Friend denies making love with me

[Anonymous]

Is it possible for a guy to not remember having sex when he was slightly drunk?
I’m talking about my friend and me. We know each other for quite long time already and we’re good friends. He’s straight, at least he said he’s straight when he found out I’m gay. So there was a small party for my friends and me at my place. He was also there. We were all having very good time and then it was late night already when the guests were leaving and he stayed. He said he had a car outside but couldn’t drive because of being drunk, so he asked me if I could put him up for the night. Of course I said yes, I didn’t want him to get himself into some car crash or something.

However I would have never thought that this will happen. When we were getting ready for the sleep, he suddenly approached me , put his arms around me and started kissing me on the cheek. I was so very surprised that at the first moment I couldn’t understand what was he doing and what was going on. He kept on touching and kissing me, I know I should’ve probably said no and not let him, but actually I had a crush on him for a very long time, but I thought it was impossible since he said he’s straight. So I didn’t push him away and to be honest, it was the best sex in my life.

In the next morning we both woke up, I was very happy and he was having some headache. I said that the last night was awesome and he asked what I meant. I then said I meant our lovemaking and he was like „what the hell are you talking about, I could never have sex with you”. He said he doesn’t remember anything. I was surprised and I can’t force myself to believe he doesn’t remember. I mean - yes, he was drunk, but I know him for a long time and I’ve seen him when he’s severely drunk and also when he’s just a little drunk. This time he wasn’t so drunk, he was walking and talking normally, that’s why I can’t believe he doesn’t remember. Even after really hard parties he usually remembers something. We even fought because of it. I don’t like being lied to and he was all like – don’t remember anything, don’t know anything and don’t want to talk about it. He says the last thing he remembers is coming inside my room and that’s it. When I asked how would he explain that we’re naked in the same bed, he was like „I don’t know what you did to me, probably just took advantage of me while I was asleep”. Jesus, he was not asleep! He only fell asleep when we were finished, we both fell asleep then. He didn’t even want to talk to me, just left my place as soon as possible. He also was like „I told you already I’m not gay and if you touched me, that’s on your conscience". He was the one who touched me first and he wanted me through all the night. He says this cannot be, he could never sleep with a man.

We haven’t contacted since this morning. I was hurt and offended when he said I took advantage of him. I thought he knew me better. I would've never done it and if he hadn’t touch me first, nothing would’ve happened. I’m also sad because I thought he might feel something to me and now he just avoids me and pretends nothing ever happened. If he didn’t like it or felt ashamed or whatever, he could’ve just told me that and I’d understand. But why he has to lie and act like he doesn’t remember? I don’t want to lose him as a friend at least.

I don’t believe he doesn’t remember. Do you? Is it possible to not remember passionate sex?

[TwisttheLeaf]

It's possible. But, it's more likely that he's not ready to deal with what happened or the repercussions that could come from it.

If you want to keep your friendship, I wouldn't push this. If he's not ready to acknowledge what happened or, for that matter, his inclinations in that direction? Pushing it will only cause more issues and strain on your friendship.

Before I entered into a relationship with Gideon, I really enjoyed introducing guys who insisted they were straight to the fact that they might not be as straight as they protest themselves to be. A lot of the 'day afters' went as you describe. ((Granted, in my case... this worked for me because I didn't want a relationship, for me it was just having fun. Which worked for them because they could effectively pretend it never happened and go on with their lives knowing it did even if they wouldn't admit it under threat of death.))

[David3K]

Dude remembers, but its just too much for him to handle. Obviously this wasn't your fault, your friend should come to terms with what he did, whether because he was curious or he's bi, gay or whatever. I would give him some space and he will come around eventually.

[MikeW]

I agree, don't push it. Guys often go into denial, especially when they have alcohol or drugs to blame it on.

[Uneunsae]

It's possible. But, it's more likely that he's not ready to deal with what happened or the repercussions that could come from it.

