Sexual Differences

[wclark03]

So I should probably go to a shrink for alot of this but I really need some public input.

I am a very sexual person when it comes to being in a relationship.
I find sex to be a wonderful bond between two people.
I am not big on anal sex and I usually prefer frotting, mutual j/o, etc.
Now my boyfriend can only come when jerking off or topping.
He is also one of the least sexual bf Ive ever had. It drives me nuts.
But I love him to death and I will go 10+ days without sex.

At this point I am going crazy because its been well over 10 days and I am horny as fuck and all I want is to be with him. And all he wants is his alone time which I can very well respect. My problem is that I try my best to give him several hours if not an entire day to be alone and do whatever.

I just dont know what to do to keep my sex drive at bay because it seems like I am going out of my mind with sexual depravation.
Any ideas?

[LateBloomer]

Ok, dumb question right off the bat, but I think this is where to start...

Have you TALKED to him about this? What did he say? If you haven't talked to him about it, you NEED TO.

Maybe you guys can negotiate a happy medium.



Sorry for the late response.

[Story]

Yeah talk to him about this, there's no compromise apparently between you two. See what he says and usually you can tell where to go from there

[pellaz]

... I am not big on anal sex and I usually prefer fronting, mutual j/o, etc. Now my boyfriend can only come when jerking off or topping ...

Try to make the experience super easy for him and the best sex he has had in his life. You may need to be the bottom more often than you like. See if you can top him, something new. Its not a porn video so perfection not necessary. Never wear anything in bed. Take 15-20 minutes and massage, maybe oil too, his whole body till he is soooo relaxed, get him used to your touch. just give w/o reciprocation for a while. Have everything ready and close by. Take a shower before bed.

... He is also one of the least sexual bf Ive ever had. I love him to death and I will go 10+ days without sex.

Again talk to him on the issue. A possible reason is we are forced to suppress who we are for so long its easy to become asexual. Can i say both of you are not jonsing to try new stuff?
be patient, understanding. It will take a long time for new habits to set in.

So I should probably go to a shrink for a lot of this

Couples counseling can help. Start small, watch some stuff on youtube (Davey Wavey like), look for an inexpensive group session. I feel un comfortable doing this with straight couples. Look for a couples counselor that specializes with the gays.

[zeon]

hel;lo,
Why not talk to him about your sex drive and explain to him that men in their early 20's are at their prime on sexual tension.. Furthermore I would recommend six days out of seven you just masturbate in the bed next to him and say look this is what your intitled to and make the bed rock.. After some time your get a reaction I got which is usually

FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS NOT A WATER BED SO WHY VIBRATE IT LIKE ONE?

This is your key to say well relieve me and the bed wont vibrate... Peoples sex drive is different in everyone and some people dont have one at all.. On ave3rage how often do you get sex.... Ask your boyfriend if there is anything he would like to try to increasew his sexual drive

[princealbertofb]

Failures to address sexual issues in a couple are a recipe for disaster. It's best to talk about these things and each other's needs. It would be good too, if your boyfriend realised that gay sex is also about intimacy with your partner's body, it's not just another form of masturbation.

[wclark03]

Yes we have talked about it. A lot to be honest.
He wants it to just happen. But we never go to bed regularly or just lay down until were completely exausted and just lie down and pass out.
I've told him I'm completely willing to bottom for him because all I care about is his pleasure. He's afraid to though because atm I have an internal hemmaroid.
I mean the only comprise I've come up with is to just shit up and stop thinking about it.

I saw someone said hat it could be asexuality, but I know its not that because he will take a break in the bathroom once in awhile to j/o to porn. I've told him to come hewn me whenever he wants to j/o but he says it feels best when he j/o or tops.

[wclark03]

Also I would loke to note that its been made clear that I find sex between to monogamous people to be aomewhqt of a spiritual bond for lack of a better phrase.
To him it seems sex is just a means of getting off. To me it is a very special bonding moment.

[iPromise]

LOL @ Zeon I absolutely love your comment, I can imagine that in my head and just picture how cute that situation is.

And I don't think you need to see a psychologist because of that, you two can work it out, maybe if you do decided to go see a psychologist you both can go together!

Also therapy is good for everyone and anyone! shrink ... ?

[wclark03]

I'm not sure if the last post made it or not but I may be repeating a post. I apologize.

It's not an asexual thing. hell masturbate to porn because to him masturbating and topping is the only way for him to reach maximum pleasure. I've even asked to come get me when he gets the urge.

I am all about making sure that he is fully pleasured. He says that he just wants it to happen. But neither of us have a normal sleep schedule. We never just get a chance to lay down together.
I told him he can top but he's afraid to understandably because I have an internal hemmaroid.

I'm all about pleasuring him. Usually when we do do it, I just jerk him off because its what je says feels best.

I honestly think it has everyhing to do with his view of sex as just a way to get off. While I feel that it is a much more meaningful almost spiritual bond between two people.