Who is the confused one?

[Confuzzled4]

I apologize if I seem needy and droning, but I am rather confused about a "situation" that I have. I have a friend that I am really attracted to, let's call him Eric. Eric and I have been friends for about 11 years. I never saw him as a love interest for many years until last summer. Over the summer, I was at his house and he came up with a game where we would throw a ball in the pool and if it dropped we had to scramble to retrieve it only using our hands once it reached a certain height. This led to a lot of touching and would be the first time I started becoming attracted to him. A few months went by and I then saw him in November. While I was seeing him, we were leaving his house when he randomly slapped my butt and said "you have a nice plump behind." I am paraphrasing, but he did slap me and make a comment roughly in those words. Then the next time we were together in an outdoor gallery I suppose you would call it. He went to put his arm around the back of my neck and rest on my shoulder (he's about 5 inches taller than I am) and quickly drew it back when he saw two other people approaching. Now I really don't understand what to make of him because I really think he's a closeted bisexual. What makes this leading on (in my mind) difficult is the fact that he has a girlfriend. In my mind his heart's not where it should be because of his family upbringing. But all of this is troublesome to me. I find myself thinking about him almost daily and wishing that our deep friendship could be something more. Am I simply trapped in a fantasy? Am I right? Is there more to look into? Does my friend have some unexplored interest? What do you think? Please give me your input. Thanks so so much.

[rroepcke]

I think you could just let it play out - he hasn't been overtly sexual towards you. This almost sounds like a bromance. I guess if one day he lets his hand linger on your butt, or make a move to kiss, or touch your penis then it is safe to say he wants to try other things.

If you've been friends with someone for so long you don't want to jeopardise that by making a move.

[jimcrackcorn]

Most straight guys will get touchy-feely with their close friends. It's just their way of showing friendly affection....

Don't confuse this friendship as a possible romantic relationship,,, it can tear apart the friendship and leave you heartbroken.

If I were you,,, the next time he gets a little too touchy-feely,,,,, I'd tell him (in a friendly way) that you don't want to be touched like that until he gets rid of his girlfriend,,, and then maybe,, just maybe,,, he can become your boyfriend... That should get the message across without causing any problems.

I have a question for you. Does your friend know that you are gay? I ask this because some straight guys like to flirt with gay guys. They don't want to have a relationship with you, or anything sexual. Below is a link to why some straight guys will flirt with a gay man.

http://theguyliner.com/2014/03/19/the-ri...k-out-for/

Good luck,
Jim

[LJay]

Let him call the shots on this one. If he makes a definite move then respond as you wish. If things get to happening then slow down and ask for a clear talk about the girlfriend. In the meantime try not to read too much into things and do whatever you guys usually do together. There is a lot to be said for having friends and friends are not always simple.

[Confuzzled4]

Ok well this is unusual because I posted this thread twice, the first time needed approval from a moderator and the second time it just went through. But I wrote about this and got feedback on the other thread. My friend knows I'm gay, and I basically let him know I wish he was gay by saying to him after the pool incident "I wish some of my friends were gay because they're so wonderful." Of which he said such is life, but his following actions were more intimate (if that's the right word) after that. If you know that I feel that way and you don't why do things you never did before in a 10 year friendship?

[Confuzzled4]

Most straight guys will get touchy-feely with their close friends. It's just their way of showing friendly affection....

Don't confuse this friendship as a possible romantic relationship,,, it can tear apart the friendship and leave you heartbroken.

If I were you,,, the next time he gets a little too touchy-feely,,,,, I'd tell him (in a friendly way) that you don't want to be touched like that until he gets rid of his girlfriend,,, and then maybe,, just maybe,,, he can become your boyfriend... That should get the message across without causing any problems.

I have a question for you. Does your friend know that you are gay? I ask this because some straight guys like to flirt with gay guys. They don't want to have a relationship with you, or anything sexual. Below is a link to why some straight guys will flirt with a gay man.

http://theguyliner.com/2014/03/19/the-ri...k-out-for/

Good luck,
Jim

Thank you for the article, and I must say if he falls into any of those categories it's certainly the Mr. WhatIf. I told a mutual friend of ours, and he said that he may be mostly straight but into experimenting. Only thing that's odd about that is typically that would be college days and we're 2 years out from finishing college. I will find out in a few weeks for sure though, I will see him gauge first and then talk to him. I feel strongly enough that even if he has no interest our friendship is strong enough to overcome my feelings.

[kindy64]

There is no timeline for experimentation...

Don't let your fantasy and feelings overwhelm you. If he is curious/questioning, he has to take things on his own terms. Maybe he's just comfortable showing you a side of him he would never show anyone else. To many maybe's

I wouldn't invest in thinking that there's a chance of anything beyond what's happened. I would develop some boundaries, and maybe tell him, hey, don't touch me like that, that's how I want a boyfriend to touch me, not my best friend.