tw: sexual assault. GRAPHIC DETAIL. TRIGGER WARNING.

[ZombieSlayer]

A few weeks ago i was sexually assaulted and i'm still sorta just... i don't really know how to explain it. It feels like an out of body experience almost. like i'm watching my body go through everyday life and at the end of the day it feels like i lost all of that time. I don't know where it all went.
I keep thinking, you know, it isn't such a big deal what happened. We were in a Dom/Sub relationship so maybe i'm just being a big baby about it plus we had just finished doing it a few minutes earlier...
we were laying in my bed and he was trying to get me to go again.
i kept telling him to stop but he kept trying. I said the safe word over and over and kept saying i was being serious but he didn't even acknowledge what i was saying. i started getting freaked out because he wouldn't stop so i tried to move out from under him while telling him repeatedly to stop and the safe word, etc. still, nothing. he kept moving me back so i tried pushing him off me and kicking him off me but he was just looking at me emotionless and he wouldn't stop. finally i just gave up and layed still and didnt make another sound.
he acted nice afterwards, took me to the pet store and then dropped me off at work.
that's another thing that makes me question if it really was sexual assault.
is it sexual assault if it was a dom doing it? if i stopped resisting? if he was nice afterwards?...
he never acknowledged it afterwards either. i stopped seeing him and cut off contact with him but i feel guilty about the whole thing.

[Virge]

My BF introduced to bondage by explaining it to me. For it to be great the Dom shouldn't take advantage of the sub who's showing enough trust to literally give their entire body and all their pleasure over to him. It's all about total trust and that trust ought to be respected without exception.

I think you did the right thing. He broke a real important trust. He'll do it again.

[CellarDweller]

I keep thinking, you know, it isn't such a big deal what happened. We were in a Dom/Sub relationship so maybe i'm just being a big baby about it plus we had just finished doing it a few minutes earlier... we were laying in my bed and he was trying to get me to go again.

i kept telling him to stop but he kept trying. I said the safe word over and over and kept saying i was being serious but he didn't even acknowledge what i was saying.

You need to get away from this person. memechose is right, he broke a major trust, and you shouldn't feel bad for leaving or questioning this.

You repeated the safeword, and he still kept going and forcing. This is someone who doesn't respect you or your boundaries.

[Cuddly]

You had just finished doing it a few minuttes earlier? Are you sure he "finished" too? I mean, if we had sex and you came and then didn't want anything more to do with me, without me having climaxed yet, I'd be pretty weird about it too...

I don't think you should blame yourself for what happened, it definately sounds like rape. Well it definately WAS rape. But please tell me more about the stuff I wrote above, that'll give me a better picture of things.

[ZombieSlayer]

You had just finished doing it a few minuttes earlier? Are you sure he "finished" too? I mean, if we had sex and you came and then didn't want anything more to do with me, without me having climaxed yet, I'd be pretty weird about it too....

i mean, he came, and we both layed down and then a few minutes later he was wanting to go again.

[LONDONER]

I said the safe word over and over and kept saying i was being serious but he didn't even acknowledge what i was saying. i started getting freaked out because he wouldn't stop so i tried to move out from under him while telling him repeatedly to stop and the safe word, etc. still, nothing. he kept moving me back so i tried pushing him off me and kicking him off me but he was just looking at me emotionless and he wouldn't stop. finally i just gave up and layed still and didnt make another sound.

A safe word is a safe word and should be sacrosanct. To have broken that trust is unforgivable and you should break off the relationship immediately. You never know whehn he will do the same thing again and maybe with more serious consequences.

[guy398964]

It was sexual assault, no doubt about it.

[Drew02]

It IS a big deal.
You ARE NOT being a big baby.
And I don't give a rat's ass how nice he was afterwards, YOU SAID NO.

My partner and I also have a D/s relationship. I'm the "D" - and I have thought seriously about everything you said and it makes me furious. There are no circumstances under which his behavior is acceptable. The whole basis of a D/s relationship is that the "s" is always in control. Sexually, I dominate my partner to the extent that HE allows.
You were raped.
You need help with this. I would urge you to look for resources, I'm sure there are online sites, where you can discuss this with others who have suffered sexual assault.
I guess what I'm trying to do here is validate your feelings.
I'm headed out on a climb, and will be back early on Sunday. If you want to talk about this with someone who is in a D/s relationship, PM me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You used the agreed upon safe-word, that safe-word is no and means no. If he continued doing stuff when you said no, then sex ceased being consensual and started being something not altogether nice.

The problem is that most courts have no idea what BDSM is all about, and pursuing this sort of case in a courtroom requires a very talented lawyer who understands BDSM and can educate the court, the jury, etc. Thus when this sort of situation happens it rarely goes through the judicial system.

On top of that, most people (vanilla sort) think its part of scene, and appear to have no idea of understanding that the safe-word takes the place of 'No' and no always means no.

My Second did a similar thing to me, and this was about a month before he threw the first punch.

Along side of not accepting the safe-word and stopping, he also was doing verbal abuse outside of scene and other things which in retrospect were alarm bells telling me that he was an abusive person. At the time I didn't see it as abuse, I had excuses for his behavior - he was stressed out with work - that was a real handy excuse for me to use to explain away lots of shit.

I want for you to sit there and seriously consider the other areas of your life with this person. If you find yourself coming up with excuses for behaviors of his in other areas that are even remotely abusive, I strongly urge you to get out now.

#2 started out with verbal/emotional abuse, then broke the bond of trust in scene, that lead shortly to his hitting me. The cycle of abuse usually goes along this sort of line, it sneaks up on you, they slowly reveal the monster inside. Each step we allow them to get away with taking a step they get bolder and more nasty.

You need to seriously consider if this is what is happening your relationship.

I fear I have read of a terrible trend of the modern era where BDSM and the internet has lead to a new generation of abusers who hide being the label of 'Master/Dom'. They use BDSM to get their chits and giggles, use it as an excuse to do their abusing.

Used to be a Dom/Master earned his hat through being a slave/sub for a number of years. There was real training back in the day. Now days too many young guys are claiming this title without paying their dues and this is leading to a lot of misuse and abuse.

I would suspect this is not just a one off thing. If he has any knowledge about BDSM, which clearly if there was an agreed upon safe-word to begin with he has sufficient knowledge here, then I personally see no excuse other than he is an abuse/rapist mentality who is using the power he has to cause harm.

I'm very, very sorry for you.

I offer a

I also strongly urse you to seek out some sort of counseling/therapy to deal with the issues this most likely has presented for you.

I would also strongly suggest that if you stay with this fella, that you take special care to not place yourself at his full mercy again. And be on the lookout for other signs of abuser mentality.