Can Hookups Turn Into Relationships?

[SilentFilm1988]

Last year I watched this film called "Weekend". The movie is about these 2 guys who meet at a gay club in London, and hookup. The rest of the film follows the 2 male characters over a 48 hour period as they begin to develop feelings for each other.

I also know 3 gay guys who I won't say are really good gay friends but more aquantences. Anyway, these 3 gay guys I know they are open to anything, hooking up, friends with benefits, etc. the reason I bring up these 3 guys is because all 3 of them are in relationships, and yet I am still single. So I've pondered is there something I'm doing wrong?

I get teased by my peers as being prudish because I don't do hookups. I tell my friends I want sex as much as the next guy, but I want it with a guy I'm dating, to have it mean something and not be meaningless, is it prudish of me to want that? And before anyone may say "maybe I should try it" I have sort of, and it just didn't work out.

1 guy who I tried it with said to me "I can't go on, I can tell you're to nervous" and another guy who all I tried to do was kiss him and he said to me: "I don't do kissing, I save kissing for guys I'm dating" and that pissed me off to no end because in that moment I felt like all I was to him was a whore.

So to anyone that may read this, do hookups turn into relationships for some people? Love to get some opinions.

[East]

Absolutely...they can....and they sometimes do. There are a lot of long time couples today ...gay and straight....that met as hookups.

This may be controversial nowadays but I cringe everytime I read someone is "looking for a relationship". I used to cringe when I heard two people meeting for the first time talking about how both of them were looking for a relationship from across the bar....

I was never looking for one....trying to avoid one was more like it. The thing is..when there is chemistry and attraction you either walk through that door...or you don't.

I can't even imagine seeking a relationship. If that was the case....I might have ended up with 50 different guys who had an interest in me but there was no chemistry. I always had guys who wanted to date me...and they looked good on paper and looked good in person....but there was nothing there. The other thing...when you put it out there what you are seeking ...and you are needy or have a victim mentality...you are clueing the other person in what to lie about...saw that happen a lot too.....

"My last boyfriend did this or that"...."My heart was broken once"...."I have a hard time trusting men"....EEK! ...all very bad things to put out there when you are "looking for a relationship".

...then a few years later you hear them trashing each other 'til your ears start to bleed....

I prefer to take my chances with the hookups. I have done rather well for myself in the relationship department so my plan to stay single worked out well ....

I would have been fine without a relationship...that is the key ...it always will be the key no matter how you choose to approach it.

[Bhp91126]

I would advise you to keep following your gut. It tells you that you need 'more' from a guy to have sex with him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that (but this also doesn't make you better than one of your friends, just different)

If you were not doing hook-ups because you were afraid of what other people might think of you, I'd suggest to drop those foolish notions and have fun.

For me, my husband and I have been together for almost 21 years and we met 'anonymously' in the rocks off of a Greek beach. So, we had sex before exchanging the first word and it still worked out.

[OkayOkay]

It's absolutely possible--it hasn't happened to me, but I have seen friends end up in relationships with guys that started as hookups.

[Bluelight]

Of course a hookup can lead to something more, but it's not for everyone. Whenever I have sex with someone right off the bat, it actually makes me feel much less attracted to them emotionally.

[Borg69]

Is your criteria for a relationship so strict that no one could possibly meet all your standards?

Some guys look so hard for a dream relationship they forget the guys applying. Some are so into the next hookup they throw away a lot of good guys.

You can do both. Look for a guy who is attractive to you, nice, honest, caring, ... and that line between looking for a hookup and dating for a relationship isn't so skewed. Loosen up a little. Doesn't mean you have to bed known whores you'd never be in a relationship with, but you can also have a shared moment that you know isn't going to be "forever"...

[TwisttheLeaf]

^^
I couldn't have said it any better than Borg.

[Virge]

I'm with Twisttheleaf on this and say Borg and East both were on target and speak with authority since they're both old old old men.... (LOL)....

If it hadn't been for me taking a guy up on a hookup 5 years ago I'd most likely still be single.... and for about a year after that it was, in his eyes, still just hooking up when we could get together. I was dumb and didn't know what we were doing was more than just hooking up. All I knew was that I just wasn't done with him and kept on and kept on and kept on until finally he had to tell me there was thing called "us" that he was beginning to like thinking about... Once that happened it was like all the pieces of a puzzle just fell right into place and the 'us' made perfect sense to him and to me. It wasn't even a mushy romantic moment but something like, 'well we can't get rid of each other so let's stop trying to.'...... and THEN came the fireworks and orchestras.

[Borg69]

Old? Who are you calling OLD? I'm just getting warmed up... try to keep up!

[Ryocchi]

First, guys, you need to take n consideration that you are not the op, you don't think the same way, hooking up wanting a relationship can lead to disastrous results, I do have friends who began as hook ups but the key is that none were seeking a relationship out of the other, they began as friends and sex partners and slowly began developing feelings, you see, it moved naturally, not forced, to tell a guy, who really wants a relationship to throw himself into the hook up world seems recklessly to me.

To the op, follow your instinct, if hook ups aren't for you go on with that, if you want to fall in love, there is no fail-proof formula, you don't seek love, love finds you when you least expect it, but if you want to give it a push, make more friends, go out, have fun, meet different people until inevitably you find that special someone