TGo to my ex's Birthday dinner or not?

[swalter]

I think you're making this a lot harder than it needs to be. I don't know the specifics of your relationship, so I really can't say why he and his friends thought it was a good idea to invite you. I'm also at a loss to understand why you'd think not coming would be interpreted as a sign of weakness; that's a bizarre conclusion.

Do what you want. What I, or anyone else says doesn't matter. You know yourself and the situation better than we do. However, as a completely unbiased 3rd party, I've made my thoughts on the matter clear. Best wishes.

[novice]

Just an update:
I was just called & uninvited by the best friend (by VM) - I purposely didn't answer. He'd "gotten a list but didn't realize we were having problems in our friendship" blah blah blah -- he "was having to uninvited like 5 people - it was my mistake I'm so sorry". He said call him back if I had any questions which I don't need to. It IS an F-ed up situation but " resolves" the "friends" issue by taking the decision out of my hands. Also means he's with someone else so doesn't want me to see that. Just compounds the damage. Ugh. My life continues to go downhill.

[novice]

Just an update:

I was called & UNinvited to the party by the best friend (?!). He claimed to be: "so sorry, he didn't know what to say, it was his fault" blah blah blah. Also claimed: "I didn't know you two were having problems if your 'friendship' or whatever" (?!). Said he'd gotten a list of who to invite but now "was having to go back & uninvite about five people" (?!). WHY have to uninvite the others? Who knows. He said I could call him back if I had any questions. I haven't.

Then, 2 hours later he's called & left another voice mail which I won't listen to because I cannot fathom how it could be anything "good" for me to hear/know. I am a normal person (in spite of this having me in an awful emotional state) so this entire scenario seems as crazy & absurd to me as it does to any of you.

[swalter]

Aye, Dios mio! After all this, uninviting you from the party is a trashy, low-class move, indicative of an immature child. You did the right thing by not bothering to listen to their latest VM. You don't need to subject yourself to his childish antics. I hope you can see now that it's him and his friends who are behaving badly, and not you. Keep your head up, and maintain your dignity. Forget this clown and move on to real men.

[novice]

Aye, Dios mio! After all this, uninviting you from the party is a trashy, low-class move, indicative of an immature child. You did the right thing by not bothering to listen to their latest VM. You don't need to subject yourself to his childish antics. I hope you can see now that it's him and his friends who are behaving badly, and not you. Keep your head up, and maintain your dignity. Forget this clown and move on to real men.

Those two talk almost daily so unless my ex hasn't been confiding in his best friend I CANNOT believe he's not 100% aware of everything that's been going on in our situation. At best this was/is a MAJOR (careless to reckless) snafu or at worst a deliberate "game" (however to what possible end IDK!?). I find it hard to believe him doing/allowing either of these to occur (& if I didn't experience it idk if I'd believe this entire scenario if someone told me this story?!).

Thanks for the encouragement. I'll have to untangle my brain & emotions from this b.s. somehow over time.

[CellarDweller]

Aye, Dios mio! After all this, uninviting you from the party is a trashy, low-class move, indicative of an immature child. You did the right thing by not bothering to listen to their latest VM. You don't need to subject yourself to his childish antics. I hope you can see now that it's him and his friends who are behaving badly, and not you. Keep your head up, and maintain your dignity. Forget this clown and move on to real men.

couldn't have said it better myself. What a shitty thing to do.

[novice]

couldn't have said it better myself. What a shitty thing to do.

Even so I am having a very hard time with it all. I can "believe" he's (or they) are a-hole's but I'm still stuck 100% alone with only one friend in another state to text occasionally. Someone treats you poorly but then you have no "recourse" so you just have to "accept" it (?). Also the reason (I'm guessing) for the "uninvite" just adds to the pain of it.

I'm furious I now have to "know" this event will take place less than a quarter mile away when I NEVER had to know about!?!? How can I instantly hate someone? Being prone to depression & lacking any support (other than here) I've not withstood the stress, etc of this very well. I am near a nervous & mental wreck so just "going" out here or there or most anything else doesn't help. I've tried EVERY tool to fight this from dragging me down so far - believe me. I'm exhausted & don't have much fight left.

[novice]

Even so I am having a very hard time with it all. I can "believe" he's (or they) are a-hole's but I'm still stuck 100% alone with only one friend in another state to text occasionally. Someone treats you poorly but then you have no "recourse" so you just have to "accept" it (?). Also the reason (I'm guessing) for the "uninvite" just adds to the pain of it.

I'm furious I now have to "know" this event will take place less than a quarter mile away when I NEVER had to know about!?!? How can I instantly hate someone? Being prone to depression & lacking any support (other than here) I've not withstood the stress, etc of this very well. I am near a nervous & mental wreck so just "going" out here or there or most anything else doesn't help. I've tried EVERY tool to fight this from dragging me down so far - believe me. I'm exhausted & don't have much fight left.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I didn't ask probably because I feared he might say he was sure he doesn't want a bf relationship with me ever again - or - possibly something else equally hurtful.

Fear of rejection falls within nominal parameters of human experience.

However, allowing that fear to paralyze you and cause you to stop living YOUR life is a bit of insanity and is unhealthy.

9 months... its over.

Don't go to the party. Stay home, get drunk, go out with your own set of friends - something - ANYTHING other than go through hurting yourself putting yourself in a situation where you are so close yet so far.

No he is not going to take you back. And even if he did, I assure you this 9 months of hurting and sorrow you have been through will make any relationship with him untenable.

Let him go, move on with your life.

[novice]

I hear you....& logically "understand" but its only been 2 months & part of that time I wasn't sure it was dead. I HOPE 9 months is enough to recover fully. I probably wasn't going anyway & am now (or never was welcome) - uninvited.

He called me just last Tuesday - 2 days before this invitation - as recently as that I would've told you he "cared" about me (but not wanting a relationship) so to say this "uninvite" is a shock is putting it mildly.

Is it partly my fault for staying "around" long enough for this happen - yes. I already intended to cease contact before this dinner ever came up. Me at ANY place w/ him & other people socially again never entered my mind. In this situation he was "forced" to decide - me there OR a/the "new" ex guy - it couldn't be both. WHY the fuck I was ever ON any invitation list under those circumstances idk except a "mistake" & the best friend not realizing or thinking I'd have a problem with it.

I don't have any friends. So, I will do something else at that time. Probably just drive anywhere AWAY from this area for an hour or two & then return home.