Advice needed - Want to foster relationship with fling

[Adrian12345]

Hi there,

So I met this great American guy when I was in Singapore earlier this month (he is based over there). We had what you call a fling/hook up.

We continued to message each other on whatsapp since I got back in Australia. Although I am the one who initiates the conversations but once they start he replies quickly and its not like he is disinterested.

I am going back to Singapore for work in 2 weeks time and he said he will be around to meet up.

As I would like to foster this relationship, how do I make him like me even more?

I am only going to be there for 4 days - I would like to see him every night and hang out with him during the weekend as well but don't want him to think I am desparate.

I will be back in Singapore again next month for work and go there quite regularly.

What should I do? Should I ask him for drinks one night, dinner another night? Should I ask him now or when I get there?

I want to make the most of my time there to make him like me even more!

Thanks!
Adrian

[ChadCoxRox]

Pffft. Don't complicate it. Simply tell him what you'd like to do and wondered what he thinks. Go for it not based on your expectations but on your effort. You are worthy of another if it does not pan out!!!!!!!!

[Cuddly]

Pffft. Don't complicate it. Simply tell him what you'd like to do and wondered what he thinks. Go for it not based on your expectations but on your effort. You are worthy of another if it does not pan out!!!!!!!!

I agree with this.
If you put your cards on the table, maybe he will show his. Either way, you are less likely to get hurt if you're upfront!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You need to ensure that you dont come over as desperate.

My advice would be to message him and let him know in advance of the dates that you are in town, and ask him if he would like to get together and what day/time works for him.

Smother him, and you risk suffocating what could be the start of a great relationship. Remember, he has his own life as well, don't expect him to want (or need) to spend every minute with you, just because your in town.

ObW
X

[Letmar]

OBW is completely right... let us listen to the voice of wisdom... and age... LOL I'm only joking!

I would suggest to handle this carefully, you mentioned you talk to him on whatsapp regularly, well then, txt him something on the lines of "How are you today man, work was hard over here... on the good side, I'm being send back to singapore on XYZ, since you are the "local", would you be up for taking a lad out for a drink or dinner?"

Be flirtatious and give him the chance to show some interest in you too... if he comes back with ideas, that is your queue! if he decides to take you out in the first couple of days, then be nice and treat him yourself to a second date!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As I would like to foster this relationship, how do I make him like me even more?

I have found that if you keep a person chained up in the cellar long enough, they learn how to love you and depend on you... that is the only way I have found to make a person love/like me.

He is stationed in Singapore? Is this a military base type deal? If so I suspect your chances with the American Military is pretty low. Whilst true that the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of the American Military has been dropped for a more accepting tone, that is only the official/law sort of acceptance - real acceptance is a long way off and most military personnel are cautious in being openly gay, or enter into relationships, while enlisted.

YOU have started these conversations and he is polite enough to reply. Either he is a passive type fellow when it comes to relationships, in this case don't expect him to initiate conversations - ever. Or he is being very polite and not wanting to hurt your feelings.

In either case you need to put it out there what you want and make certain you make it clear to him that you want an honest, open answer from him on what he wants and that you will accept his wants/needs.

This whole 'how do I make him.....' aspect here is not the right tone you need to have.

[Adrian12345]

Thanks!

He is stationed in Singapore for work - he is not in the US militiary - sorry about the confusion.

The initiating conversation point confuses me a great deal - if he was disinterested - he would just give me one word answers etc. But there is continuation of conversation. Also, I have told him that I miss him and that I like him very much. We flirt with each other as in our messages. So I am not exactly sure where I stand??

[vacillating]

Let things happen naturally, it always works out better that way. What ever will be will be !

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks!

He is stationed in Singapore for work - he is not in the US militiary - sorry about the confusion.

The initiating conversation point confuses me a great deal - if he was disinterested - he would just give me one word answers etc. But there is continuation of conversation. Also, I have told him that I miss him and that I like him very much. We flirt with each other as in our messages. So I am not exactly sure where I stand??

OK have you actually said 'I would like to try a relationship with you'?

Telling a person you miss them is not exactly telling them what it is you want.

If I told you I like you very much, would you automatically assume that I am looking at you as a friend, a potential lover a butt buddy....?

And no, just because a person is not interested does not mean they will give one worded answers. Plenty of people engage in conversation with people they don't actually like because they feel that they must show courtesy. I do it all the time - mentally I'm screaming 'Please leave me alone' yet verbally I continue with the conversation hoping they will eventually get bored and just go away.

The whole where does civil courtesy end and begin thing alludes me. A lot of people have that problem, especially now that we live in a world which teaches us we must be friends with everyone....

Tell him exactly where you are, what it is you want and also make certain he understands you want his honest opinion not a civil response.

[AlfredM]

I don't like when I'm the one who always initiate a conversation no matter how the other party says he likes me very much. I don't mind initiating,but to be the only one initiating? I need some balance. I don't know about you,but if you are very comfortable with being the active pursuer,then go on.

If you're visiting Singapore regularly,I don't see why you should rush things and get into relationship this upcoming trip. Well,in any circumstances,rushing things is never a good option. I'd say take it down a notch and do what you usually do if he's in close proximity. Besides,there's the whole long distance things to figure out.