Can I really be a top?

[Virge]

Okay,I was under the impression that being top is totally painless and you get to have all the fun without having to do as much work as a bottom to overcome pain.
The you need to get that totally wrong impression out of your head. End of that issue. Being a top means you penetrate to give pleasure and believe me giving pleasure by topping is what most good "tops" like about it. You've already said you don't like rimming, well right there you've cut out about 50% of the great foreplay a top can perform for a bottom that #1 -- gets the bottom in the mood ...and #2.--- helps the muscles in that area relax and be ready for pleasurable penetration. The pain I was talking about has been caused by my BF being so friggin horny to be penetrated and the fact that I'm hung a bit larger than average. My preference is to make the act of penetration a ten or fifteen minute slow gradual process... Sometimes he gets crazy and tries to do it in three seconds.

I really don't like feeling pain on my dick,it's a huge turn off,and I can lose erection and pleasure if I feel pain down there.
How many people have offered you wise advice so far FROM THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES? Why do you still argue from the perspective of virtually no experience rather than accept the wise advice given to you? Are the problems more important to you than solutions?
This is also why I don't really like receiving oral compared to giving,cause somehow I could still feel the sucker's teeth and it's a turn off,it gives less pleasure,but there's still some pleasure,which is why I will still accept getting head.
You're right. You're the only one who knows anything about sex. nothing any of us says is worth considering. Go have fun.

Plus,I like being on equal footing with my partner,in some part. Maybe just giving oral and receiving anal totally doesn't make me any lesser than my partner,but that's how I perceive it whenever I watch porn with such scene. It feels like being a bottom,and giving oral,there's so much being taken from you. Not to mention in term of risk for STD,those roles are the riskiest. =/

[I don't have time to figure out if you're just a whiney attention whore or just a really neurotic chronic whiner-complainer. It doesn't matter really. I'm done even trying to offer you any advice because you're definitely not even doing anything with the advice you've been given but finding more and more reasons not to even consider it. You're big problem isn't whether you can be a top or not. It's something psychological and I'm not worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

Whoa memechose,no need to be so furious. If I am an attention whore,why would I post in anonymous mode. I have no intention of seeking such attention,I just want some help exploring my sexuality.

Here's the thing. This is pure speculation,but why do most people automatically assume they're top until they somehow try to bottom? And all (or at least majority) straight guys penetrate vagina. That seems to be the most assumed position,penetrating. Yeah,I have no idea what kind of things I'll be experiencing when I try to do anal,other than what I read and what I perceive from porn. Yup,porn is a bad reference,but sex education (which is non-existence from where I am) is no better.

1. Yeah,I find rimming gross,and I believe I'm not alone here. I'm not trying to be a good top,I'm trying to see whether topping is for me or not to begin with. If I have only 50% ability to do foreplay to relax my bottom,then that's what I'll make use of during this experiment phase.

2. I'm trying to tell you people what I feel,those advice been given are going to be used,I haven't had the chance to use it yet. Yeah,this part is more like whining,and I just wanna see if some people could relate to what I feel.

3. Never in any of my post I came off as know-it-all. I merely expressed my and MY feelings. So yeah,I believe I don't enjoy receiving oral as much as giving oral,what's so generalizing about that? It is my body,and I know what I feel and experience. You might not be able to relate to it,doesn't make your experience the only one applicable to everybody especially me. To each his own. I've never shot down others' sexual knowledge. I don't know where you get the perception that I came off as knowing about sex any better than you or other people here,cause clearly I am very inexperience and keep getting new knowledge from this thread.

Seriously dude,I am taking all these advice into consideration and gonna use it on my next encounter. If you feel like I am ignoring all of these advice because my post seems whiny,that's too bad. Thanks for all the advice you've given up to this point.

[Anonymous]

This thread might have started with me wondering if I could ever be a top (mostly due to my insecurities),but it has now evolved to me exploring what I want out of anal sex,what I don't want,and what I can compromise. I don't expect everybody who just participated to read all the way from the first to the last post and follow the flow of the conversation,cause most people don't do that,they just read the title and straight away read the last post or just post based on the title. So this is my update to those people.

[Adam]

Whether you're a top or a bottom isn't carved in stone. For me, it has entirely depended on the dynamic between me and the other guy. I never bottomed before I met my BF, but with him, I found being sexually submissive a major turn on. In terms of the actual physical act, a lot of people count themselves as versatile.
But my experience has been that being dominant or submissive has nothing much to do with who's top or bottom. My BF and I both have dominant personalities, and while I may be sexually submissive, it doesn't spill over into other areas of our life (even though he devoutly wishes it would lol).
Don't worry too much about labels, relax and enjoy your journey.

[Virge]

Anonymous...
My frustration is universal for people who....
1. over-analyze... like how to best put out fires rather than start carrying water as the house burns down.
2. rationalize aversions and distastes without attempting to experience or overcome them.
3. lack understanding and don't seek to understand.

