Who was being unreasonable - me or bf?

[jamsterdam]

Hi all,

Last night me and my bf of 8 months went to a birthday party. We had fun, talked to many people there. We met this straight couple, both the guy and the woman were beautiful and fun to converse with. By the time we left, I had had more than a few drinks, but I am a good drunk, so me being intoxicated does not involve any inappropriate comments, improper behavior, or anything of the sort. I merely become even more outgoing with everyone.
While bf was driving us back home, he started discussing how hot the guy of the nice couple was. And don't get me wrong, I too thought he was sexy, so I agreed with bf, but then he responded "No, he was extremely hot." To this I responded "He was just ok hot, I wouldn't say super hot." And here is when bf went above and beyond in breaking down to me why he considered him so hot. Like I said, I was already drunk, so all I remember from the breakdown was that it was a long one, and that he talked about what a nice personality the guy had, and how positive and smiling he was, and how good looking he is physically, etc.
While I was being nagged about the hotness of this guy, I realized that this talk is a complete turnoff to me. I guess I felt shadowed by the dazzling aura of this guy expressed through the words of my bf. Quite honestly, it wasn't a pleasant thing to hear from your own bf.
My reaction? I told bf "You know what? You need to learn when to cap it." Then he had the impertinence to say that he was just joking and I had no sense of humor, which only aggravated the sour taste in my mouth. Covering up serious talk with the excuse of having been joking is definitely a pet peeve of mine. I told him "I was horny for you tonight and wanted us to have sex when we get home, but your comments completely killed my desire."

I know some of you may say I lack self-confidence if I let talks about hot guys bother me. Maybe I do, you be the judge. But I ask, is it normal to hear such comments from your bf? I also consider many guys to be extremely hot. Do I go out of my way to point this out to my bf? Absolutely not. For some reason, I believe these thoughts are something partners should keep to themselves because revealing them doesn't exactly make your significant other feel great.

What is your take on this? Has anyone had a similar experience? Do you consider sharing with your bf your fascination with another guy is appropriate?

[lobishomen]

I had and probably will continue to have similar problems with a FWB of mine. Not exactly the same thing, I know, but he has a tendency to talk about this really hot guy who is so sweet that he works with, but is pretty sure he's straight. Makes me feel like I'm just a meat sex toy until he figures out if this super hot guy might be gay. But, I keep getting all kinds of mixed signals from my FWB, so I guess this one is par for the course.

In short, your BF was a bit out of line, going on like that was not necessary. It's great when you and your BF see a hot guy and can both agree that he was hot, but going on like that is what I would consider a relationship no-no.

[Uneunsae]

I also think he was out of line.

[Undreamt]

there is a difference between having a conversation and really pushing a ocnversation when the other person is uncomfortable

[LJay]

Arguing when you are drunk is a bit like wrestling a greased pig. It has been said, and wisely, that you should not do it. You just get dirty and the pig enjoys it. In this case, you were both out of line because alcohol was the third party--the pig--in the room. Time for both of you to admit that and let the whole thing slide.

[HIkerSkier]

Most people would find irritating this kind of talk from a S.O. It would be better if he could keep all of fantasizing about this guy to himself. Maybe after this event has become a bit more remote, you two could have a talk in which you let him know this talk bothers you, and wish that he would not do it again in the future.

[Camfer]

I vote for C, you're both out of line. Your BF going on and on was insensitive. You being drunk and snapping at him to cap it was also insensitive. Had you been sober, you might have simply told him you didn't want to hear it because it annoys you when he goes on and on about that. I recommend forgetting the whole thing.

[Iceblink]

You're making too much out of this. He was being stupid and you were drunk and overreacted. Put it behind and move on, because if you end up having a lengthy or lifetime relationship, this won't be your only spat. This isn't that big of a deal to keeping fretting over.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

impertinence, pet peeves, cap it, alcohol... Nice vocabulary coupled with a known toxin - never ends well.

Sounds to me you both have issues and can't really do serious communication when needed.

You basically challenged an opinion which happened to be 'hotness factor of straight dude at Birthday party'.

Exactly what tone of voice did you use when you said "He was just ok hot, I wouldn't say super hot."?

I bet your nasty comes out when you are drunk and you don't even know it.

Most drunks have no clue about their own behaviors and patterns and live in denial that they turn ugly in some form or fashion. Self perception while being drunk is changed and of course since you can't recall all the conversation due to alcohol consumption gods only know what kind of attitude you copped when you replied sending this conversation into the arena of a challenge.

I have been with guys who could admire beauty in others. It didn't phase me no matter how hot or sexy they thought another guy was. I frankly don't care where they get their appetite as long as they eat at home.

Males tend to note sexiness. They are hardwired for it. Get used to this. Those who claim not to notice are either blind or liars...

Your BF was having a bluntly open and honest discussion with you, about a subject which you didn't like. The way you shut him down is going to affect how future conversations go on.

Consider yourself fortunate to be with a guy who trusts 'us' enough to voice his real opinions about this sort of thing. Most would remain silent, many would remain silent and act on their desires. You know, cheating.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Gideon and I sometimes comment on the hotness of others to each other. But, neither of us do it in the hurtful, insistent way that that you're describing.

You may have been drunk, but I'm assuming that since he was driving, that he wasn't. That makes his behavior both hurtful and out of line in my opinion, regardless of how many drinks -you- may have had.

I agree with HikerSkiier along the lines of "Maybe after this event has become a bit more remote, you two could have a talk in which you let him know this talk bothers you, and wish that he would not do it again in the future." but you may want to include that it wasn't so much pointing out the man was hot that was the issue, but how he went about it that hurt your feelings.