Differences

[Adam]

My BF and I have both compromised and made huge adjustments for one another. BUT there are certain things that are off limits. things that involve who we are. For example, he works in law enforcement and there are aspects of his job that I hate and that terrify me still --- but it's what he loves, it's who he is, and I deal with it.
Similar to your situation, he had never had a pet and when we decided to live together 5 years ago, I came with a cat I'd had for 12 years.. I won't say he was thrilled, but he accepted us as a package deal. When she died I was heartbroken, but thinking that maybe it would be best not to replace her, since I figured he would probably be happier that way. But I guess he saw how much I missed having a pet --- he went to a shelter, adopted a cat, and when he brought her home made some goofy remark about how he had been going to buy me a BMW to cheer me up, but a cat was cheaper...

And I'm not saying your BF is a bad person or anything - but if he can't accept a fundamental part of who you are, then maybe the two of you aren't suited to one another.

[CellarDweller]

One thing we don't know is how well behaved is your dog?

I have certain rules regarding animals, and I'm an animal lover, grew up with pets my whole life. However, as I said before, there are rules.

No more than two pets at a time, and since I'm a cat person, one will be a cat. I have allergies, and can not tolerate more than two animals, any more and I'll be sick all the time.

Because of the allergies, the bedroom is off limits to any animal, or I won't be able to sleep.

They will be house-broken. I'm not cleaning up accidents.

They will be taken to groomers regularly, I'm not dealing with smelly or shedding animals.

They'll be properly trained.....no clawing, no biting, no humping legs, no jumping up on people who enter the home to visit.

We will only have animals if space allows. If we can't afford a bigger place, and are in a small apartment, it's not fair to the animals to cramp them in with us.

[marco5a]

Thanks for all the great replies.

Seems like the consensus is that he is in the wrong. I really don't think he's cheating, he's too honest of a person for that. He is an amazing guy, and I really feel if I press him on the matter he would reluctantly accept it, if not I think it's better to know where we stand now before we live together and really start building a life with each other.

My dog is very well behaved. Everyone who likes dogs comments on how sweet she is. She really is easy to care for and doesn't give me any real issues. I'm not sure if I even want the hassle of a second dog to be honest lol But I really need to know that he will love and support me should I decide to get one or even if I decided I wanted to breed chinchillas lol

[matty7]

I' am an animal lover with many dogs etc - simple answer ///move on, unless he suddenly changes his hatred for pets (never happen) then find someone else - for me, if your an animal lover then it doesn't change ...shame .. never been so blunt in my life I think

[Ryocchi]

I'm picky, when I like some I overanalyze him from head to toe, putting it up together with the distance I would end up concluding that it may be better this way and to break up, I do like pets, but I can live with or without them, but let's say he doesn't like kids and he doesn't like me spending so much time with my nieces and nephews it would be a no brainer.

Analyze how much can you compromise, and put it all together because from what I see, your pets helps you cup with the distance and loneliness, I know it probably wasn't his idea to move so far away, but let's face it, two months and a half and you haven't seen each other, another dog wouldn't affect him unless you two have plans of moving together? and by moving together i'm talking about within a year from now, not someday on the distant future.

You need to sit down with him and talk because if animals and pets are such an important thing for you and he hates them, in the cas that you move together the fights that will ensue about this topic will end up splitting you up faster than it took to move in.

[Borg69]

My only ultimatums in a relationship is no cheating, no lying, no stealing, no abuse... everything else is negotiable. He knew you had animals going into it. If he'd have tried that with me I'd have said, "See ya!" just on general principle, and because I feel adopted animals are family you don't just throw away on a whim. Your pets will give you more UNCONDITIONAL love than he ever will. Side with the pets.

[50Plus]

Where do the pets rank in your life?

I am my own #1 priority, which means my mental and physical health come first. My five critters are # 2 - 6 in priority (don't ask me to rank which is #1, because the yappy parrot will hear / read and tell everyone else and then I have drama in the house. And I hate drama.).


You need a chat with the BF. Ultimatums should be included in such a chat.

[supasyd]

OK, first things first in a relationship you should try to understand each other's feelings. Get to know his reasons why he doesn't like dogs. Did he have a bad experience? If you can get to the bottom of his anxiety about dogs then you will both reach a new level of understanding and half the battle is won, instead of both of you saying the same thing over and over again and not getting anywhere.