If you want to keep your friendship, I wouldn't push this. If he's not ready to acknowledge what happened or, for that matter, his inclinations in that direction? Pushing it will only cause more issues and strain on your friendship.

Before I entered into a relationship with Gideon, I really enjoyed introducing guys who insisted they were straight to the fact that they might not be as straight as they protest themselves to be. A lot of the 'day afters' went as you describe. ((Granted, in my case... this worked for me because I didn't want a relationship, for me it was just having fun. Which worked for them because they could effectively pretend it never happened and go on with their lives knowing it did even if they wouldn't admit it under threat of death.))

"Straight" men like to flirt with me, too. I think they reject any notion that they might be gay because of how feminine you and I are. It lets them stay in a state of denial.

[Virge]

if you go to every gay forum on the internet and also Yahoo Answers LGBT section you'll find out this exact same question and exact same situation is happening probably about 10,000 times day in the USA alone. There's no advice to help you with this but if you like you can easily get on line and read all the advice ever given since the internet began so there's no sense in me acting like I can say anything someone else has already done a better job of saying.

But on the funny side of this.........

A couple of weeks ago a gay friend who's still pretty closeted came by to tell me all about a straight guy he picked up at a strip bar and too home for sex. In the process he dropped details like first name, hair color, body details, descriptions of tattoos and type of vehicle and the type of work he thought the guy did. The straight guy snuck out and left after the gay guy screwed him and passed out... Of course the gay guy thought he was in love with some mystery man.

He described a straight friend of of mine and my room mate's right down to the Y shaped scar on his upper leg and the girl's name tattooed on his shoulder. I can't tell my room mate and I definitely can't confront the guy about what I heard about him. But it sure does explain why he's always the first one to strip down to get in the jacuzzi when there's nothing but us guys here drinking.

[Iceblink]

It is possible that someone can get so drunk they might not remember having sex, but in what you describe this almost certainly a case of denial. People have already given you good advice here, but I am going to add one more thing and this is advice I almost never give, because almost always in these advice-seeking threads my view is that people should also be seeking some advice from people in the real word. In this case, however, do not discuss this with other people in your life. You very much risk that if it gets back to him, he will spin the story that you took advantage of him and you might find there are people that will believe it.

[Jake]

Well he does remember! If you said that you've been around him when he's very drunk and that this time he wasn't that drunk you can be sure he recalled it. Now in this forum you are surrounded with gays, bisexual and lesbian. I use to be like your friend, I use to have sex with guys only when I was drunk, in fact I worked in the gay porn industry and been having sex with guys from a early time (13 years old). And I would always denied of having sex with guys. Until very lately I started accepting that I was bisexual because one guy I had sex with did really interested me and I was ready to have a relationship and come out but he wasn't. I was 15 and was emotionally crushed and I continued on being a bisexual but from 15 up to 25 you don't have enough hands to count how many guys I had sex with compared to girls if you don't count my 5 years passage in the porn industry.

He does remember, he was just not ready to deal with its feeling. One day it will hit him hard because as some people said once "Once you go black you never go back" well same for being gay "Once you go gay it never goes away". People told me the gay part years ago, I did not believe it and yet today the greatest homophobe (but I did not discriminate gays - I was homophobe with myself not others) I was is married to a man and I don't want to go away and he's with a black man and he doesn't want to go back LOL.

[50Plus]

Whether he is gay or straight, or you want him to be one or the other there is one simple truth.

It was a one night stand. Wham bam thank you Stan.

For most people the memories of a one night stand are to remain sealed in the condom.

Get over it, move on. His lack of memory is either a sign of his guilt, shame or the fact he blacked out. I say leave him alone. You cannot fix one point in space and time and base all of life on it.

If it is meant to be, time and distance will heal all.

[deepu69]

Many good advices here. I would only take a guess on what would happen next. Once the initial 'can't face you' phase is over and you guys are back to being friendly, I would expect the same to happen again. He will need more such nights. It's a hunch. So don't bet on it.