Horrible homophobic neighbour

[Anonymous]

I'm living in the same house with homophobic man who doesn't leave me alone. He's quite young, , maybe about 30 or something, and he's so hateful towards gays and/or especially me. I'm living in the third floor and he lives in the fourth.

The house is big and I don't really know my neighbors very well, sometimes we say hi each to other, but nothing more. Once I gave a kiss on the cheek to the guy I spent night with and he happened to see it. He said "that's exactly what we needed - fa*got in the house". Since that day he doesn't leave me alone. When we meet each other on the stairs, he can never pass me without saying anything. For some reason he's always in the stairs when I leave my flat in the morning and he always says something stupid like "did you sit on many cocks last night?" or "your ass will be soon so wide you won't be able to hold your s*it in, you'll need diaper". When I come down the stairs, he says "don't even look at my butt, it'll never be for you". He even said that if there wouldn't be other people in this house, he'd set my flat on fire in the night.

Then there was this one day when I was at home, waiting for my friend to visit me and when she came, she showed me note that she said was taped to my front door. The note said "free blow*obs". Then some other day I came home from job and there was another note saying "f*ggot lives here". Of course, these notes are printed on the computer.

Some will probably advise me to go to the police. I tried it. I told them everything about his behavior, about that he's threatening me and bothering me to live. However they said that it is said in the law that they can press charges against him only when he actually does something. Until he hasn't done anything to me, his words are just that - words, he has rights to speak what he wants. So I guess police isn't an option for me. I'm from Ireland, I guess laws are different here than in the USA.

I don't know what to do. I also tried to confront him and just ask him "why? why are you doing this?" He said that he'll make me to move out, before I infect everyone in the house with my gay virus. He thinks I'd like to f*ck every man in this house. I don't know to convince him to leave me alone, how to show him that I'm not a threat to anyone and don't need just any man. I like this house, it's located very well, close to my job also. I wouldn't want to move out just because of him.

[Iceblink]

Can you contact the landlord? Perhaps his lease will be up soon and the landlord could not renew it if it was known he was making it difficult for other tenants.

[Anonymous]

If I'm not mistaken, his flat is his personal property. So I guess he cannot just be thrown out.

[Wolfpack]

Sorry to hear about your situation, this is a very bad way for you to live and you have my sympathy.
Who owns the house where you live? Have you or can you complain to them?
Make sure you right down every incident and everything that he says to you, you may be able to use this as evidence should the police or house owner require it later as evidence. Sorry to hear the police did not help you, have you tried citizens advice to see if they can give you any advice. This is pure and simple discrimination against you and it is very wrong. In the mean time try your best to ignore his fifty comments and try to stay away from him best you can.
I really hope you not have to move, but if nothing can be done this is no way for you have to live.

[Uneunsae]

I would move out. Forget your Ego and just do it. You will regret not doing so later if something bad happens. And if it's personal property, he has the upper hand in this situation.

[Iceblink]

Maybe the police feel they cannot help because it is not a criminal matter in their view. Could you contact an attorney to see if there is anything that can be done as a civil matter? An attorney might be able to give you some legal options, because I have a feeling that in most places in the world housing discrimination laws are written with landlord/tenants and seller/buyers in my mind, not neighbors.

[JimmyEcho]

That sucks big time. Trying to talk to him won't do any good from what I've read. You don't want to counter by leaving notes on his door either because that will spark even more trouble. People like this really bother me, I feel for you.
Yeah, it's your Gayness is going to seep through the cracks in the walls and TURN him Gay.
I guess try to be witty, When he says a gay remark, just look at him and say 'DUDE, I'll try to hold back my Gayness from making you gay ,sorry" OR say "I'm taking anti gay pills for my gayness and it seems to be working"
I don't know what else to tell you until he actually physically touches you and then you can call the police.

[Borg69]

What he's doing is still considered Sexual Harassment. Look into what the laws are there for Sexual Harassment, and see if there's Restraining Orders there that you can file against him.

[ETOTE]

OK,

I may not be completely stupid, but I do prefer to keep things simple in my life.
As such, I think I do suffer from a bit of a small mind at times. So bear with me while I try to wrap my brain around this.

So you live in a big house with other people.
But it's not an apt inside an apt complex? It's a room inside a house where you have to share facilities and the kitchen and other common areas?

Either way, it sounds like your mere presence as being openly gay has struck a nerve with him.
Are other people in the house as equally homophobic? or just him?

One very common element to homophobia as I'm sure you know, is that the people who demonstrate it and have such an issue with gay people is because you just existing is forcing them to face something within themselves that they don't like and have been suppressing for years. There is anger and resentment and jealousy towards you for multiple reasons on multiple levels, none of which have anything to do with you, but have everything to do with him projecting things on to you about his own confusion, same-sex thoughts and feelings he refuses to deal with.

My concern is the threat he made to you about burning down your flat in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure that still constitutes a death threat even in the UK. Pretty sure you can report that to the police and have enough to get a restraining order against him, on top of what Borg was suggesting regarding sexual harassment, or any type of harassment.

Finally,
One way I would deal with it is what Jimmyecho mentioned about being witty.
Try to come back with smart ass remarks to him when he acts like such a child with these insults that come from a kindergarten playground....for example:
"your ass will be soon so wide you won't be able to hold your s*it in, you'll need diaper"
you could have come back with something like:
"you just say that cuz you wanna see me in a diaper, you gonna change it for me too?"

Of course, this may give you a black eye, that's just how I would handle things and most people know not to start a fight with me unless they want something broken. But I think ultimately one thing he may also be looking for from you is you being secure in yourself, being assertive and standing up for yourself. Who knows, after you give him a verbal lashing and outsmart him leaving him looking like a dumb ass with egg on his face, he may warm up to you and become an unlikely friend where he may end up opening up to you and confessing all his latent homosexual desires that he's never dealt with because he had no one to talk to about them.

stranger things have happened...

[Anonymous]

I believe in English the type of my house is called block of flats. Every person has his/her own flat and nothing is common. I don't know my neighbours well, I don't know what they think about this, probably they don't even know he's doing this to me.