06-30-2014, 04:37 AM
Thanks for your responses guys! Memechose - I'm not expecting it to be a bed of roses or a walk in the park. It certainly hasn't been so far. When I met him I was a lot different than I am now. I was severely underweight, very shy and kind of believed that I was repulsive, I was also nursing a fairly bad drug habit. The day I met him I kicked the habit, and since have been working extremely hard on myself. I've gone from 48kg (We use metric in Australia, no idea how many lbs that is) to 73kg and muscular. I have essentially turned my life around for myself but he was the catalyst that made me do it. (I of course have never told him this. not even about the drugs...I am prepared to one day but for now I haven't).
Your story is like mine, except mine is condensed into three months. The first two months of having met him was him acting like a yo-yo, wanting me one second and then acting indifferent the next. He kept telling me he liked me but wanted to be friends I of course acted COOL with this, even though I really wasn't. We even ended up going out to a gay club where I had to see him make out with different guys (extremely painful) then he invited me to a birthday party of one of his gay friends (he almost lives a complete double life, keeping his straight and gay life completely separate) but he didn't tell me he was meeting a date there. The whole night I had to third wheel with him and this extremely coked up dude. He of course didn't notice at the time and who did he come running to when he worked it out? Me.
After that I got into the mindset that I no longer cared - if he didn't want me so be it. Then all of a sudden he did want me. He would call me incredible, tell me my body was amazing, text me numerous times and if I didn't reply he would keep on sending messages. After that is when he decided he wanted to be 'more than friends'
the past two weeks have been pretty good. He was honest and open and talking about the future which to me is a great thing. I decided to give in and let myself really feel the things I was feeling and to treat him as he was treating me, (refer to above paragraphs) Then it's like a door closes and a light goes out and I'm sitting there wondering whether I've done something to aggravate him. I'm not afraid of giving more than taking. I just want a little bit of happiness to go along with the anguish that I'm feeling.
That's the reason why I struck up the conversation - I wanted to know what he wants. I don't want to waste my life chasing someone who is emotionally unavailable. I'm a pretty good catch and since turning my life around have had numerous offers (which is totally surprising) from guys who are really really interested (one or two I've had a little pang of feeling for but generally the feelings weren't returned) I'd rather 'trim the fat' now and cut it off and get on with the healing process (because I really do like him) than stick with something that probably won't work and will just end in heart ache and sadness. Though I would really like it to work out with us because so far he has been a great influence on me and I feel like I could one day really love him. I don't know. It's just all so confusing.
Your story is like mine, except mine is condensed into three months. The first two months of having met him was him acting like a yo-yo, wanting me one second and then acting indifferent the next. He kept telling me he liked me but wanted to be friends I of course acted COOL with this, even though I really wasn't. We even ended up going out to a gay club where I had to see him make out with different guys (extremely painful) then he invited me to a birthday party of one of his gay friends (he almost lives a complete double life, keeping his straight and gay life completely separate) but he didn't tell me he was meeting a date there. The whole night I had to third wheel with him and this extremely coked up dude. He of course didn't notice at the time and who did he come running to when he worked it out? Me.
After that I got into the mindset that I no longer cared - if he didn't want me so be it. Then all of a sudden he did want me. He would call me incredible, tell me my body was amazing, text me numerous times and if I didn't reply he would keep on sending messages. After that is when he decided he wanted to be 'more than friends'
the past two weeks have been pretty good. He was honest and open and talking about the future which to me is a great thing. I decided to give in and let myself really feel the things I was feeling and to treat him as he was treating me, (refer to above paragraphs) Then it's like a door closes and a light goes out and I'm sitting there wondering whether I've done something to aggravate him. I'm not afraid of giving more than taking. I just want a little bit of happiness to go along with the anguish that I'm feeling.
That's the reason why I struck up the conversation - I wanted to know what he wants. I don't want to waste my life chasing someone who is emotionally unavailable. I'm a pretty good catch and since turning my life around have had numerous offers (which is totally surprising) from guys who are really really interested (one or two I've had a little pang of feeling for but generally the feelings weren't returned) I'd rather 'trim the fat' now and cut it off and get on with the healing process (because I really do like him) than stick with something that probably won't work and will just end in heart ache and sadness. Though I would really like it to work out with us because so far he has been a great influence on me and I feel like I could one day really love him. I don't know. It's just all so confusing.