Confused...please help

[CollegeGuy12]

Hey guys I could really use some help on this. Last halloween I hooked up with a guy with a boyfriend. We had both been drinking at a mutual friend's house and I walked him home to his house because he was pretty drunk and then he came on to me and it just kinda happened. We didn't have sex even though he tried real hard for it. Afterwards I was really confused bc I never expected that to happen and he told me that he wasn't sure whether he wanted to be with his boyfriend and hooking up with me had been something he had thought about before. The next day he txted me to apologize and I told him we should talk in person about everything. So a few days later he came over to talk. He apologized profusely again and told me he wanted to be better friends with me bc I'm a great guy and an awesome person. I tried to tell him things were fine and that we didn't need to be good friends but he insisted. He also told me he wasn't going to tell his boyfriend and that right now we couldn't do that again. After this happened I started to run into him a lot more, not sure if this was by chance though because he'd know where I was because of my friends. Every time I run into him he pays much more attention to me than anyone else and still flirts with me. He also refuses to talk about his boyfriend to me or talk about him around me. This is still going on and Ive really started to like him. He mentioned once awhile ago that he felt like I wanted to hook up with him more but I denied it. Do you think he's interested in me? And should I tell him I like him? I really dont know what to do but I can't keep it like this. It just confuses me and I'm at a loss as to how to handle him.

[Wardo94]

Well, if he was already single, I would have suggested to keep on getting to know him. He seems to like you a lot from what you wrote. What I can say from how the situation is though, I'd say keep talking to him, but don't get too involved with him at the moment since he has his boyfriend. I mean, it seems that he doesn't have those feelings for him in the first place since he messed around with you, but to avoid problems and to not trigger anything, don't hook up with him. In time, maybe he'll tell his bf and you guys can start getting to know eachother more. And one last thing. For your well being. If he did behind his boyfriend's back, he could do it to you as well, if you guys end up together. So if you guys both end up dating, just be cautious about that and don't fall in too deep until you feel sure about the whole thing. Either way, I hope this works out for you

[Cuddly]

I would hate to break up their relationship, but it could be the start of something better for all 3 of you.

[Wolfpack]

I think you need him to be honest and open with you, messing you about is no good. You need to confront him and find out exactly what his intentions are with you, friends or maybe more. But if he wants more than friendship with you, then it is not right of him to continue to see his bf and still lead you on.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Im with Woolfy on this one.

He needs to be open and honest with you about just whats going on between him and his BF, and what his intentions are towards you. The worst thing that can happen is that he uses you for sex and has no intention of leaving his current BF. In an ideal world he would already be single.

ObW
X

[CellarDweller]

Is he staying with his boyfriend because he loves him, or doesn't want to hurt him with a breakup?

While he is taken with someone else, you need to keep your distance. He needs to make a decision about what he wants to do.

[CollegeGuy12]

I'm pretty sure he's staying with him because he doesn't want to hurt him, or at least that's how he made it seem after we talked about it. And I definitely agree with everyone. I've been considering confronting him so I think I'll do that and just get it over with. The whole thing is making me crazy..

[jimcrackcorn]

A quick word of advice about this type of situation...

In my experience, it's never a good idea to get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. The fact that he doesn't want to talk to you about his relationship - indicates that he still has strong feelings for his boyfriend and doesn't want to let you know about these feelings. A normal response of someone who is unhappy in their relationship is to talk trash about their boyfriend (usually in long drawn out detail).

Most likely he is confused about what he is feeling for you and it is conflicting with what he feels for his boyfriend. He will eventually make a decision on what to do about these feelings and the odds are against him leaving his boyfriend and going with you.

So, don't get too attached or you will most likely wind up being hurt.

Sincerely,
Jim