07-01-2014, 05:18 PM
First off, I haven't really dated much at all in my life. I didn't really have any relationships until my 30s and I fell in love with a guy at 36 (same age). He died tragically when we were both 40. Now I'm 56, and although I've had offers over the years, I pretty much shut everyone out. I've been out with maybe three people for a couple of dates. Never wanted to really go through with a relationship. I'm not really into one-night stands but I have done them after a few drinks.
So, I go to NYC with my niece (I live in Texas) and visit an old bar haunt from the 80s and 90s - my friends who went with me there are now dead. A young man started eyeing me and I looked him right back in the eye, which is something I rarely do. So he came over and sat down and immediately told me I was handsome and amazing. I thought it was a little much and so did my niece. But I did meet him in the corner on the way out and gave him a kiss. He started texting me but I mostly ignored him. A couple of months later he came to Texas and I met him in a hotel lobby with a straight friend. I started warming up to him. He wanted me to visit him in NYC. It took all the courage I could muster (never done this before) and I went up there to NYC and got a room. He shows up to go to dinner and we had a fabulous weekend, we never left each other's side. It really could not have been better. He is very affectionate, wants to hold my hand all the time and other things! I was very skeptical at first and I tried to throw up a few roadblocks and tests to see how sincere he was. Yes, he really likes older guys. He is 28 and finishing his MBA. He is from the Middle East and has been in the country for 7-8 years in college. He was not wanting me to pay for things and I know he is not looking for a sugar daddy. On the night before I left, we went to a really romantic restaurant with live music and with the candlelight in his eyes, I became smitten.
After that he went on a school trip abroad and I was really missing him and we were doing romantic, flirty texts back and forth but only every few days. We made plans for me to come back to NYC exactly a month after our fabulous first weekend together. In the couple of weeks before, he was texting a little less but still very romantic "you're amazing", "glad I picked you", "you are so handsome" etc. I was still a little skeptical and not really sure if he would pick me up at the airport - but yes he did. We could hardly wait to get to the hotel. Then we went to a great restaurant and happy hour at another old haunt. We then met a friend I had not seen in many years then went to another old restaurant haunt. So I was getting very emotional and nostalgic from not only the locations but also at how well this was going. I probably drank too much because I was caught up in things and a little scared that wow I had found somebody like this. So stupid me says the "L" word. It was not returned but there was a very passionate night. The next day we went to another great restaurant, holding hands and all seemed well. We were headed for a show and had a drink before on a rooftop we had wanted to visit. At the table he said, "your feelings are stronger than mine and I am not really ready for a relationship right now". I was pretty stunned but we went on to the show. I was kind of quiet and he asked if I was ok. I said, "yes". We then went to dinner at the same romantic place as before. I held his hands and looked into his eyes and said, "I said I love you and I do. I'm not sorry I said that. I think you have also made me realize a lot of things about myself and how I shut myself off from life all these years and I appreciate that whether we are ever together or not". He seemed genuinely moved and almost had tears in his eyes. After that we were holding hands, had a nightcap and then an even more passionate night.
The next day I was leaving and he still seemed very affectionate but maybe a little distant. I tried to arrange another date but he really would not commit to any saying he was very busy trying to finish up school by October. He did say "we will see each other again". He has no current job prospects and I really think he is being discriminated against because of his Arabic name. He seems to have excellent grades. He told me of his fear of having to go back home, where he has several job offers. He would then be forced to marry a woman or be cut off from his family and possibly beaten or jailed. Still he did not ask for help from me - I didn't offer but I think he knows I would.
When I got out at the airport we hugged and I could not resist saying that I loved him again - I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I was kind of crying on the plane and I think the lady next to me realized this as she offered me some of her vodka!
When I got home we were still texting but it was a little less frequent and romantic. I was in a text conversation with him where I proposed another couple of dates but he said he could not do those weekends. So, I texted back "No pressure, I just want to have fun with you - I won't be as emotional and sentimental next time". Then I basically put the ball back in his court on a date. It's been about three weeks and we are still texting sporadically - he does get in conversations with me but it seems I am texting more than he.
He told me of a couple of past relationships, so he could be feeling burned and gun-shy or it's just that he is young and his future is very uncertain past November. He has never texted anything else that would not seem friendly or trying to discourage me. Then again maybe he is "just not into me" but his words don't seem to indicate that. He doesn't seem to be trying to lead me on because he was honest.
I really feel I need to explain/apologize for unloading all my feelings on him but he really broke down the door I had put up for 15 years after the death of my partner in 1998. I don't think that was fair to him. Yes, I really want him but I have a job and obligations to take care of my 85 year old mother here in Texas. So I'm not sure how practical it would even be to call ourselves "in a relationship".
Should I do this? I don't want to seem like a whiney person. I really was fine with being alone but being with him brought back the feelings of intimacy and caring - I did not know I missed those so much until I met him. So yes there was a flood of emotion, no doubt about that..maybe he will take that as a compliment.
I do think he really likes me - he texts and says he thinks of me often. And sometimes still calls me "handsome"!
I have kept my texts breezy and sent a few pictures of me going out with my friends to demonstrate I do have a life - have not made any references to a future date or sounded clingy at all. He has been sick and I have asked him how he is feeling...that's about it. He likes the World Cup so we've talked a bit about a couple of games.
