Straight, but had a thing with a gay friend and confused now

[Anonymous]

First of all I would like to say that I’m from Russia so maybe my English is not very well, but if you don’t understand something, ask and I’ll try to explain more comprehensible.
Honestly I don’t know what to do. I’m a straight guy, but I did something with a gay guy and now I’m mixed-up in my feelings and I don’t know anymore who I really am and what I want. This guy is my very best friend, we know each other since we were babies, we’ve even played together in the same stroller. Our mothers are great friends too.

Now we’re both 18 years old and since now it’s very warm and beautiful weather outside, we spend lots of time outdoors. We both love bicycling and that day we cycled many miles outside the town and stopped in some meadow where we ate and relaxed a bit. I noticed that he’s quite sad and worried and so I asked what’s wrong. We usually tell each other everything, but this time he was not very talkative and he even said that if he told me what’s wrong with him, I wouldn’t be his friend anymore. I tried to encourage him to tell me what’s the matter and he finally told me he’s gay. I was quite surprised because he always seemed to be interesed in girls, but I’m quite liberal person and I didn’t even have a thought to dump him as a friend. He was very sad about this and he was like " it's easy for, you to talk, you're into girls". I told him that I always will be his friend and he then kissed me. I didn't push hm away, because he was so desperate and I wanted to make him feel better. As there were no people around we also did other things....but not actual sex.

However when we went back to home and later that day I started to feel very ashamed of what we did. I was also.worried that someone might find out. I'm straight after all and straight guy shouldn't do intimate things with gay guy. Then some days later we went cycling again and he wanted to do what we did again, but I told him I don't want to. He asked me why and I said I'm not gay, that's why. He was quite sad and he was like "I thought you said there's nothing wrong with being gay". Actually I wanted him to.touch me, but I know I'll never allow him that again.

Now I'm so confused. I keep thinking about him all the time. He's my best friend and I don't want that to change. But when I remember his hands on me, I feel something else, something that's not only friendship. What does it mean-that I'm gay too or what? I never liked boys before.

[Uneunsae]

Go with the flow. If you like when he touches you, let him touch you. There's nothing wrong with it. Given that you've been friends for a lifetime, you might be very happy with each other.

[Cuddly]

If you're gay, you'll know or find out eventually. You seem pretty sure you're straight, so I guess you're straight. There's nothing wrong with having done this and that. You don't need to be ashamed of what you did. Worst case scenario, it's a lesson learned and an experience gained, that many straight men probably never get to have.
The problem is, that your friend is confused. You did what you did, or so you said, because he was sad and you wanted him to feel better, so you helped him the best way you could, in your mind. Unfortunately, you've caused him more confusion. You just need to talk to him, tell him you're absolutely fine with him being gay and that what happened the other day, wasn't what you intended and happened because you were confused and knew he was sad, and really wanted him to feel better, but that you now know you may have hurt him more, which you're sorry for. But you know you're not gay and respect and treasure your friendship as you always have and hope it will stay the same. You don't care that your friend is gay, you just want him to be happy, but you want him to understand that you're not gay. (Right?)

[happyschizoid]

I would start by asking yourself why you feel ashamed when most on this site will tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

No matter the sex if I enjoy being touched by someone I will allow it, it is a wonderful feeling.

[HIkerSkier]

Honestly I don’t know what to do. I’m a straight guy, but I did something with a gay guy and now I’m mixed-up in my feelings and I don’t know anymore who I really am and what I want. This guy is my very best friend . . .

I told him that I always will be his friend and he then kissed me. I didn't push hm away, because he was so desperate and I wanted to make him feel better. As there were no people around we also did other things....but not actual sex.

later that day I started to feel very ashamed of what we did . . .

Actually I wanted him to.touch me, but I know I'll never allow him that again.

Now I'm so confused. I keep thinking about him all the time. He's my best friend and I don't want that to change. But when I remember his hands on me, I feel something else, something that's not only friendship. What does it mean-that I'm gay too or what?

Hey, Guy,

There is no reason to feel ashamed at having had some intimate contact with your friend. It is very common the world over for young men who are by nature straight to have some sexual experiences with other men. In the USA, more than half of the men have had sex with another man at some point in their lives (although few will admit it publicly), and today, most male teenagers have had sexual experiences with other guys. That doesn't mean thy are gay - just engaging in normal experimentation.

You are what you are, just like he is what he is. Doesn't sound like you are gay, since you say you don't feel gay. If you are not sure now, trust us that at some point you will know instinctively whether you are gay or straight. You will just know.

