I feel terrible, and I hate myself for it.

[TwisttheLeaf]

You will never see yourself how other see you, so don't question the good things people say about you, it is as simple as that you just can't see it.

This right here is some of the best advice I can give you.. and I didn't give it.

What others see is what you present to the world. What YOU see is tinged by private biases and failures, wants, needs, values and disappointments.

I know how hard it can be to take it easy on yourself. I have that problem myself.

At one time in my life, prior to finding my partner Gideon... I was entirely independent. Entirely uninterested in love. Empathetic. Unromantic. Detached and happily so. Single and happily so.

When I met my partner, I -fought- falling for him. I fought it. I ran from it. I worked -very hard- to try and destroy it. I was terrified of what most people long for. Someone to love and who loves me.

Now? 6 years later, I can tell you. There is absolutely -nothing wrong- with being a romantic. There is absolutely -nothing wrong- with wanting someone to love, and someone to love you in turn.

Go easy on yourself, man. You're allowed to want that. It's okay to need it. And sooner or later, you'll get there.

[CellarDweller]

Big hugs to you Anonymous! Sometimes just expressing it makes you feel better.

Please be gentle with yourself, and remember that we all feel this way from time to time.

[Bluelight]

I used to feel like this a lot, I still do sometimes, but ever since I started focusing on things that make me feel good about myself (and trust me, I didn't think there was anything to feel good about), I really started to feel stronger, and I'm starting to realize that I'm becoming the type of guy who I would want to be with. I mean, of course I'm still working on a few things, if you've ever read my posts you can see I still have my moments of frustration and despair, but I'm a much happier person than I used to be.

If you recognize just one thing you have that other people admire and really embrace that, you will gain a better outlook on things.

[Kha]

people told me the exact same things and I was so depressed last year, I played Radiohead's Creep "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, wth am I doing here..." all day , really.

Then I found out it's not like that.
The best things come to people who wait.
Trust me !

Now cheers up !

[AlohaShannon]

everyone just keeps telling me ' Oh, the guy who gets you is gonna be lucky as hell. You're so confident, funny and smart. You have a way of lighting the room up when everyones feeling down ' and to be honest, I'm none of those things. I'm not confident. I'm not funny. I'm definitely not smart.

Marky is right, we never see the great qualities in ourselves the way others do (unless you're narcissistic). But people are seeing these qualities in you for a reason. I don't know you from anyone else but I can say with confidence that you are smart. Your post was very well-written and to be blunt, an idiot couldn't have written it the way you did. So, stupid you are not!

I also concede that self-esteem plays a role in whether or not we can accept compliments and you admitted that yours is very low. It's understandable that you are unable to accept the way people describe you. Just know that there are people out there that see you as a great person and tell you such nice things. If you were a jerk, I doubt any of them would care less about how you feel.

So there, we've established that you aren't stupid and you're not a jerk.

[Uneunsae]

People always say good things about me, but sometimes I cannot see them for myself. It's not easy sometimes, but we are so hard on ourselves.

A good friend told me once that I have high standards in life. Meaning I'm a good person who has strong ethics and principles. He said that it's very obvious and that most people aren't that way. Most people are pretty wishy washy and not steadfast. So I intimidate people. But you know what... my best partner had my same ethics and it was a love like you only read about in stories. So now I'm just going to wait for a person who will love me and not worry about those who don't.

You will eventually meet someone who will love all your good qualities and everything that makes you special.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I guess I'm going to start taking long quiet walks. Seems to always work. Something about the night, and walking quietly while thinking that gives me a certain clarity. Thank you everyone.

[aYVRguy]

Great advice from Shannon. Maybe you're wrong and your friends are actually right after all.

[KingOfChaos]

There's nothing wrong with being romantic - I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic too, and I hope I never outgrow it.
As for putting your happiness in the hands of another person - I think that, to an extent, we all feel happier when we have someone to share our lives. But I learned a lesson about that. When I was 20, I fell in love with Dan, a truly amazing guy. We lived together for 3 years and he was my world, everything was about him. And then he was killed in a horrific accident. I thought that I would die, too, and it took time and a lot of therapy to discover that I had an identity, a purpose and a life apart from Dan. I love my current BF to death, but there's a part of me that I hold separate, because I know that there's no real permanence in this life.
As for the difference between the image you project and the way you feel - I can really relate to that. I'm a paramedic, a first responder, and people say about me that I'm always calm, competent and can deal with anything - but let me tell you, there have been times when I was purely scared shitless. On the inside I'm feeling like I want to run, I can't handle it. But I somehow manage. And I'll be damned of I let those moments and those thoughts define me, and you shouldn't either.
Sorry, I'm writing a book here. But those doubts affect most of us at one time or another. You project a very different image from the way you describe yourself. You need to try to incorporate that image. which I suspect is more reality-based. I have a friend in AA and they have this slogan "Act As If" --- act like who you want to be. To an extent, you're already doing that. So stop the negative self-talk and acknowledge yourself for the amazing person that you are.

[VidasParalelas]

You sound like you are recognizing your unhealthy thought patterns. I think a next step is to invest in cognitive therapy to 'reprogram' your thought patterns.