How to survive the absence of my love?

[Anonymous]

So hello guys, I never thought I'll ask questions like this in the internet, but now I think I better do, maybe you can help me with some good advice.

I've a boyfriend, we're together for 7 months now. We're happy, he's the kind of person I've always wanted to meet. He's a student and he got offered a chance to go on an exchange program and study abroad. That basically means we won't see each other for 8 months. He's not happy about that either. At first he didn't really want to go because of me and he said that he'll do as I say. Of course, I wanted so much for him to reject the offer and stay with me, but then I realized that this is a very big chance for him and when he'll finish his studies and look for a job, this single fact that he has studied abroad might mean a lot. So I thought rationally not emotionally and I told him to go. He asked me hundreds of times if I was sure and since I didn't change my decision he accepted.

Now it's almost three weeks since he's gone and I feel like I'm breaking apart. I don't know how to survive all this time without him. It feels like I've nothing to live for now. Every day I get up and go to job and don't understand why should I do it all. Then in the evening I come home and I don't really want to, because I know no one is waiting for me there. Sure, I've friends, but since I'm closeted, I can't discuss this with them. They know him as a good friend of mine and that we're renting living place together because of financial reasons. It'd be strange if I'd cry on their shoulders for just a friend. And no, I'm not ready to come out.
He's calling me every day and we're talking and I've to control myself so that he wouldn't hear tears in my voice. He says how much he misses me and sometimes thinks about just leaving everything to come back to me. Another thing I'm worried about is that this might mean the end of our relationship. Although I trust him and I believe he wouldn't do that, I worry that he might meet someone there. I'm from France and he's in Italy now. We all know how handsome and charming Italian men are, definitely better than me.

What I'm asking you is, how to live with this constant emptiness? Only few weeks have passed and I'm already falling apart, when all the longest wait is in front of me. I've already taken on so much work that my boss is wondering, but the more I work, the less I have to think about this. It really feels like he has taken part of me with him.

[Uneunsae]

You shouldn't be empty and not knowing the reason why you should get up each day because your boyfriend isn't there beside you. Life is more than relationships. (Few people understand this!) Do everything and have fun with YOURSELF.

[Kha]

I can feel this.
These kinds of feeling, can't avoid it, can't make it go away immediately ...
And yeah I think the best way to do is just enjoying the pain, the emptiness inside of you.
Time can heal anything.

[showme]

How will you survive? Put one foot in front of the other. To be very direct, when he comes back you'll have been apart longer than you were together - the relationship may well not survive. But it may, who knows. You need to be realistic about this to some degree, and not twist yourself up into such knots about it. It's also not fair to him to place this much stress on the relationship this early in - if you flip out over the separation, you're more likely to drive him away than keep him.

You say you aren't ready to come out, but I think it's a mistake to foreclose that altogether. You need friends who you can talk to, who can lend an ear when you're troubled. It doesn't have to be everyone, try picking a very close friend or two who you know will be ok with it and will keep your confidence. I guarantee you'll feel a lot better if you start to let go of the stress of being closeted, at least to a limited degree.

[meninlove]

Anonymous, there are couples where one has to go off on duty for longer stretches (military). Bill's Mom had to do without her husband for months while he did his practicum in LA (they lived in Canada).
Your man loves you so much he's talking about tossing it all and coming back to you. This is so many kinds of wonderful I get a flutter of happy myself. You have a huge advantage in this day and age; you can skype or google plus hangout or email or even talk on the phone.

warmly,

-Doug

[TwisttheLeaf]

Long distance relationships are difficult. They just are, yeah? I've been in one with Gideon for six years now.

Daily contact with your partner will help, even if it's just skype, or email, or even a snail mail letter every day. Tell how you feel, and how you need more contact. Let him help.

[novice]

It sucks but at least you know he's coming back at some point.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Love sucks, don't it?

Here is the real problem, you two are in that hot passionate first kiss of love stage. Had this taken place at or around the year three stage you most likely would have welcomed the break and not feel all tore up.

At the decade mark you most likely would have celebrated and be wondering if you could convince him to take extra credit over there just to stay there a couple months more....

Time is the thing that leads perspective to these matters.

Also understand time is relative. Time slows down when you want something to happen or to be over with. Time speeds up when you want whatever is happening to keep on going or when there is a deadline.

So you are also suffering from relative time.

8 months ain't nothing. Its a drop in the bucket of days that are rapidly slipping through your fingers. When you hit 40 you will fully understand how rapidly time is going. After that years become weeks, decades mere months.

You'll be ok.

[Gideon]

Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships, especially when they don't start out that way would be harder still. But if it's right? If you love him and he loves you...then it's going to work out, man. It's 8 months which seems like forever but it's 8 months out of your entire lives. 8 months in which he's able to have a whole new experience and education to bring back with him.

Keep faith and communicate. All the emotions that you're going through, he's probably going through too. Trust me it's just as hard being the one gone as the one left behind, in some ways even harder.

So talk it out, talk as much as you can...emails, IMs, phone or skype. Snail mails even give that personalized -something- Send him a care package, just silly things that will remind him of you to surround himself with.

[meninlove]

Love sucks, don't it?

Here is the real problem, you two are in that hot passionate first kiss of love stage. Had this taken place at or around the year three stage you most likely would have welcomed the break and not feel all tore up.

At the decade mark you most likely would have celebrated and be wondering if you could convince him to take extra credit over there just to stay there a couple months more....

Time is the thing that leads perspective to these matters.

Also understand time is relative. Time slows down when you want something to happen or to be over with. Time speeds up when you want whatever is happening to keep on going or when there is a deadline.

So you are also suffering from relative time.

8 months ain't nothing. Its a drop in the bucket of days that are rapidly slipping through your fingers. When you hit 40 you will fully understand how rapidly time is going. After that years become weeks, decades mere months.

You'll be ok.

I'm with you beginning with the word Time, but can't agree with what you stated before that, lol! *winks*