict can get better and learn to manage his or her addiction, but it will take commitment and work by both partners to succeed. To answer the question in the OP, Can sex addicts be faithful?, I believe they can. But again, it will take some honesty, commitment to recovery, and dedicated effort. Great post!

[AlohaShannon]

Awesome response swalter! Most sex addiction recovery programs utilize cognitive-behavior approaches to recovery. The single most important piece for recovery to me is identifying how the addict learned to use sexual behavior to deal with life and to get rid of the associated shame.

I'd like to reiterate, sex addiction does not equal kinkiness or a high sex drive or vice versa. Addicts turn to their drug of choice in order self-medicate their pain or to just feel normal and able to function.

As for being faithful, in a sense an addict currently engaging in the addictive behavior cannot be faithful, but that infidelity doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with someone else. An addict will engage in sexual behavior that is self serving. In that regard, the addict is unfaithful because he or she is not truly engaged with the partner. But in no way does being a sex addict mean sex with other people outside of the relationship. That's obviously a very common manifestation of the addiction but certainly not the only one.

Sorry! Once again I just kept going and going!!!