Gay without the sex...

[daddyrose]

Hi...

As I stated in my introduction, being a single Father of 8 Daughters, that I have been raising alone all of their lives because of their non-custodial mother's mental illness and addictions.

So to make a really long story short in the beginning here, my gay friends insist that "you are so totally gay without the sex!"

My question is... If "gay without the sex" truly does exist, why isn't the lifestyle and behaviors that I display leading to this conclusion, a cornerstone in the education of heterosexuals on how and why gays identify themselves as such?

I mean, I know my sexual preference is towards women, but at the same time, I wholeheartedly agree with them in their observation. And I actually enjoy the lifestyle and behavior of myself and gay friends, and still feel that it is OK to be attracted to women.

I guess through the babbling here, I am trying to find out if others here can relate to the sexual part of their lives playing no part in being gay or straight..? Could it be that sex and sexual attraction could have everything to do with being straight or gay, or having nothing to do with being straight or gay?

One friend even says... "Dude, you are so heterosexually gay, that you are your own hag!"

Why is it that I feel that gay males seem to understand the true characteristics of the male gender, and that they seem to understand my situation as a single Father with Daughters, better than my straight male so called "peers"?

Is there a difference between " homosexual" and "gay"?

[Virge]

To some "older gays" (I mean 60+) gay is a lifestyle and homosexuality is an attraction to same sex.

They call me a homosexual and mean it in a nice way cuz I don't fit in most of the gay lifestyle and I'm happy with that. Beyond wanting to marry my guy and adopt kids down the road a few years... I'm a South Dakota red neck... with all sorts of red neck toys, flannel shirts, more boots than any 20 gay guys and not a single lady gaga album.

[Adam]

To some "older gays" (I mean 60+) gay is a lifestyle and homosexuality is an attraction to same sex.

They call me a homosexual and mean it in a nice way cuz I don't fit in most of the gay lifestyle and I'm happy with that. Beyond wanting to marry my guy and adopt kids down the road a few years... I'm a South Dakota red neck... with all sorts of red neck toys, flannel shirts, more boots than any 20 gay guys and not a single lady gaga album.

Totally agree. My partner and I aren't involved in any type of "gay lifestyle" - probably 75% of our friends are straight - and yeah, we're getting married next month (and already got the kid lol) - but that's about it. He in particular works in what's considered a very "macho" (and predominately straight) profession --- so yeah, I get what you mean and yes, I think it's quite possible and not too unusual.

[Virge]

Totally agree. My partner and I aren't involved in any type of "gay lifestyle" - probably 75% of our friends are straight - and yeah, we're getting married next month (and already got the kid lol) - but that's about it. He in particular works in what's considered a very "macho" (and predominately straight) profession --- so yeah, I get what you mean and yes, I think it's quite possible and not too unusual.

I'd just about sell a testicle to be able to have a few rug rats...so I really envy you...I know you want to try to bitch about it...BUT i know deep down you have to be loving it.... so where's the thread??? Everyone on here would love reading it! My folks and Jay's can't talk to us 30 minutes without bringing up kids and adoption. We're saying maybe 6 or 8 years...and they keep acting like they'll be dead by then...LOL.

[Cuddly]

We are just as diverse as everybody else... There's no such thing as "gay acting" or "straight acting".

[Wolfpack]

What Cuddly has stated is entirely true.

[MikeW]

I'm one of those 60+ gay men memechose is referring to. I grew up in a time when homosexuality was socially taboo (much more common and available than most straight people thought, especially where I grew up in the rural midwest), hidden, secretive, shameful, immoral, a perversion, illegal in many places and regarded by the APA as a mental illness. The word "gay" didn't have a sexual connotation for most people. We were faggots, cock suckers, perverts and worse.

From the 60s into the 70s the US went through massive social unrest, mostly fueled by the Civil Rights and the anti-Vietnam war movements. But "Civil RIghts" wasn't just a racial issue, it dove tailed with and morphed into what we now call "Human Rights" and issues of "equality under the law". Homosexuality was removed from the DSM, declassifying it as a mental disorder in 1973. By this time I was already a quarter century old. The word "gay" (which had been used along with many other words to reference fellow homosexuals) in some urban areas began to emerge as the "accepted" term of reference. "Homosexual," at the time, was thought too laden with psychiatric associations and "gay" emerged as a more neutral, indeed positive, term. Personally, I objected to it because to my mind the word "gay" was associated with the frivolous, more easily discounted (politically and socially) something to not be taken seriously. I saw it as validating (almost ironically) many of the prevalent stereotypes regarding men who are sexually and romantically attracted to other men (whatever you want to call that).

So, yeah, even as a man who identified as a homosexual, "gay" seemed to me to be more of a lifestyle, a choice, where homosexuality was not. I could "choose" to adapt myself to any number of emergent 'gay' types: Clone, queen, bear, leather, etc. To me these were like 'costumes' one could put on or take off but clearly not everyone felt that way. I was more interested in finding out who *I* was and "being myself" than trying to 'fit in' with any particular sub-genre social identity.

A lot changed after the HIV crisis of the 1980s, too. It was in the news, controversial, frightening, and became a focus of activism through such groups as Act-Up. Much of the social climate within the (now self identified) gay community shifted dramatically and suddenly and not willfully but out of necessity. The age of "free love" as it had been was over; having unprotected sex became a life threatening potential. From a different perspective, though, homosexuality was now completely out of the social closet where it had been hidden for hundreds of years. Out gay men and women were challenging laws, demanding social equality.

The advent of the internet has also made a remarkable difference. Prior to this, information and awareness was either controlled by corporate owned news agencies or subverted through 'underground' publications. The internet has allowed us to find one another in forums such as this and to speak with one another more directly, even internationally. For young people growing up today I think this is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that we know we're not alone. Anyone of any age who wants to find out more about gay sex can do so from almost anywhere. A curse in that many have become increasingly alienated, finding it difficult to connect (beyond cyber sex and hookups) in the real world.

[Virge]

We are just as diverse as everybody else... There's no such thing as "gay acting" or "straight acting".

Thanks Cuddly! You said it!!! and you are 1000% correct!!!

Now how many people are sick and tired of straight people being unable to wrap their brains around the fact that not all gay guys are the types you see on sit coms?

[MikeW]

Now how many people are sick and tired of straight people being unable to wrap their brains around the fact that not all gay guys are the types you see on sit coms?

I've been tired of it forever. It isn't just 'superficial' gay guys on sitcoms, either. Lots of villains are given 'gay' characteristics.

[Virge]

Hey Mike!!!!!!!!

I'm feeling like a thread whore...(and acting it) Why don't you start one about alternative names for gays/homosexuals???? I really don't like "gay" and wish there was something better.... plus "gay" has become so danged worn out.

GEEEZ just read your post above and it's like we're reading each others minds