Homophobic dude in my class and I need to study with him- help?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I apologize for my English, it's definitely not perfect, but I think you'll be able to understand.

So I'm a young gay guy, 18 years old. I'm from Russia ( yes, the same place where it is so dangerous to be gay) and I'll finish high school this year. Now I'm having hard time in my class. I've homophobic classmate, who's very hateful towards me. When my classmates found out I'm gay, to my surprise a part of them were accepting, except him and few more people. But from those who are not okay with me being gay, this guy is the only one who protest loudly.

He's 18 years old too and he uses every chance he has to laugh about me. For example, when I got the first place in the olympiad of literature, which was a competition between schools, and our teacher announced it to the whole class, he was like "did you suck many cocks to get it?" Or when I was going to get my coat after our classes were over, there was a note inside the pocket of my coat saying "hope you tear your ass apart, f*cking faggot". It was printed on the computer, but I knew it was him who did it. Or when we were all having lunch and a milk soup was served, he commented that it probably looked like a cum to me.
I'm quiet and introvert person and I don't know how to reply him when he starts speaking like this. The worst thing is that he won't be ignored. If I don't answer, he only becomes more and more annoying. Once he was like "why don't you speak? Was that yesterday's cock too big and now your mouth hurts?"

Now we have a task to make a research project about some particular topic in the groups of two and our teacher paired me with him. The topic we have is connected with chemistry and that's not my strong point at all. He is very good at it, but he won't help me. When I asked him to explain me something about chemical reactions so I can do my part of the research, he was like "f*ck you, these are your problems".

So, that's my problem. What do I do?

[Mark]

First of all sorry to hear you are going through this - it isn't nice at all and regardless of some stupid view a country has it shouldn't come down on you like this. Being 18 the guy is a idiot - and needs to grow up. The things Id say to him gosh. Anyway to the problem.. fortunately I don't think he will completely leave you hanging because you are a group meaning you both need to pass. I presume if you don't do the work or get the grade then he won't pass either? Is he willing to throw his grades away?

Can you google around the subject or problem and gain some help that way? Or even talk to a friend to see if they can help? It might be wise to mention to a teacher you do have issues and see if they can rethink who you work with because they wouldn't intentionally put you in harms way - I'd hope not anyway.

Overall this guy is a cock. And Im hoping you don't have to be around him much longer. Its horrible but you have to just keep on going and not let his immature attitude ruin your life. Make sure you speak to friends or on here to vent because everyone needs to now and again.

[Tulloni]

Hi there! Your English is really good. I can't say my Russian is as good though!

Sorry to hear you've had to go through all that. He sounds like a prick alright. You could try assassinating him? Then you'll have lots of peace alright....

Seriously though, I encountered a lot of bullies like this at my high school as well and I know from experience how horrible it can be. Schools are damn oppressive enough as it is without jerks like this to make it worse. He's probably a damn closet case with his own issues. Really your teacher should have more sense than to pair you up with him for this project, surely he/she would've noticed that you guys have issues? But then I know from experience how stupid teachers at school can be so this isn't much of a surprise.

I would definitely raise an objection to the teacher, make it clear that you guys don't get on and that you never will. Really the teacher should be kind enough to swap you around so you work with someone else.

I know this is hard but standing up to him may help. then again you might not have this for much longer if you're leaving high school soon.

I know what you mean about science - I hated science at school too.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, forgot to mention - I tried to talk with the teacher. She told me that she could have let us choose which person we want to work with, but that's not good, because we have to learn to cooperate with different people, not just the ones that we like working with. She was kind, but somewhere in her voice there was a tone of "cope with your own problems". Besides it is too late to switch partners, as the topics have already been given and everything has to be ready for the end of the May.

We're supposed to do about half of the research each, then put everything together and present it in the end. I'm sure he'll do his part brilliantly, because despite of being a bully, he's a really good student. I believe I'm not bad too, but exact sciences are my weak point. I don't understand Math and Physics and Chemistry and my marks have always been low there. I've tried hard to understand them, I even had a private tutor for a while but that didn't help me.