At my age I am losing friends to death - I lost two this year (so far) and one I really regret that I did not talk much to one in the last couple years. My mother may also be going soon. SO I think this is part of my motivation in telling this guy how I felt. Also I have never been in any kind of long distance thing - it seems to rush things up when you are together because you know your time is brief and there is no guarantee of a "next time".
What should I do?
So, I go to NYC with my niece (I live in Texas) and visit an old bar haunt from the 80s and 90s - my friends who went with me there are now dead. A young man started eyeing me and I looked him right back in the eye, which is something I rarely do. So he came over and sat down and immediately told me I was handsome and amazing. I thought it was a little much and so did my niece. But I did meet him in the corner on the way out and gave him a kiss. He started texting me but I mostly ignored him. A couple of months later he came to Texas and I met him in a hotel lobby with a straight friend. I started warming up to him. He wanted me to visit him in NYC. It took all the courage I could muster (never done this before) and I went up there to NYC and got a room. He shows up to go to dinner and we had a fabulous weekend, we never left each other's side. It really could not have been better. He is very affectionate, wants to hold my hand all the time and other things! I was very skeptical at first and I tried to throw up a few roadblocks and tests to see how sincere he was. Yes, he really likes older guys. He is 28 and finishing his MBA. He is from the Middle East and has been in the country for 7-8 years in college. He was not wanting me to pay for things and I know he is not looking for a sugar daddy. On the night before I left, we went to a really romantic restaurant with live music and with the candlelight in his eyes, I became smitten.
After that he went on a school trip abroad and I was really missing him and we were doing romantic, flirty texts back and forth but only every few days. We made plans for me to come back to NYC exactly a month after our fabulous first weekend together. In the couple of weeks before, he was texting a little less but still very romantic "you're amazing", "glad I picked you", "you are so handsome" etc. I was still a little skeptical and not really sure if he would pick me up at the airport - but yes he did. We could hardly wait to get to the hotel. Then we went to a great restaurant and happy hour at another old haunt. We then met a friend I had not seen in many years then went to another old restaurant haunt. So I was getting very emotional and nostalgic from not only the locations but also at how well this was going. I probably drank too much because I was caught up in things and a little scared that wow I had found somebody like this. So stupid me says the "L" word. It was not returned but there was a very passionate night. The next day we went to another great restaurant, holding hands and all seemed well. We were headed for a show and had a drink before on a rooftop we had wanted to visit. At the table he said, "your feelings are stronger than mine and I am not really ready for a relationship right now". I was pretty stunned but we went on to the show. I was kind of quiet and he asked if I was ok. I said, "yes". We then went to dinner at the same romantic place as before. I held his hands and looked into his eyes and said, "I said I love you and I do. I'm not sorry I said that. I think you have also made me realize a lot of things about myself and how I shut myself off from life all these years and I appreciate that whether we are ever together or not". He seemed genuinely moved and almost had tears in his eyes. After that we were holding hands, had a nightcap and then an even more passionate night.
The next day I was leaving and he still seemed very affectionate but maybe a little distant. I tried to arrange another date but he really would not commit to any saying he was very busy trying to finish up school by October. He did say "we will see each other again". He has no current job prospects and I really think he is being discriminated against because of his Arabic name. He seems to have excellent grades. He told me of his fear of having to go back home, where he has several job offers. He would then be forced to marry a woman or be cut off from his family and possibly beaten or jailed. Still he did not ask for help from me - I didn't offer but I think he knows I would.
When I got out at the airport we hugged and I could not resist saying that I loved him again - I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I was kind of crying on the plane and I think the lady next to me realized this as she offered me some of her vodka!
When I got home we were still texting but it was a little less frequent and romantic. I was in a text conversation with him where I proposed another couple of dates but he said he could not do those weekends. So, I texted back "No pressure, I just want to have fun with you - I won't be as emotional and sentimental next time". Then I basically put the ball back in his court on a date. It's been about three weeks and we are still texting sporadically - he does get in conversations with me but it seems I am texting more than he.
He told me of a couple of past relationships, so he could be feeling burned and gun-shy or it's just that he is young and his future is very uncertain past November. He has never texted anything else that would not seem friendly or trying to discourage me. Then again maybe he is "just not into me" but his words don't seem to indicate that. He doesn't seem to be trying to lead me on because he was honest.
I really feel I need to explain/apologize for unloading all my feelings on him but he really broke down the door I had put up for 15 years after the death of my partner in 1998. I don't think that was fair to him. Yes, I really want him but I have a job and obligations to take care of my 85 year old mother here in Texas. So I'm not sure how practical it would even be to call ourselves "in a relationship".
Should I do this? I don't want to seem like a whiney person. I really was fine with being alone but being with him brought back the feelings of intimacy and caring - I did not know I missed those so much until I met him. So yes there was a flood of emotion, no doubt about that..maybe he will take that as a compliment.
I do think he really likes me - he texts and says he thinks of me often. And sometimes still calls me "handsome"!
I have kept my texts breezy and sent a few pictures of me going out with my friends to demonstrate I do have a life - have not made any references to a future date or sounded clingy at all. He has been sick and I have asked him how he is feeling...that's about it. He likes the World Cup so we've talked a bit about a couple of games.
At my age I am losing friends to death - I lost two this year (so far) and one I really regret that I did not talk much to one in the last couple years. My mother may also be going soon. SO I think this is part of my motivation in telling this guy how I felt. Also I have never been in any kind of long distance thing - it seems to rush things up when you are together because you know your time is brief and there is no guarantee of a "next time".
What should I do?