giving up on ever meeting another woman

[Melody]

So I came to the conclusion that I will be alone for the rest of my 20's and maybe 30's , first of all I have the fact that I look straight working against me and my town sucks when it comes to gay bars , they seem to cater to only gay men and not lesbians , plus when you go in there it's just straight women in there and hardly any lesbians , so I'm just sick of it all , I'm planning on going to the gay bar again but I won't be flirting or approaching any women there because I know I'll get scared straight women that think i'm some damn monster that just said hi to them . Plus it's just nice to be around other gay people for once but I'll just probably keep myself busy if I don't meet anyone which will probably happen . seems like coming out has made me feel worse than any better my parents still don't know I'm a lesbian but so far I've got my friend who can't accept me and I'm lonely as hell so great that's all coming out has gotten me and my stupid town doesn't even have a lesbian bar yet my friends say Oh Connecticut is so great for lgbt seen, my ass not if your a lesbian . So I'm just going to make friends with some of the gay guys there and not care about anything else or even hope to meet another woman in there I'm just so sick of it all and if you meet another woman in there and she finds out your not experience she judges you and thinks your no good because you have not dated other women so why the hell should I even bother when I'm going to get judged for being a newbie . Plus if you meet a girl and God for bid you want something serious and not play the I want to experiment with a chick game I guess your deemed un dateable so I guess things suck I'll just be drinking my milk and not give a damn anymore . then you hear how much lesbians love femme or lipstick lesbians yet when your face with one you judge her because she's not butch enough for you just sick of this bull crap and i'm not changing the way I dress for anyone .
cheers to the lonely lesbian
because I'm too feminine for women to believe I'm a lesbian
so cheers to a lonely damn 20's .
I'm starting to think about going back to dating men because I can't take being this lonely anymore even though I'm not attracted to men or want anything to do with them but I could just use some company with no sex of course I'm not sleeping with them I'll just make some excuse that I'm waiting til marriage I'm just sick of this crap . I'm not sure if I'll date men at all I really don't want to but it just crossed my mind seems like the only time you ever meet chicks when your a lesbian yourself is when there is some man in the picture then they all start coming out of the woodwork some how .

[TwisttheLeaf]

then you hear how much lesbians love femme or lipstick lesbians yet when your face with one you judge her because she's not butch enough for you just sick of this bull crap and i'm not changing the way I dress for anyone .
cheers to the lonely lesbian
because I'm too feminine for women to believe I'm a lesbian

I wonder if this is an issue of where you live, or if it's your flirting style that's getting in your way.

I say this, because my sister (she goes by Noema here on GaySpeak) is what most would consider a "lipstick lesbian". And she definitely doesn't have any problem picking up other women... or being picked up by them, for that matter.

Granted, she DOES have a habit of ending up with psycho blonds, but that's an entirely other issue.

[Jaxx37]

Don't be disheartened hun, coming out can be really hard at first and sometimes people can be really insensitive. Maybe you should concentrate on making friends with some of the guys/girls in the gay scene in your area. Then I bet you'll meet someone special. Often we meet someone when we're least expecting to so perhaps concentrating on getting to know people so you have a support network is the best way to go?

As for lesbians not liking the more feminine look I find that strange, a lot of the lesbians I've known in my life are attracted to the 'lipstick lesbian' if you will. Perhaps though you're just talking to the wrong women. I'm sorry coming out has been such a let down for you, it shouldn't be that way and I wish your friends had been more supportive. Don't give up though - sometime, when you least expect it the woman you're meant to be with will appear and she will love and appreciate you for the wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and not for who she thinks you should be. I know that's of little comfort at the moment, things will get better though - you just have to get used to being in the gay scene I guess and once you're known around there (since it seems like you're in a relatively small town) people will take you more seriously.

*Hugs*

[Wolfpack]

Awww sorry you feel this way, try to think a bit more positively if you can that special one may walk into your life when you least expect it. Have I thought about alternatives to the gay bar scene, like social clubs and other community activitie? You meet new people this way. Good luck to you and I hope you feel better and have are able to have a more positive outlook on life in time.

[meninlove]

Melody, you said, " So I'm just going to make friends with some of the gay guys there and not care about anything else.."

THIS. Do it. They will likely know some lesbians.

Oh, and *HUGS*

[meninlove]

PS do NOT try to be or appear what you're not. There was a show a while back on TV called The L Word. Lipstick lesbians all over, and the real life lesbians I know were droolin' fools over them, lol. So you do you, and people will pick up the good vibes of natural you.

[Virge]

dang it dang it dang it.

I just went off on my #1 pet peeve and now you had to post my about my #2....

I could write a book about not giving up on your dreams and the things that make you happy.... or if you'll drop you drawers we can save time and I'll give you a sunshine enema.

it's your choice... a book or an enema... send me a thanks to alert me that you've responded. In the meantime I'll be typing a book to cut and paste.... and keeping the enema bag warm.

[bilkiba]

That seems odd to me, in my area I see an equal amount of femme and butch lesbians, and it doesn't look like any of them have trouble meeting anyone, but I could be wrong, as I never knew any of them that well.

As others have said, I think you should try befriending people. I don't think you should resort to dating men again. If you're not into them, you're just going to hurt them, and potentially yourself, by pretending. I do know that it seems to be true that you meet people when you least expect it. Hell, I didn't even know I was into girls when I met one who swept me off my feet. You shouldn't try too hard to find love, but you also shouldn't stop trying to meet people, if that makes sense. Go out and socialize and see if you can make friends with some single lesbians, even if they don't believe you're one of them at first. Oftentimes, it is friendship that leads to relationships, and people are less likely to judge someone they've already been friends with as opposed to people they've only just met.

I don't know if you're open to it or not, but you could also try meeting someone local on a dating site and meeting up, and see how that goes. Sometimes people you meet that way are less likely to judge based on appearance or experience or other things of that nature.

[Melody]

Melody, you said, " So I'm just going to make friends with some of the gay guys there and not care about anything else.."

THIS. Do it. They will likely know some lesbians.

Oh, and *HUGS*

They will ok I'll make friends with some more gay men , at the last gay bar I made friends with this married gay couple we don't chat all the time but sometimes .