Do most gay men always look for someone "better"?

[Borg69]

What I'm trying to say is that men are shallow. But maybe straight men are at least subject to social "rules" which dictate what isn't acceptable. Whether that's good or bad if up to the individual

Women used to call the shots, and if men wanted to get laid they had to play be the women's rules. Gay men could learn from them and stick to some standards/morals of their own.

[Camfer]

I would caution you not to take your personal experience with some gay men and then generalize it to all gay men do ______________. Where are you encountering these people? Are there other avenues you can explore? I think there's an opportunity for you to meet guys in other scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Where are you encountering these people? Are there other avenues you can explore? I think there's an opportunity for you to meet guys in other scenarios.

Online, out & about, playing tennis, etc. Idk where else to try except the gym but that would likely be more appearance driven types so probably not the best "avenue". If you're gay it pays to be an extrovert and regular social butterfly. If you aren't then meeting new people (as unfortunately is a near constant "need") is far tougher to do.

I would think a lot of guys would be sick of "the hunt."

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I have only been with 8 men willingly... And 6 were honest attempts (by me at least) at relationships.

Mind I did stop going to bars around age 28, which was 4 years after I came out and started going to gay bars.... Mostly because I strongly feel that bars are about alcohol and drinking and the idea that people are going to walk up to me and break the flow of alcohol to my liver with offers of sex got annoying....

The other reason is because bars are not a good place to meet people for anything other than hook-ups and drinking....

So, where are you finding your experiences? Bars? Grind'r? If so perhaps you need to look at where you are looking and consider that as being the problem, not homosexuality.

Understand, most 'good boys' who don't do the casual sex thing do not hang out at places where players are found. You need to start figuring out where we are hidden (we are everywhere actually) and try to coax us out of our hiding places....

Good luck.

[ExpatBrit77]

My experience is fairly widespread. Despite being very shy I make the effort to go to every party I am invited to, I go to the gym several times a week, I work with a fairly large amount of gay guys. To be honest I generally find that guys either put me instantly in the friends category (which then never becomes anything else) or aren't even willing to engage in small talk. Once I met a guy at a party and was just chatting to him, not because I wanted to get with him but because I was merely being polite. He promptly told me that I was wasting my time because I'm "not (his) type"....
The problem is made worse by the fact that the gay scene where I am is either twinks or bears. If you're sonewhere in the middle there isn't an awful lot if avenues for you to meet someone.

Please note my post is absolutely not a pity party, just trying to clarify where I have encountered these guys. I'm quite sure that not all guys are like that, but your self esteem gets quite bruised when you get this time after time.

[Buzzer]

Once I met a guy at a party and was just chatting to him, not because I wanted to get with him but because I was merely being polite. He promptly told me that I was wasting my time because I'm "not (his) type"....

This actually made me a bit mad reading it because it was so rude of him to say that.

It is true that there are a lot of guys who think that if they're interacting with other gay guys, the only possible motivation to do so is sexual interest, and if you aren't hot to them, they aren't interested in anything at all. It's rude but I guess, trying to be objective about it, they're saving you the time and wasted effort of investing anything at all or any more of your time in such a shallow person.

[ExpatBrit77]

Tell me about it! I was so furious that I nearly slapped him. Then you have the guys who claim to be my friends but are quite happy to dump me on an evening out because some hottie is giving them the eye. I was at one point ready to cease all sicial contact with gay guys, luckily I snapped out of that as I realised that would be very counter productive lol.

[Anonymous]

but your self esteem gets quite bruised when you get this time after time.

Yes! You have to have such a tough exterior to survive "the hunt" that it's difficult not to let yourself become bitter. I am close to that....or maybe just cynical about dating - let alone love. I'm so confused at this point I'm not even sure what most guys are truly looking for any more.

I think there's a more "practical" matter about sex roles that makes a lot of difference too but that merits a thread of it's own so I won't even go into it here.

[East]

I find that with everyone who insists something is wrong with "everyone else"...if you hang around long enough you will find the REAL problem
(Psssst...it isn't everyone else )

[Wade]

I've quoted this joke before, but it's constantly relevant:

"I finally figured out my type: it's me, but better! Which is terrible news because that means I need to find someone who's type is himself but worse." - Simon Amstell, gay comic