Advice on coming out

[Roots32]

Hi,

I just found this website after lots and lots of research. Finally a site where I can talk about my concerns. You see, I’ve always known I was attracted to men, but coming out in small catholic community is not an easy task. Especially if the entire community knows you personally. So my question is, how do I come out? Is there such a thing as a coming out manual? I’am just lost right now and i don’t know where to go for advice, until I found this site. Can anyone give me some advice?

Regards,

[MrMom]

Think about all of the people in your community, and decide whom you trust the most. If you come out to just one person, emphasizing that they're the only one you've told, you'll hopefully end up with a strong ally. People respond to being trusted and to being the only one who's "in the know" -
I think it would be very helpful to have that one person in your community who knows the rest of the community and can help you figure out what to say and how people will respond.
Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you!

[Virge]

hmmm let's see.... catholic... small community... coming out where everyone knows you....

OH WOW I JUST DESCRIBED ME AND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

manuals? no. You do need to to some homework mainly to prepare yourself for it.... AND that's something We can help you with....

Start here.
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ there are tons of videos by real people about coming out and other stuff. You should spend some time with them and you'll get over that dread that I know you feel and start building up some confidence about it.

Coming out is never the same for any two people. No one can give you a clear picture of what to expect or how to prepare for it. All you can do is get yourself ready.

This may not make a lot of sense to you now but I try to tell people not to make their emotions slaves to other people. If and when you become happy with yourself as gay coming out it easy because nothing anyone says or does can effect the way you feel about yourself. THAT is the hardest part about coming out --- accepting yourself and being happy about being YOU.

Here's a link to soulforce and Rev. Mel White, a guy I'll be meeting in August.
http://www.soulforce.org/ Rev Mel is about the most positive man I know and his story is amazing. He worked for Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson before coming out.

Here's Metropolitan Community Church a worldwide church for LGBTs http://mccchurch.org/
Here's American Catholic Church which is totally inclusive http://accus.us/ and I feel sure they have affiliated churches in Canada.

Here's a video by Mel White.



There will be a pop quiz after you study up! LOL.

[Beaux]

Hi,

I just found this website after lots and lots of research. Finally a site where I can talk about my concerns. You see, I’ve always known I was attracted to men, but coming out in small catholic community is not an easy task. Especially if the entire community knows you personally. So my question is, how do I come out? Is there such a thing as a coming out manual? I’am just lost right now and i don’t know where to go for advice, until I found this site. Can anyone give me some advice?

Regards,

Welcome! I think you have arrived at the right place!

[bilkiba]

Honestly, I don't think coming out is always necessary. There are some cases where it is, but excluding them, it's the same as anything else you are interested in. For me, there wasn't really a "coming out" moment. Most people in this area are religious, but my immediate family isn't, and they've always been very open. Almost everyone I've ever met called me 'lesbian' all the time before I "came out," and I'd just respond that I do like men. I just checked the box on Facebook for "interested to men and women" and no one was surprised when I updated my relationship status to show I was in a relationship with a woman. Some said "I knew it" some said "do you like men at all?" but that was the extent of it.

I know that doesn't happen like that for everyone. Some people live in places that are more judgmental than I do where it's more of a big deal. Now, I don't know much about Canada, but from what I've heard it's a very open and chill place. I've also heard, however, that the Catholics there are still pretty anti-gay... has Pope Francis had any effect on them? As the head of the Catholic church, he should be taken into consideration, and, if they follow him, they may be more accepting than you might expect.

All of that said, my advice is, if you don't need to come out, then don't. Meaning, you define yourself as a "curious man in an open straight relationship," so, the only person you should need to say anything to specifically would be your partner, if there's a man around whom you have interest in. In which case, you could casually mention your interest in a man and see where it goes. Don't make a big deal of it, though. Or maybe try what MrMom suggested in a similar way. If you get a reaction like "omg you like men??!!" just calmly reply something like, "yeah, always have. Is that a problem?" However, if you feel the need to do a full coming out, letting everyone know all at once, then I don't know much that could help. As I noted above I have no coming out experience, and I'm still young, so maybe my ideas of how to handle the situation aren't the best. That's why I'm going to give you what's probably the best advice I can think of as well to conclude this post: take memechose's advice, and no matter what, you should definitely do all that research before you mention it to anybody.

[CellarDweller]

Welcome to the forum!

As for a coming out manual, well not exactly, but......


http://www.amazon.com/The-Homo-Handbook-...roduct_top

This book may be a little "dated" now, but I found it helpful when I first came out.

[Ceruleaan]

Well my best advice is to do it gradually. Additionally, I'd try to do it in such a way that the first people you come out to are either very unlikely to react negatively, or if the do, the negative impact of their intolerance is less than if you had come out to another person. I hope you can decipher that.

The basic message I'm trying to get across is to come out a in a graduated fashion. For example, you might first come out to a gay friend; its highly unlikely they won't be supportive. Then you might come out to someone who you know is straight but who hangs out with people from every spectrum of the rainbow. Then you might try a closer friend with whom you've rarely or never broach the topic of homosexuality, but who has never said anything negative, and maybe even said a few positive things about gay folk.

The moral is to get comfortable with the process of coming out itself rather than how to come out per se. The fact of the matter is you're going to be coming out for the rest of your life in one shape or form.

Good luck!

[Roots32]

Thank you all for your kind support and advice. It really makes my day knowing that there are people in other parts of the world that understand my situation. Love you to you all!

[Wolfpack]

Hi and welcome to Gayspeak.

As for coming out, first you have to come out to yourself and fully accept and love yourself, only then can you get true inner happiness. When and whom you come out to in your life is your decision and choice. Take your time no need to rush, come out at a pace that feels right to you.

Enjoy the forum.