Are some people meant to be alone?

[meninlove]

I would like to add another question. How to know whether the other person is interested in having a conversation with you?

Trust me, they'll let you know.

[Bluelight]

Doesn't matter what you look like, you could be a model and be destined to be alone.

[Iceblink]

There are some people in this world who have been through a terrible relationship and have decided they do not want to be in one again. There are people who have lost a partner and have decided they would rather spend the rest of their life alone. There are some people who just have a personality where they are not interested in being in a serious relationship. These people, who have made that choice to be alone, they are the ones meant to be alone. A person's appearance, that is not a valid reason that someone is meant to be alone.



Remember, when it comes to appearance, we are usually our own worst critic.

[matty7]

damn you are so down on yourself mate - I don't think this is an alone thread , but your body dysmorphic disorder.......I don't now how to make u feel better about yourself but reliving the past is not gonna help you at all - you left school a long time ago, leave that horrible experience behind you mate, don't judge yourself by the past

[TwisttheLeaf]

You need to start working on improving your personal self image. Many people are like you and believe that -others- dictate how you look and your confidence in your looks. The fact is, it's -you- who dictates this. Just as it's -you- who dictates how approachable (and interesting) you are to others.

I will give you an example.

I have a number of surgical scars on my body, and have since I was 17. This includes on the spine, shoulder, elbow, hip, wrist, ankle and ribcage (all on the right side of my body other than the one on the spine).

And yet, even with these scars (many of them often visible for others to see on a daily basis), I managed to have an active social life and got laid more than I probably had a right to by both sexes.

Then, a couple of years ago, I was attacked in my home and acquired (what I consider to be) a rather gristly looking scar across my cheek. Suddenly, I became a recluse. I had always had a pretty face (yes, pretty, not handsome) and didn't realize how much I depended on it for my everyday life and social intneraction until it was damaged.

My social life crashed. People didn't call anymore or come over. I lost.. well, most of my 'friends', actually and foud it extremely difficult to meet others.

I've learned in the past few months, though, that these social issues? This difficulty in meeting people? It's not the scar driving them away. It was ME. My attitude towards how I looked, and my embarrassment, shame and lack of confidence. Since realizing this and working to accept my 'new face' as it is, things have slowly been improving. Do I feel pretty or handsome? Not really, but I know inside it's not as bad as it looks to me when I look in the mirror.

You need to come to the realization that YOU are what's holding you back. Stop worrying so much about your looks. I've met some fucking ASS ugly people who, after getting to know them, suddenly became handsome in my eyes. I'm not the only one, either. Looks aren't everything. Yes, they can open doors like a skeleton key in multiple locks, but so can having the confidence to pull off what nature and genetics have naturally given you to work with.

[saif1232]

You are clearly not happy by your appearance, and if you aren't how can you expect other people to be? You need to either get comfortable with your looks and come to terms with accepting it, OR you can experiment n change some things as said on previous comments. And also, how many times do I see people whom I dont find attractive AT ALL have a lover, relationships arent entirely based on looks, and what you might find ugly, other people might find attractive, just as long as you are happy with your body, you are more likely to find someone who likes it. And you say your lonely and 30 yet never been on a relationship? Have you tried dating sites? I mean its understandable that you've tried in real life, however, you are less likely to find a gay person in a crowd rather than a gay dating site. Okay, done rambling hope I was useful

[50Plus]

Anon - I feel your pain. Your pain is a former friend of mine. One that provided me a lot of comfort, excuses and judgement when I needed it.

But I left that friend behind. Somewhere along the line I had enough of the self pity and the negativity and stepped out. I met a new friend, I met a better friend. I met my best friend ever. I met myself.

It was a life altering event. And wow, did it feel good. And you know something, I am still alone. But I am never lonely. That is the one thing that did change - I seldom feel lonely.

I do not date. I do not have more than 1 or 2 friends. But I have the best life going.

Will I meet someone and fall in love? I am not planning for it, nor am I opposed to it. If it happens then it adds to my life. Not meeting someone will not take away from my life.

So good on you for reaching out here. Its the first step in a journey of a single soul - yours. If you want company along the way, all you have to do is ask.

And one word of advice. Pay no attention to the harsh macho boy talk about sucking it up. They have no idea what you are going through.

[Uneunsae]

^ I relate to this.

I have PTSD from a ton of terrible abuse. I experienced more by the age of 5 than most people do in a lifetime an it still continues to this day. As a result, one of the issues I deal with is Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It's not as bad as it used to be and I'll tell you how.

Firstly, and this is the most difficult part of all, is that you have to stop reinforcing it. It's a compulsion. BDD is an OCD about your body. You MUST REMEMBER that your brain is playing tricks on you. You aren't seeing what's really there. You're not seeing what everyone else sees. You can't trust it. So when you feel like you must "check yourself" or "fix yourself" you must stop it. I still spend a considerable amount of time getting ready to go somewhere but not near as much as I used to.

When I stopped listening to my messed up brain, I started to get glimpses of my real self every now and then and I liked what I saw. Or rather, I was okay with it.

And I also decided that, if I really am strange looking, it's everyone's choice whether they want to like me or not. My heart more than makes up for any terrible appearance I might have. I'm a good person and I know this.

But years of trauma has left me at odds with everyone in the world and this is the issue I will deal with probably for life. But I'm still not "meant to be alone". I had a very deep and meaningful relationship with someone who has been through his own trauma. We feel different than everyone else on a very fundamental level, but with each other, we were so alike and close. We just "got" each other and didn't have to explain ourselves to one another. It was amazing.

So, what I've learned is no matter who you are, there is probably at least one other person you'll be able to connect with.