Confused About a Friend
06-05-2014, 12:49 AM
Hello Everyone.
I have a long story to tell and would like unbiased advice (as far as my tale can be unbiased in and of itself). My friends, needless to say, let their advice be tinted by concern for me and I don't know if they weigh all the facts when hearing what I have to say.
I recently broke up with my partner of 7 years. Shortly before that, an old friend came back into the picture. The story of said old friend is this: We met this guy three years ago when we were going through a wild phase and meeting guys for three ways. The friend had just broken up with his first boyfriend a few months prior. Before that, he had spent years toeing the line as a "straight" man, having been with a couple of women and even in LTRs with them. This person became a regular third and became very close to us both. For some reason I can't explain, I began to develop feelings for him. As a result, my partner cut all ties with him requiring I do the same. I really wanted to be friends with this person, but my devotion to my partner outweighed that wish. For two years, we didn't see or speak to this person with the exception of a few texts when he heard my partner was in the hospital and he wanted to see if he could help.
That being said, my partner and I broke up over his infidelity and his apathy toward my feelings on the matter, as well as a year+ of him refusing to pull his weight financially. My partner blamed the old friend for the breakup, although many of our other friends had already said they saw an end coming, long before the old friend returned. The old friend had nothing to do with my decision to break up with my partner.
Now, my partner and I are split up. It's a full blown breakup after I found out he screwed around on me behind my back, not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE times (tested neg shortly after I found out, thank God). And now, the old friend and I have begun to associate more... freely.
Although the friend and I have had sex since the breakup, he has told me that he is more comfortable with someone joining us for now. I'm not sure why, but that's what he has said. We fool around a little bit from time to time, but in general we're two friends looking for threesome action. That's our sex life in a nutshell.
Socially and emotionally, he texts me all the time. He called me one night and we talked for near an hour, in spite of the fact that he says he almost never calls people on the phone. He frequently flirts with me, and even talks about doing things in the future. For instance, he was out of town one week and he told me about a restaurant he and his friends went to and suggested we go sometime. He has even entertained the idea of a vacation to one of his favorite cities later this year; just the two of us. I'm fine with this, in fact it makes me feel special at a time when I've had a serious emotional shakeup.
But he also acts kinda jealous of a platonic friend of mine (though said friend and I have a little bit of a past... long past and not to be repeated) and in the next breath he tells me about a super hot straight guy he would marry if he could.
I know I don't want a relationship right now. I have fun with this friend, both sexually and non-sexually. The problem is I like to know where I stand with people. Considering all of these factors, does it seem like he is just keeping his distance so that I can get over my ex and sort out my feelings, or does it seem like he is stringing me along for the sake of his own amusement? I have honestly never known him to be a cruel person, but I'm getting so many mixed signals, I can't tell if he might not be screwing with me.
I have a long story to tell and would like unbiased advice (as far as my tale can be unbiased in and of itself). My friends, needless to say, let their advice be tinted by concern for me and I don't know if they weigh all the facts when hearing what I have to say.
I recently broke up with my partner of 7 years. Shortly before that, an old friend came back into the picture. The story of said old friend is this: We met this guy three years ago when we were going through a wild phase and meeting guys for three ways. The friend had just broken up with his first boyfriend a few months prior. Before that, he had spent years toeing the line as a "straight" man, having been with a couple of women and even in LTRs with them. This person became a regular third and became very close to us both. For some reason I can't explain, I began to develop feelings for him. As a result, my partner cut all ties with him requiring I do the same. I really wanted to be friends with this person, but my devotion to my partner outweighed that wish. For two years, we didn't see or speak to this person with the exception of a few texts when he heard my partner was in the hospital and he wanted to see if he could help.
That being said, my partner and I broke up over his infidelity and his apathy toward my feelings on the matter, as well as a year+ of him refusing to pull his weight financially. My partner blamed the old friend for the breakup, although many of our other friends had already said they saw an end coming, long before the old friend returned. The old friend had nothing to do with my decision to break up with my partner.
Now, my partner and I are split up. It's a full blown breakup after I found out he screwed around on me behind my back, not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE times (tested neg shortly after I found out, thank God). And now, the old friend and I have begun to associate more... freely.
Although the friend and I have had sex since the breakup, he has told me that he is more comfortable with someone joining us for now. I'm not sure why, but that's what he has said. We fool around a little bit from time to time, but in general we're two friends looking for threesome action. That's our sex life in a nutshell.
Socially and emotionally, he texts me all the time. He called me one night and we talked for near an hour, in spite of the fact that he says he almost never calls people on the phone. He frequently flirts with me, and even talks about doing things in the future. For instance, he was out of town one week and he told me about a restaurant he and his friends went to and suggested we go sometime. He has even entertained the idea of a vacation to one of his favorite cities later this year; just the two of us. I'm fine with this, in fact it makes me feel special at a time when I've had a serious emotional shakeup.
But he also acts kinda jealous of a platonic friend of mine (though said friend and I have a little bit of a past... long past and not to be repeated) and in the next breath he tells me about a super hot straight guy he would marry if he could.
I know I don't want a relationship right now. I have fun with this friend, both sexually and non-sexually. The problem is I like to know where I stand with people. Considering all of these factors, does it seem like he is just keeping his distance so that I can get over my ex and sort out my feelings, or does it seem like he is stringing me along for the sake of his own amusement? I have honestly never known him to be a cruel person, but I'm getting so many mixed signals, I can't tell if he might not be screwing with me.
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Gemini
