Dude is playing games. (need advice)

[Axanderb]

A few months ago i started talking to this guy and things went from 0 to 100 back to 0 back to 50 back to 0 and the last 0 was on my part. I cut him off because i felt like i was getting toyed with...all over the expanse of about a month. So we met at the bar on a friday, went on a date the following thursday, and then i spent the night at his place on saturday (no sex just kissing and cuddling). So this first week was pretty great, we were texting/talking every day and he seemed to be as interested in me as i was in him.

The following friday however, we met got together at the bar again....and there was red flag after red flag...most notably...there was this boy who was following the guy I was talking to (we'll call him JO) around like a sad puppy. JO And I were carrying on and whatnot and then this other boy drags JO to the bathroom. I was like...ok this is weird...

And I pretty much new that they had kissed or done something in there...So JO pulls me outside and we have this 30 minute discussion about how he really likes me, he's a very honest person, and he needs me to know that he kissed that other guy. I was like...k...kind of figured, it bothers me but i get it we aren't together.

And then he tells me, "I really like you, But i just got out of a 2 year relationship and I've only been single for 3 months, I'm really not ready for a relationship right now but when I am i would like to try dating you. You've proven yourself to be different than other guys and I appreciate your personality and ambition"

Me being Naive as fuck responded with a " I really like you too, I'm willing to wait...but don't use this as an excuse to fuck me over." I feel like me even agreeing to it gave him permission to be a shitty person basically. Because at this point my emotions had already gotten involved.

The next 2 weeks I asked him a few times if he'd like to hang out, get together etc. And he always came up with some kind of shitty excuse...I suggested that he come party with me for my birthday and he agreed so i figured....maybe he was really just busy. So when he arrives with all of his friends....he had all 8 of them hug me and wish me a happy birthday. I thought that was super sweet. He invited me over his place after the bar to party with him and his friends as well. But there was this other guy (we'll call him Flaco) who Jo has apparently been friends with for a very long time who he invited over as well.

So At Jo's house we're playing a drinking game (something I've never done before and regret doing) called waterfall where you basically get wasted after 1 round...i wasn't there for that at all. Jo pulled me close to him and we were cuddling and I could see that Flaco was getting visibly agitated....Jo kissed me and Flaco ran off like a scene from a soap opera melodrama. Jo ran after him and they talked outside for like 20 minutes. At that point...i should have been smart and left...But me being inebriated and Still pretty into Jo...stayed. We stayed up until 4 am and had fun and danced in his living room. I slept in his bed (no sex of any kind) and left the next morning thinking "Well i was the one who stayed....slept in his bed...he was giving me his attention so that must mean something right?) Wrong I was.

Jo basically stopped talking to me as frequently after this though he did invite me to a wine and cheese night but never gave me a date so i knew that was some bullshit. After making myself look like a fool one too many times i decided It was time for me to stop talking to him. I asked him directly if He and Flaco were dating and he told me no but i didn't really believe him (that was around mother's day). I stopped talking to him for 3 days...then HE texted and I responded to what he said but gave him nothing else....then we didn't talk for an entire week and a half until he texted me again telling me that his Phone was fixed (oh yeah...we were talking on facebook almost this entire time up until this point) SO i agreed to re-exchange phone numbers and I remained very dry and unresponsive to his texts.

That friday at the bar....He's there....With Flaco....and they are all over each other. And I tried to tell myself that I wasn't bothered but I was. At one point on the dance floor He tried to pull me over to dance with him when Flaco left the area and I refused....
Once I got home I told him to lose my number, that I wasn't an ego boost or a backup plan, I wished him good luck with his business and told him to have a great life.
He responded with some bullshit that he hadn't treated me as such and that he would have liked to be friends regardless of how our relationship developed. I gave no response.

Then last night he was there...and he pulls me aside and asks me "Are you mad at me?" And i told him this wasn't the place or time to talk about this...and if he really wants to have this discussion he needs to contact me outside of the bar and set up a time and place. he agreed and told me he'd reach out.

He also has a terrible drinking problem....he drives drunk...

I don't think he will...and I don't even know if it's worth my time to give him a second chance. I definitely don't see him as dating material but i feel like i would be willing to accept an apology? Idk.





Sorry this is so long i just like to be thorough in my inclusion of detail lol.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I wouldn't give him a second chance. I'm sorry, but it's better to get out while your feelings are still tertiary than allow yourself to sink into him deeper and deeper then be crushed later.

He's clearly playing games. he's clearly either dating around and/or participating in a decent amount of FWB relationship(s) while trying to lead you on and keep you "in the wings".

