Differences

[marco5a]

Hiya,

I'm knew here so not really sure what to expect lol but here goes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 months now. 12 of those months have been long-distance. I love him, but being away from him for long periods of time make me question certain things about out relationship. Things that I tend to overlook when we're together become glaringly obvious. Those things make me question if I'm making the right decision.

The latest being my pets. I'm an animal lover, always have been and it's a crucial part of who I am (I'm studying for a Masters in Marine Biology and have a B.S. in Animal Science lol). He very much is not a animal lover, in fact he hates dogs. I have a dog that I love dearly, that he never supports me with and that I know he only tolerates because of me.

Lately I've been considering getting another dog and when I told him he said he would break up with me if I did. I know love is about compromise and all that, but to be rejected about something that is so fundamental to who I am, hurts and makes me question our relationship. Am I being unfair and irrational? Should I have to compromise a part of who I am for the sake of the relationship?

[meninlove]

"Lately I've been considering getting another dog and when I told him he said he would break up with me if I did."
..his reason why is because.....? Ask him why.

[meninlove]

I take it you're saying that over 13 months you've only managed to spend 30 days or so together. Is that right?

[Uneunsae]

It just depends on how much dogs are a part of your life. For example, I usually date men who are traditional or have cultures similar to my own as it's a big part of my life.

[marco5a]

Hi! We saw each other almost everyday for the first 2 months of the relationship, then he moved away. We usually make a point to meet up in person once a month, but for the last 2 1/2 months we haven't seen each other.

I'll ask him why, but from thing's he's said in the past I'm sure it all comes down to his dislike for dogs.

[meninlove]

Hi! We saw each other almost everyday for the first 2 months of the relationship, then he moved away. We usually make a point to meet up in person once a month, but for the last 2 1/2 months we haven't seen each other.

I'll ask him why, but from thing's he's said in the past I'm sure it all comes down to his dislike for dogs.

Then be sure by asking him. Your dog has gotten you through times of a lot of loneliness doing without this man, I think. Another will give the first one company when you're not home.

If Bill truly loves something or someone, I support him and learn why he loves what he loves. It's what love does.

warmly, -Doug of meninlove

[TwisttheLeaf]

Lately I've been considering getting another dog and when I told him he said he would break up with me if I did. I know love is about compromise and all that, but to be rejected about something that is so fundamental to who I am, hurts and makes me question our relationship. Am I being unfair and irrational? Should I have to compromise a part of who I am for the sake of the relationship?

I don't react well to ultimatums. In fact? I don't know -anyone- who does. What's his next demand going to be? "Get rid of your beloved pet, or I'm breaking up with you?"

It sure as hell doesn't sound like love to me if he's willing to toss you so easily at the prospect of a -dog- that you're not even asking him to take care of or responsibility for.

And no. Compromising a part of who you are? That should not be a part of love. Behavior, sometimes. But a --part of who you are-- ? No. Not IMO.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sounds to me you already have a dog which he tolerates. Now you are demanding a guy who doesn't like dogs to tolerate two?

Who is compromising here?

Now don't get me wrong, I personally love dogs and can't have enough of them in my life... however I can see this from his side here and he has gone the extra mile to accept Wolfie, or Rover or whatever your dog's name is. That is magnanimous of him.

Just as much as you don't want to give up your dog, he doesn't want a dog in his life. Yet, for your sake, knowing you already have this relationship with your dog, he has accepted this package deal.

Now you want to go and foist another dog on him.

He already made a compromise here, now you are just getting greedy.

[Virge]

ugh....

I had to get up and walk away for a few minutes when I read everything written so far. If my BF ever said something like that I'd help him pack and not think twice about it. Lucky for me my guy has made a great transition from being a city dweller without ever having had a pet to my dogs' and cats' 2nd favorite human. I have two permanent resident dogs and take in some from the shelter to rehab, socialize and teach obedience for new homes. So I have 3 newbies that came Thursday.

Unless your pets are messy, smelly or unsocial I can't imagine anyone having a complaint about them. Anyone who complains about about well trained and maintained animals has a problem that's not about the animals themselves.


*Proud companion to 2 mixed labs, 2 Mains Coon cats, two horses, and a crow who comes around when the weather is bad or he's hungry for human food.... plus a daily yard full of visiting deer who are so used to my dogs they play together.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Being in a relationship is always going to be about both parties making compromises. That's just the nature of relationships, LGBT ones or not.

As for your assumption that he's staying away because of the dog(s) I think something else is going on here and he's using it as an excuse to stay away. I know some people can manage LDR's successfully, but you have moved into one very quickly, and I'm sorry to say, I really don't get why your even calling it a relationship.

For him to have immediately thrown down the ultimatum only reinforces my thought that he's playing you, and making the classic cheaters move of making any breakup your fault.

Personally, I'd kick him into touch and find another local animal lover

Good luck,
ObW
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