Your first time having sex of any kind

[AlfredM]

Hi. So in the last thread,I posted as anonymous in the "I feel like a hypocrite" thread.

I've been on a hunt for a hook up since then,just for light fun like hand job and blow job. Sounds like I'm rushing to lose my virginity,but I was indeed having the weirdest urge of my life that no longer can be contained with just porn and masturbation.

So I finally met a guy (online,not in real life yet),and we talked and kind of became friends,except of course,we're interested in getting in each other's pants. He said he doesn't do random sex anymore and tries to get to know his partner first before hooking up. That sounds like a safe practice to me.

We talked since last Tuesday. I mentioned to him about me trying to get a hook up, and yesterday (Wed), he suggested doing it with him,so I accepted. I asked him when,and he said he's not into it yet. Today I just got invited (like an hour ago) for a quick session of BJ and fingering in the ass (which I'm not really into it,but I think I could handle a finger,LOL).

What's putting me off are 3 things. Firstly,he doesn't have a place,he's still living with his family despite he's already 25 and working (trust me,that's sooo common in here),so he suggested to do it in a public toilet. Secondly,he doesn't kiss,cause he had tried it before and found it weird. Thirdly,I accidentally bit my cheek this afternoon,so I have a cut in my mouth,and suddenly the thought of STD is scaring me again.

To be honest,I was already about to give up this morning in hooking up,well cause of my current physique which is hard to score people,and I need to start focusing on exam,like seriously it's starting this Saturday for god sake! So his timing was also kind of off already. Then I think about having my first time in a toilet,wow,the thought is NOT appealing at all,despite I find it hot for people to hook up there. To add on,without any kissing? I think this is not gonna be as fun as I thought. I'm still giving it a thought,but I'm inclining to abstain a bit longer for 2 months,with the exam week and fasting month coming.

To sum it up,I AM into this guy,and I don't mind doing it with him, and of course this is turning into FWB deal, but I think I might be not ready yet after all if I'm having this second thought. I told him I might be bailing out,and he's okay with it,and even if he isn't okay with it,I won't do anything that I don't want to do,so it is not a matter of being pressured at all. So,any thoughts on this situation?

Also,I would like to hear how was your first time in any kind of sex (mutual masturbation,oral,anal,etc) and if there was any regret or not,and why did you do it at that time. Of course,only if you're comfortable with sharing your story. Thank you.

[Edward]

In my first time I did oral and anal, I don't consider masturbation to be sex at all, because I could as well do it without partner.

All in all it was quite ok. It wasn't extremely good and it wasn't so bad I wouldn't want to do it again. Oral was ok, my partner obviously knew what he was doing, but I thought I was incredibly bad when I gave it back to him, although he said I was good. Anal hurt a bit at first and I didn't really feel much pleasure from it ( I was bottom). I don't regret it, because I was ready and I trusted the guy. He wasn't my boyfriend, be we had quite good relationships and so I chose him to be my first.

Anyway, about your situation - it sounds to me that you're not ready for sex. There's a difference between "I don't mind to do it" and "I want to do it". Don't do anything you're not comfortable with ( the thing about fingering) And the part about doing in the the toilet..... that's just plain disgusting. I believe you respect yourself more to let someone bang you in some dirty toilet. I'd say run from this guy and find yourself someone who'll care about what you want and how would you feel comfortable.

[AlfredM]

Anyway, about your situation - it sounds to me that you're not ready for sex. There's a difference between "I don't mind to do it" and "I want to do it". Don't do anything you're not comfortable with ( the thing about fingering) And the part about doing in the the toilet..... that's just plain disgusting. I believe you respect yourself more to let someone bang you in some dirty toilet. I'd say run from this guy and find yourself someone who'll care about what you want and how would you feel comfortable.

Yeah,I think I'm not comfortable at all with the idea of fingering. Well,if it's a toilet as good as the one in hotels,I could consider it,but yeah,the idea of doing it there is really putting me off. He is still very considerate actually,I believe I could talk him out of fingering me for the first time,but to rent a room for a quick HJ BJ session,it might not be too appealing,after all toilet is free of charge,LOL.

I have to add though,sex without kissing in the beginning and cuddling/snuggling/spooning at the end feels like an essay without introduction and conclusion to me. It's gonna be hard to find someone with the same interest as everybody is just looking for a quicky.

[LJay]

Hooking up in a toilet area cold lead to arrest? Not cool.

You can use condoms for blow jobs, too. I would consider this for a guy you don't really know that well. For that matter, there are rubber gloves for fingering.

Frankly,I would pass on this one and hold out for a bit more stable encounter.

