Sex after third dating

[Timur]

Hi there!

I've been dating with one guy almost a week, and on the third dating, yesterday, he proposed to spend night with him. He is pretty and cool, I love him and seems I'm attracting him too. But when I was chatting with him before dating, I've said that I need strong, long and serious relationships. He said that he is loking for and wants it too.

I think that it is a little bit early to sleep with him after third dating. But I afraid that if I'll say 'let's wait a little bit', I'll distance him what I don't want definitely. Conversely I want too get us more closer. But what to do? Maybe I'm so serious, and should accept his propose? Will after it our rapport become stronger?

Well, you know, here is a big problem to find a guy for relationship, most of gays are looking for one-time sex. I don't want such kind of experience, don't want to involved to this (in my opinion) dirty process. But at the same time I pretty understand that sex is the main part of relatioships, it is one of ways to show your love, connect each other and so on. I like it, I always want it. But I think not sex should hold relationships. At the same time, maybe three dating are enough for it, or no? Shortly, I afraid to be used just for sex, but at the same time don't want to look like 'saint wall'.

I'm very confused. Please share your opinions, advices and own experience.

Sorry for my English, hope I wrote the post understable :-)

Thank you!

[Camfer]

Sex after the third date is acceptable for many, but really, that is not the point. You can express your interest in him and tell him you want to know him a little more before jumping into bed with him. If he really likes you he will respect that. You have to take it at your own pace. How much longer until you think you might be comfortable sleeping with him?

[50Plus]

Hi Timur, and welcome.

Three dates in one week - WOW. That is good.

There are no rules, but it might be pretty fast. It is your body, so you should decide when to share it. If you think it is a 'dirty process' then you should wait.

Love and relationships are more than having sex. A really good loving relationship may have very little sex.

You could see what his reaction is if you say that you want to wait. If waiting distances him, then all he wanted was one-time sex, and you do not want that. Is that correct?

[Timur]

Sex after the third date is acceptable for many, but really, that is not the point. You can express your interest in him and tell him you want to know him a little more before jumping into bed with him. If he really likes you he will respect that. You have to take it at your own pace. How much longer until you think you might be comfortable sleeping with him?

You know, there is no specific time limit, it's just about feeling to be ready, or to feel that it is time to... take next step of relationships. It could be come after a week, or during one month. I don't know, actually. No I'm just in doubt whether we have future, or in these days we even will understand that we can't be together.

[Timur]

Love and relationships are more than having sex. A really good loving relationship may have very little sex.

You could see what his reaction is if you say that you want to wait. If waiting distances him, then all he wanted was one-time sex, and you do not want that. Is that correct?

Yes, you understand absolutely clearly. I just don't want to be used for one-time sex, and still not sure in him -- maybe he is one that gay which I'm trying to avoid, maybe he is not and he really want serious relationships. It's hard to determine it after three datings.


I totally agree with you that 'love and relationships are more than having sex.'

[CellarDweller]

I wouldn't have sex with a guy after just three dates, but that's just me. Everyone has their own standards and behaviors.

As long as you aren't forced into anything, and you are safe, then it's really no one else's business but yours.

would you be comfortable in the situation? Could you be happy afterward? Those are important.

As for being used as a 'one night', that is a risk. You've both expressed your feelings, he says it's not a one night thing. It depends on if he is telling the truth, and if you trust him.

[Drew02]

Has there been any physical contact so far? Kissing, hugging, touching? Does it feel like you two have chemistry, do you flirt a lot?
I'm asking because I would feel a bit put off if someone I just started dating said before a date that he wanted sex that night.
I mean, if the 2 of you are together and things are getting hot and sex happens, that's cool. Spontaneous.
I guess I'm going to go with don't do it because it seems obvious that you aren't comfortable with it. Having sex because you're afraid the guy might leave if you don't - having sex for ANY reason except that you completely want to at the moment - will do more harm than good in the long run.

[Borg69]

I think you should pick what feels right for YOU, and stick to your convictions/morals. There's going to be times where guys don't want to wait, and there's going to be times where they'll disappear after the sex, but in the long run you'll feel better about yourself if you do what feels right for YOU. If they can't respect you enough to wait until you're ready, they're not someone you want in your life anyway.

[TwisttheLeaf]

In my opinion, if you feel it's too soon... then it's too soon.

It could be just that you need a little more time. It -could- be that some internal instinct is telling you to be cautious and take your time for some reason. Either way, you should listen to your instincts and feelings on the matter and not push yourself into something you're not quite ready for.

If the guy is really interested in something serious and long term? Then he won't balk at a bit more wait time before you guys have sex.

[happyschizoid]

If you're not comfortable, don't. If he pressures you he may be the wrong guy. Giving in under pressure sends the signal that he can control you.