These things frustrate me because people who do them are missing so much that life has to offer.
So what if you mess up doing something or aren't perfect at doing something the first time you do it?
That's how you learn the right ways to do things, process of elimination.

Here's what I would do if you and I met in person.
I'd set you up with a wild guy I know who is really into educating sexual newbies and watch you stammer and get ready to flee. Then I'd lock the door and leave. It's old time wisdom.
"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink but but if you push him in he'll learn to swim."
You'd learn to swim. I damned sure did. LOL!

One thing i don't think has been said in this thread is something alllllllllllllllllllll the older gay guys I've met say about topping or bottoming. When you meet "Mister All That" you won't even worry about if bottoming will hurt... you'll just want to do it... and it won't hurt. And about topping ... if the guy topping thinks topping about his dick and nothing else go home and use a dildo and sleep late.

Topping (to me) is a total head to toe body worship of the guy who is willing to submit to me and entrust me with his body, his pleasure in order to give me pleasure. It's not about me when I'm doing it. It's allllllllll about him in my mind. I get more out of seeing him enjoy it than my own shooting off. I'll do rimming, sucking, head to toe kissing and touching, anything and everything it takes to get him to want me inside him so bad he's begging for it... and then I'll eventually get around to it when I'm ready.

I can't even relate to all this wishy washy can I be, may I can be, what if I want to be, if a guy will let me be a top mentality. To me it's not even a conscious thought process. All it takes is the right visual stimuli, the right couple of smiles, touches and kisses and it's on. I become a greedy animal on autopilot in a civilized and mutually enjoyable act of rape. No discussion required.

I'm not being mean but honestly reading your comments I wondered if it would help you if someone wrote you a note giving you permission to top, like a note from home back when you were in school.

So that's my frustration and I apologize for venting it on you. I honestly cannot relate to your approach to this and I have really really really tried to.

[Camfer]

Anon, I think you're looking for a power bottom. Look it up. Might be fun for you. Really fun.

I've never experienced any pain in topping and have wiggled my way into some very tight corners over the years. I was surprised to learn that anyone had experienced pain doing that.

I hope memchose's frenulum is okay now.

[Uneunsae]

Oh, this power bottom thing sounds fun. *gets ideas*

[Anonymous]

@Adam Thanks for your input Adam. Yeah,I believe being top and bottom has nothing to do with being dominance and submissive in sex. If a guy is dominant and he doesn't even do anal sex,I could still get off,I just like the feeling of being dominated more than anything else. I also have this rape victim fantasy,so yeah. :p

@memechose Well,you're at a red zone,cause I over analyze EVERYTHING. That's just how I am wired. I am an analytical person. Over time,I learn to let things go with flow,but it is hard to not over-analyze it when that's how it has been! Yeah,I mess up the first time,I'm not gonna give up,I'll try again. But dominating a submissive guy,when I think about it back,there's something good about it. I like to please my partner as well,whether as submissive or dominant. Hey! I might lack understanding,but I always seek to understand. I am an empathetic person as well,it is my forte that I try to understand everybody's point of views and emotions. Right now I am trying to understand how you get pleasure by topping,which apparently isn't just from receiving but mostly from giving,and it's a great thing! I am going with the flow now,I'm not going to try being a top or a bottom. The more experience I have,the more I kinda get that there's no good over thinking about sex. I apologize too for ticking you off,I try my best not to offend or tick anybody off,but that's not always possible I suppose.

@Camfer I believe that's what everybody is suggesting. I haven't yet found a power bottom,but the second best thing (or probably even better) I have found is versatile top. And he loves rimming,lol. Probably I'll try rimming if things lead to that. I am still experiencing some pain on my penis. But when I think back,I believe the pain wasn't originated from trying to top,but because I had had quite a number of masturbation,and sometimes when I masturbate too much and too soon after ejaculating,my penis feels pain. Trying to penetrate that tight ass hole might have worsened it. I think I need to take a break from trying to top for now and let this pain goes away.

@Uneunsae thought you've tried power bottoming before! :p

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Pain when penetrating it isn't unusual if going too fast. Most times it's from the bottom being aggressive in getting penetrated --- NOT the top being too pushy.

My guy get's real freaky about it sometimes and takes it too fast and hurts my penis. One time he tore my frenulum. Another time I ended up with blood blisters on the inside of foreskin from it being stretched back so hard when he took it in.

My goodness, I strongly suggest you don't try anything on the wild side if your prick is that delicate. Sheesh.... you wouldn't survive a minute in my cellar....

[Uneunsae]

I've been dom a few times, but not a power bottom. It was more like, "Hm, the mood is exactly right (planets aligned) so I want to be dom today". Power bottom is totally different!