[HumbleTangerine]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to lose your virginity, but you really seem like you're rushing into things without caring that much where, how and with whom you do it? I think it's safe to say that most people would regret losing their virginity in a public bathroom, and along with the no-kissing philosophy that obviously bothers you, I don't really see why you'd go through with this.

I had my first sexual encounter in my late 17's or early 18's (can't really remember), which I think is a pretty reasonable age even if the majority in my country tend to lose it around 14-16. It didn't work out that well in the end, but it's nothing I regret or anything.

My impression is simply that you're diving into this for all the wrong reasons. You want to lose your virginity, which is fine, but you seem to have really minimal demands on the guy you do it with, which could cause problems later on; regret in particular. You also seem to imply that you ought to take the opportunity with your "physique" in mind, which sounds like a really unhealthy mindset to me. Learn to get comfortable with yourself and learn to get comfortable enough with your virginity so you won't throw it away whenever you can. The prospect of having a "magical" first-time is pretty much an empty illusion, but that doesn't mean you have to become some kind of sexual opportunist who'll lower his standards severely to get laid. This would be my advice I guess

[bluefox4000]

I gave and received a blowjob. when I was 13.

Mick

[AlfredM]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to lose your virginity, but you really seem like you're rushing into things without caring that much where, how and with whom you do it? I think it's safe to say that most people would regret losing their virginity in a public bathroom, and along with the no-kissing philosophy that obviously bothers you, I don't really see why you'd go through with this.

I had my first sexual encounter in my late 17's or early 18's (can't really remember), which I think is a pretty reasonable age even if the majority in my country tend to lose it around 14-16. It didn't work out that well in the end, but it's nothing I regret or anything.

My impression is simply that you're diving into this for all the wrong reasons. You want to lose your virginity, which is fine, but you seem to have really minimal demands on the guy you do it with, which could cause problems later on; regret in particular. You also seem to imply that you ought to take the opportunity with your "physique" in mind, which sounds like a really unhealthy mindset to me. Learn to get comfortable with yourself and learn to get comfortable enough with your virginity so you won't throw it away whenever you can. The prospect of having a "magical" first-time is pretty much an empty illusion, but that doesn't mean you have to become some kind of sexual opportunist who'll lower his standards severely to get laid. This would be my advice I guess

I'm not going through with it. This experience has taught me that I need more than just the 'act'. I suppose I did lower my demand in term of whom I do it with,but as for how and where,I didn't. I'm just being realistic about my physique btw,it is hard to find chubby chaser or people who don't mind it on online dating sites. Every now and then I got some guy who's interested in me,but I'm not,so I didn't follow through with them. It is true though,I'm still not comfortable with myself,even when I did lose 12kg already,but it is still not enough. I'm gonna continue working on that. Thanks for your advice.

[Borg69]

I'm glad you decided to wait. Not that I'm so Mary Poppins that I think you should entirely wait for that ONE special Mr. Right - husband, but neither do I think you should just plunk it out there to anyone willing to do it with you in a public bathroom that you have no feelings for.

Be patient... that right guy will come along that's somewhere between Mr. Right and Mr. BecauseHeSaidYesAndIwasHorny.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I told him I might be bailing out,and he's okay with it,and even if he isn't okay with it,I won't do anything that I don't want to do,so it is not a matter of being pressured at all. So,any thoughts on this situation?

Also,I would like to hear how was your first time in any kind of sex (mutual masturbation,oral,anal,etc) and if there was any regret or not,and why did you do it at that time. Of course,only if you're comfortable with sharing your story. Thank you.

I think as long as you follow what feels right for you that you'll be alright man. I wouldn't let fear dictate your life, but at the same time? If it's not fear holding you back but an honest feeling that maybe you're not ready? There's nothing at all wrong with that.

My first time was in an alley with a guy that I'm guessing was somewhere in his 20's. I'm not really positive because I never even got his name. I was 14 and we performed oral on each other. It was... confusing, mostly because the dude wouldn't let me blow for what felt like forever.

All in all, looking back, it was an experience I don't regret. He gave a decent amount of instruction, had a decent amount of talent, and it was a definite learning experience.

That said... at the time? Yeah. I had regrets. I felt awkward after and a bit ashamed.

Why then? Because I was curious. Because I knew what I wanted. Because the opportunity presented itself.

[Uneunsae]

My first time was terrible. It was with a guy some friends set me up with. Had I not been depressed at the time, it's something I never would have done. It was with some trashy guy to whom I normally would never give the time of day. It makes me feel gross just thinking about it. But I've never done anything like it since! Luckily, depression didn't make me dumb enough to have unsafe sex.