You deserve to be treated better. And honestly? Are you sure that if he apologizes that it would even be sincere? He seems pretty adamant in trying to pull the wool over your eyes and remaining "innocent" of wrong doing.

[Charon]

NO, oh no, no, no. This is crazier than a craft food recipe. It's too convoluted, I don't know where I lost track of nice boy meets nice.....psychotic but somewhere. He's loving the attention and the trouble he's causing, it's a perverted case of Munchausen's by Proxy. His dance is long and he'll make up new steps every time you turn a corner. He's unstable and unwilling to stick to anything or any one for any time at all. My suggestion would be that you take yourself to a place where there are guys you'd like to me, let them discover you charming naïveté and let things take a slow[I][B][/I][/B] to wherever they may go. You know, you don't have to have a boyfriend. There's considerable to be gained from just being a nice guy whom other nice guys will recognize as such and want to get to know you. It's just that simple; gay men sometimes have a tendency overthinking and overacting in situation. Don't be like that, surprise them, wear chinos, a button down shirt and saddle shoes. I sense you have a good bit of charm, let someone find it, they'll enjoy the discovery.
As to your current,....mess. Walk out. Leave. Go away. Return all keys, anything, make it clear it's over. And, no, he cannot come back in six or eight months after he's finished going through another set of "changes"; You have a change for him and it's your permanent absence.

[meninlove]

From one Taurus to another, walk away from all of this. Grin and be free. That's not love, or anything close to it. Save your goodness and optimism for the real thing, it's worth protecting, because lingering with this mess could damage it.

warmly,
-Doug

[Iceblink]

Sorry, but I think the guy pretty much laid out for you near the beginning of how things were going to be when he told he had just gotten out of a relationship and was not looking for another relationship right now, but would like to go out on dates with you. He was telling you that there was not going to be exclusivity and that is exactly what has transpired. You two are looking for something different at this time in your lives. It is easy to see you are looking for something more substantial than casual dating, despite him basically telling you that is what he was looking for, and he can sense that so now he is just being a coward and and not being truthful about these other guys. Don't see him again and don't respond to him because you two do not want the same thing.

[Borg69]

No wall of text advice. He's bad news. Too much drama, too many red flags, too many lies, too many games... and you haven't even officially started dating yet!

You can do better, and you know it. Forget this guy. He's already had way more time and chances than he deserved.

[Lycanthropist]

First, thank you for breaking that up in to paragraphs! It was pretty cogent and easier to read than a disjointed wall of text.

Second, in my experience, when someone says they just got out of a relationship, that has meant that they will text me once or twice and then the final text says they are getting back together with the person they just broke up with. It does sound like he was just playing the field for a moment. It sucks you went through this, but it's a learning experience. That doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact, but, from here on out keep your eyes open and know you probably will never have a serious relationship with this guy.

[Virge]

After reading this I'm going to leave now and answer questions about butt plugs, sex fantasies about small farm animals, why toothpaste doesn't make good lube, are bottoms supposed to hold their own legs up, sex positions while eating dinner and best blow jobs by fundamentalist ministers.

I"ll catch up with this when it plays on A&E. You guys are handling it well.

[50Plus]

After reading this I'm going to leave now and answer questions about butt plugs, sex fantasies about small farm animals, why toothpaste doesn't make good lube, are bottoms supposed to hold their own legs up, sex positions while eating dinner and best blow jobs by fundamentalist ministers.

I"ll catch up with this when it plays on A&E. You guys are handling it well.

No damnit, answer the question of whether bottoms should hold their own legs up!!
Or perhaps the best sex positions for eating dinner. Anything visual please.

[50Plus]

Sorry, but I think the guy pretty much laid out for you near the beginning of how things were going to be when he told he had just gotten out of a relationship and was not looking for another relationship right now, but would like to go out on dates with you. He was telling you that there was not going to be exclusivity and that is exactly what has transpired. You two are looking for something different at this time in your lives. It is easy to see you are looking for something more substantial than casual dating, despite him basically telling you that is what he was looking for, and he can sense that so now he is just being a coward and and not being truthful about these other guys. Don't see him again and don't respond to him because you two do not want the same thing.

It hurts, but read Iceblinks first line. It sums it up. You were both honest with each other. Not sure either of you wanted to listen to what the other said.

Your anger towards each other stems from not understanding where the other person is coming from. You are at different places. To him, I like you is akin to saying let's shag. To you, I like you is akin to saying let's be a couple.

Find a different bar cause if you keep going back to the same one you will keep seeing the same person and keep having the same issues. Its either an infinite loop or insanity.