Don't know how to figure this out

[rroepcke]

Thanks for your responses guys! Memechose - I'm not expecting it to be a bed of roses or a walk in the park. It certainly hasn't been so far. When I met him I was a lot different than I am now. I was severely underweight, very shy and kind of believed that I was repulsive, I was also nursing a fairly bad drug habit. The day I met him I kicked the habit, and since have been working extremely hard on myself. I've gone from 48kg (We use metric in Australia, no idea how many lbs that is) to 73kg and muscular. I have essentially turned my life around for myself but he was the catalyst that made me do it. (I of course have never told him this. not even about the drugs...I am prepared to one day but for now I haven't).

Your story is like mine, except mine is condensed into three months. The first two months of having met him was him acting like a yo-yo, wanting me one second and then acting indifferent the next. He kept telling me he liked me but wanted to be friends I of course acted COOL with this, even though I really wasn't. We even ended up going out to a gay club where I had to see him make out with different guys (extremely painful) then he invited me to a birthday party of one of his gay friends (he almost lives a complete double life, keeping his straight and gay life completely separate) but he didn't tell me he was meeting a date there. The whole night I had to third wheel with him and this extremely coked up dude. He of course didn't notice at the time and who did he come running to when he worked it out? Me.

After that I got into the mindset that I no longer cared - if he didn't want me so be it. Then all of a sudden he did want me. He would call me incredible, tell me my body was amazing, text me numerous times and if I didn't reply he would keep on sending messages. After that is when he decided he wanted to be 'more than friends'

the past two weeks have been pretty good. He was honest and open and talking about the future which to me is a great thing. I decided to give in and let myself really feel the things I was feeling and to treat him as he was treating me, (refer to above paragraphs) Then it's like a door closes and a light goes out and I'm sitting there wondering whether I've done something to aggravate him. I'm not afraid of giving more than taking. I just want a little bit of happiness to go along with the anguish that I'm feeling.

That's the reason why I struck up the conversation - I wanted to know what he wants. I don't want to waste my life chasing someone who is emotionally unavailable. I'm a pretty good catch and since turning my life around have had numerous offers (which is totally surprising) from guys who are really really interested (one or two I've had a little pang of feeling for but generally the feelings weren't returned) I'd rather 'trim the fat' now and cut it off and get on with the healing process (because I really do like him) than stick with something that probably won't work and will just end in heart ache and sadness. Though I would really like it to work out with us because so far he has been a great influence on me and I feel like I could one day really love him. I don't know. It's just all so confusing.

[Virge]

I understand completely rroe. I bet if I hadn't spilt my guts as I did you'd have gotten nothing from my first comments. Now I'm glad I did what I did. If you really feel that fire inside yourself about him and can deal with the stress of being the COOL one, the stable rock he can always depend on I'll do anything and everything I can to help you out. If it doesn't work out, don't let the gloom and bitterness set in because you can be proud that you gave it all you had to give, and you can walk away knowing you can do it again if you need to (I'm imagining it would have to be a bit easier on the nerves the 2nd time but I hope I never have to find out.)

And from a different angle --- you giving this guy all the chances you can --- and putting other guys on hold is going to buy you respect from people, his friends and yours. Let's face it, most guys run off and find a quick fuck to get over something and no one bats an eye. The fact that you aren't is going to catch people's attention and let them know you're a damned good catch with a heart.


48kg to 73kg = 105lb to 160lb. DAYAM BOY!! I'm going to take a wild guess your height is around 1.66m to survive at 48kg for any length of time. That's a 50% increase in Body Mass! Impressive! I wish I could do that well. I've been out of the gym since late May when I effed up my hand bad and had to have surgery on it so I'm back to being a lanky 85kg ectomorph again. But I'm keeping abs cut down to my nuts...LOL!

Buddy you did the right thing about drugs. There's no upside to them. They take more out of life than they put into it. Be proud of that.

One last thing to say.... about these words you said,
"I'd rather 'trim the fat' now and cut it off and get on with the healing process (because I really do like him) than stick with something that probably won't work and will just end in heart ache and sadness."

I'm not sure how to say this without it sounding 'rough.'
You're cutting off your own feet thinking that way. Are you going into it to give it all you've got or are you going to go into it until things get rough? Either way you do it, if things turn out bad the heartache and sadness are the same so why not fuck having a Plan B exit strategy altogether? If you think in terms of having a plan B you're already making plan A a cripple.

Food for thought.

[rroepcke]

I'd never see another guy while we're together. I'm kind of old-fashioned I guess (from most of the other gay guys I know around my age) and I'm strictly a one guy type of guy. I like commitment and don't want any type of sex outside of a relationship. Before I started seeing this guy I hadn't had sex for almost four years -don't get me wrong I love it- but to me the idea of free and easy sex is a little repulsive (I don't judge though, different strokes for different folks and all that) and sex without feeling or respect is (to me at least) a little sad.

Dayam boy is right - though you're wrong about my height, I'm 183cm tall. Though I'm not massively built- I'm quite slim though I've got a good pair of shoulders. It's taken five full meals a day and working out 6 days a week for me to do it, I'm starting to taper off and maintain now but I am still quite proud of myself for getting this far.

Your last paragraph wasn't rough at all - it's a good way to think of things but I'm quite sure he's thinking in terms of 'Plan B' as well. I think one day in the future when we're both feeling a little more relaxed I'll try to bring up that concept with him, maybe in a different context so he doesn't feel the pressure. This really is all so new to me so I guess I've got to experience it and learn - I just hope it works out!

[sdguy]

Wow! Such great advice from everyone, I don't think there's anything left to say! Definitely listen to them! I know I'm going to with my current situation!