8 year age gap: right or wrong?

[Anonymous]

First off, I'm 23, I live in New Mexico. NM's consent laws for sexual acts dictates that for gay/lesbian partners, it's at 16.

Here's my problem:

The guy I met on Grindr stated he was 18. On our second date, he told me the truth; that he was 11 months towards 16 years old (pretty much 15 years old). Now, we're both virgins, and we both have talked about anything sexual being completely out of the question.

The thing that bothers me is this: is it right or is it wrong for a 23 year old man to date a 15/16 year old boy?

[jogu656]

Personally if its illegal I wouldn't... too risky, but if its legal and you want too... well try it, personally ive dated an 18 year old and umm it was pretty crazy but not everybody is the same, but do be careful because at that age they change their minds dramatically one day they like you and the next you never know. Now friendships are ok because you get to know them better emotionally and eventually if its meant to be it will be.

[ChadCoxRox]

The thing that bothers me is this: is it right or is it wrong for a 23 year old man to date a 15/16 year old boy?

It should bother you. It's WRONG.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

In what a months time he will be legal?

Then wait a month.

[CellarDweller]

You need to wait until he is legal, and maybe a little after that.

If you became sexually active now, and that's uncovered, you will be come a sex-offender/pedophile with a note on your record that will always follow you.

Is that worth it?

[Pix]

If you want to talk about between you and this other person individually then I'd need to know a lot more. However, I'd say his lying to you about his age is a mark against him right there. I doubt 'fessing up makes it better since I expect he only did so feeling trapped into telling the truth (what else could he talk about? how could he take you home? how to explain his schedule?).

But generally speaking, yes, it's wrong. And if so many parents weren't toxic I'd also encourage you to let his parents know what he did (though given how bad many parents are I won't).

And I support the laws that make it illegal (and that age of consent with adults should be equal to age of majority which is to say I don't think this boy should be able to consent to dating you until he's 18 or that the age of majority--with rights to vote, sign contracts, etc--is lowered to 16). If this boy you mention IS ready to make adult decisions then make him PROVE it and get himself emancipated so that he's legally an adult. This generally requires that he's able to support himself (and actively does so). Once an adult then hopefully he can (at least should) make other adult decisions--like dating you.

[Jake]

8 years isn't a big deal when you both have reached legal age... but you literally want to date a children. It doesn't matter whether you are both virgin... Knowing the level of testosterone a 15 and 23 years old produce it would be just a question of minutes before you guys hit the hay and start fucking like rabbits.

As Pix said so well being adult isn't just about being legal of age, I know so many people legal of age that aren't acting like adults. An adult has responsibilities and as per your stories here we have no information on the both of you regarding your status. Like we surely know he lives with his parents, are you? Are both of you out to your friends and/or parents? Who will continuously pay the bill at the ice cream parlour? You? Unless either one of you is the children of Warren Buffets you're not the wealthiest one.

I am from a wealthy family and still at 15 I barely had a darn penny in my pockets. Many other question come to my mind, but I believe I'd stop here because Pix has already pretty well illustrated the issue there. If it is legal and you just want to taste water go for it, but be ready to spend for it because 15 years old boy don't make cash and when they do it's very little. 15 years old boys have to go to school and do their homework, 15 years old boys are under the authority of their parents and if you really want to make it legal you'll have to speak with them and make the right thing.

15 years old boys that are gay and looking for sex will ALWAYS lie about their age. Think twice!

[Charon]

One minute to 16 is still a felony. Think about. Have you seen the New Mexico State Prison? My sympathies are somewhat with you, you got hooked but remember, the kid lied. What else might he lie about? Even if you're not looking at hard time in prison, I almost guarantee you you're looking at a hard time with him. Wait until he wants you to buy him a beer or a six pack. Wait till he wants to take you home to meet his parents-get that one on film, their expressions are bound to be priceless. If he goes to school are you his date for the prom? (actually, when school finds out, get that on video as well.) This has cowbells of disaster written all over it. Certainly it's not wrong to date someone eight years your junior but it would be best if you were 26 or 28 before you did so. Good Luck. This kid is a disaster waiting to happen to you.

[ddd]

If it's illegal you should stay away from this relationship. Don't forget he is only 15 - still too young. He is in a phase to discover things you have already gone through. Usually age gap is not a big deal, but when partners are very young it could be a problem. He is still growing and discovering himself. And like Pix said if he starts a relationship with lies this is not a good sign. I don't think his parents would be happy with their son having a relationship with someone your age, so there is a possibility of facing a legal issues if you start dating him.

[HumbleTangerine]

First of all, you'd have to wait until he's legal.

Once you've done that, a lot of problems remain. First of all, one of the earliest things he told you was a lie. This is in itself a pretty bad sign. Furthermore, a gap between 16-23 is a HUGE gap in maturity. He's basically still a child on his way of becoming an adult, and you are a grown-up. Because of this child-adult aspect to your potential relationship, you'll have to be ready to endure heavy criticism from contacts on both sides. Your family and friends will most likely want to know why you're in a relationship with a child, and his family/friends will wonder why he's seeking romance from a man much older than him.

Once he's 16 and legal it's not "wrong" but there are still so many problems left. I'm 18 and I think 16 year olds are too young for me.