Since you are anonymous here, you could safely tell us more explicitly what you did, and how you are feeling. You say As there were no people around we also did other things....but not actual sex. I assumed you kissed. What do you mean by but not actual sex ? That you held his member in your hand, but that there was no contact between the mouth and the member? There was on insertion of the member? [This sounds like a Victorian novel, but I get the impression, that if real words are used, this response won't be posted on this site - kind of prudish to be sure]. If you did more than kiss, than you had sex. But like I said, no big deal - lots of straight teenagers do it.

You also said [I]But when I remember his hands on me, I feel something else, something that's not only friendship.[/I] What did you feel? I can not tell if you felt something negative - like revulsion - you thought you wanted to vomit - or if you felt something positive, like you remember how good it felt to you. You should clarify for dumb readers like me that cannot tell what you meant. If you felt that those were good memories - that stirred something in you that made you want to do if again - that does not mean that you are gay.

I assume you won't abandon your friend. But if the situation comes up again, feel good about reacting the way you feel at that moment - if you want to do it again, go ahead - it does not determine who you will be for the rest of your life. If you don’t want to do anything, then don't. You could even have an affair with him for a few months or years, and it would still not mean that you are gay for life. Just do what feels naturally. Take care. We know these are dangerous times for talking about gay things in Russia.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Korean culture is quite interesting.

It would appear that a lot of males give back rubs, hugs, hold hands and all manner of physical (not sexual) touching. Its called Skinship: http://www.eatyourkimchi.com/pda-in-korea/

You're personal take on two guys touching/holding hands, even kissing is based on a society that makes a big deal out of nothing.

Europeans used to do casual kissing - no big deal about it - two straight guys kissing was not a sign of homosexuality.

Since you two have been close since heck was a pup, there is no doubt a great deal of affection between you two. This doesn't mean you are lovers, but somewhere between brothers and lovers.

In the USA there is this new word that people are throwing around. Bromance. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromance

Oh before you think that that is a clear cut definition, apparently some guys use Korean "Skin-ship" along with their bromance, while others have more stringent low contact rules. So there is not clear cut definition of that word.

Humans need hugs: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-R...a-Day.html And in general contact with another human being - contact as in physical contact, casual contact, not so much sexual contact.

Humans are social creatures that rely heavily on touching in bonding. Recent research has revealed that men actually place more importance on non-sexual contact than women: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/10...94137.html

SO what did you do? Give him a blow job? No because you said it was non-sexual. So you what held hands? Hugged? Cuddled? Snuggled? If so then you are being human - and most likely a male human since that recent study reveals men are all wimpy and needy and all touchy feely unlike strong, independent women who just use men for their pleasure. :tongue:


I would caution being careful and making it clear that your friendship albeit close is not one of lovers. Keep in mind he most likely has a slight crush on you anyway, you are most likely the guy by which he will measure all potential partners by as well. Because you two have had such a long, close relationship and are best buddies.

If you two want to cuddle and snuggle and hug and stuff like that in privacy that is perfectly fine and does not make you a homosexual. Just make certain you both understand that all of that physical contact does not mean you are lovers - just close friends - bromance type friends.

[Mark]

I'd say.. if you want to do it again just do it. You will realise how you feel and if its right or wrong.. You don't need to keep wondering what to do. Just do what you want to do and enjoy being young!

[BillandChuck]

Our best advice to you is to worry less about labeling yourself and to follow your feelings. If you feel something other than friendship for your best friend, then you feel it. You can't change that. Similarly, if you really don't, if it's just experimenting and felt good physically, you might not want to experiment with him, because it seems he has more interest physically in you than you in him. So if you did, and if you ultimately decided you're not physically attracted to him (or to men in general), he'd be more hurt than if you didn't lead him to believe you were. Your best approach is to honestly talk to him about what you're feeling and to let him have the opportunity to do the same. Then you'll know what to do for both of you that gives you both the best chance of getting what you want, hopefully maintaining your strong friendship.

[Anonymous]

Well, we jerked each other off and that's basically it, but that's very much already. He wanted to give me blowjob, but I said no, because we were driving long time and also stopped to pee, so I though I would be dirty. But we jerked each other and now he wants to do that again, last tme when I refused him, he kept asking me why the whole time.

I'm also afraid this might spoil our friendship. I know.it's my fault, because I just wanted to comfort him and now it's like I've been leading him on. Probably I shouldn't have let him touch me, then maybe now we both would feel better. Now I don't know how to go somewhere with him, like hiking or something, becauce probably he'll want to do that again.

[Uneunsae]

You need to clarify what you're feeling that's "not friendship". Do you have affection for him? Did you like being intimate with him? I'm trying to figure out whether you genuinely don't want to do anything with him again or if you're just afraid of being gay.