I just don't understand why can't he help me? So what if I'm gay, it's not like I would try to get into his pants, I just would us to work together without hate.

[Cuddly]

I would like to offer my help to you. I am no expert of any of the three subjects, nevertheless I study pharmacy at university and physics, math and chemistry is about 90% of that. Feel free to PM me and I'll do my best to help you.

Haters are going to hate. We can only guess why... I don't think there's anything you can do or say to make him stop. Actually I think you're doing the best thing you can do, which is to ignore him.

[Pix]

You cope by getting a different partner. You can't get along with everyone and it's absurd for a teacher to imply you can.

Though if you did manage to get along with him, even befriending him and inspiring him not to be so obnoxious to you over your orientation, then you'd have good material for one of those After School Specials no one really takes serious. :p

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You cope by getting a SILENT partner, and your in the right place to get advice.

Then hopefully when it comes to presentation time, you can shine brighter than he will

I am somewhat surprised at the teachers choice of pairing you together. It almost seems as if she knew exactly what she was doing

Good Luck!

ObW
X

[swalter]

I hate bullies, and feel for you. I suspect this guy has repressed homosexual feelings, and is lashing out at you because you represent what he fears so much in himself. Take solace in the fact that this situation is very temporary, and you will be moving on to bigger and better things in the near future.

But what to do in the meantime? I don't think you should have to accept being sexually harassed and bullied. If you told the teacher what he is doing, and how he is interfering with your ability to complete assignments and learn the material, he/she should take action to remedy that. Since it sounds like she hasn't done that, you should consider escalating the situation to her supervisor (principal or counselor).

The other thing you can do is kick his ass. Bullies thrive on fear, and the perceived inability of their targets to do anything about it. I was taught at a young age to handle bullies swiftly, and severely. If you're going to go that route, do it in public where all the other kids can see. Give no warning. Attack him savagely, and don't stop until you hurt him significantly. You may take a suspension, some time off of school, which you can use to improve your knowledge of the chemistry.

I realize others may not agree with my advice, but it comes from a lifetime of experience dealing with people like this. You owe yourself the same respect you'd demand for your best friend if he was in this situation. Hurt him, and hurt him badly.

[Anonymous]

I hate bullies, and feel for you. I suspect this guy has repressed homosexual feelings, and is lashing out at you because you represent what he fears so much in himself. Take solace in the fact that this situation is very temporary, and you will be moving on to bigger and better things in the near future.

But what to do in the meantime? I don't think you should have to accept being sexually harassed and bullied. If you told the teacher what he is doing, and how he is interfering with your ability to complete assignments and learn the material, he/she should take action to remedy that. Since it sounds like she hasn't done that, you should consider escalating the situation to her supervisor (principal or counselor).

The other thing you can do is kick his ass. Bullies thrive on fear, and the perceived inability of their targets to do anything about it. I was taught at a young age to handle bullies swiftly, and severely. If you're going to go that route, do it in public where all the other kids can see. Give no warning. Attack him savagely, and don't stop until you hurt him significantly. You may take a suspension, some time off of school, which you can use to improve your knowledge of the chemistry.

I realize others may not agree with my advice, but it comes from a lifetime of experience dealing with people like this. You owe yourself the same respect you'd demand for your best friend if he was in this situation. Hurt him, and hurt him badly.

Hurt him bad? You realize this guy said he's from Russia, right? That's terrible advice, unless you want him to end up severely hurt himself or worse.

[swalter]

Hurt him bad? You realize this guy said he's from Russia, right? That's terrible advice, unless you want him to end up severely hurt himself or worse.

So you think it's somehow more dangerous to face a bully in Russia than it is elsewhere? What sort of bigoted shit is that? I advise victims of bullies in every country to stand up for themselves and put these thugs in their place. Bullies are cowards who will continue their shit only as long as their victims allow it. And seriously, what's with this apparent default fear of Russians?