Do most gay men always look for someone "better"?

[Buzzer]

I find this very interesting, quite telling and very relevant to this thread....

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=467588#post467588

Whaaa..? Not sure what you mean.

[East]

It's great how it's assumed I don't do anything to "improve myself" and that is "the problem"!! I am actually fairly nice looking, 5'11", 162, athletic and fit. So, no, I am not ugly or fat and that's why I've made the "observations" starting this thread.

All you people who say "if you love someone", etc you don't judge only by appearance. Of course not. You must get TO the point of knowing someone before you can love them. I try very hard in relationships and NEVER throw ANY away when there's only "a bump in the road."

It's easy to say it's ME (or any other poster who sees some truth in my observations) that's the problem but that just ignores the reality that's out there because in your "reality" you see it differently. I experience the ageism in the gay community all the time AND see it AND hear others mention it (& their lack of partners). But, of course all these people must be just the unattractive shallow ones who aren't nice people and thus aren't in relationships right? It couldn't be shyness or them not having opportunities for people to get to know them, etc. could it?

This attitude that people aren't happy with themselves is why they're not in relationships is absurd. There are plenty of perfectly nice guys who have difficulties getting dates, partners, etc due to just not fitting the gay stereotype, not being perfect enough, not being the right weight, or tall enough, or having a great job or being extroverts - NOT that there's something wrong with them!

I am dying to ask...if there are so many "nice guys" and the stereotypes are the reason you are all alone ...why don't all you "nice guys" find each other and spend the rest of your lives bitching about all the rest of us stereotypes?

[Anonymous]

Who's bitching? Just calling it as I see it. Never said that was the reason I was alone - or even that I was alone. If you think gay men are not obsessed with appearance idk what planet you are living on.

How's this: my observation is baseless and I am the real problem. End of thread/discussion. Is that better?

[East]

Who's bitching? Just calling it as I see it. Never said that was the reason I was alone - or even that I was alone. If you think gay men are not obsessed with appearance idk what planet you are living on.

How's this: my observation is baseless and I am the real problem. End of thread/discussion. Is that better?

NO...I do NOT think "gay men" are obsessed with appearance...I do think SOME GAY MEN are obsessed with appearance. So are SOME straight men.

Beauty is subjective....period.

I am calling it like I see it too....your problem is your attitude.....someone needs to tell you. Most people with an attitude problem are convinced it is everyone else who has the problem.....

I worked in a fucking gay bar for 20 years..five days a week...so I know a thing or two about gay men and their habits...and there are far more gay men who are NOT about appearance...but the ones who bitch about it the most are often the ones who want into the appearance club and can't find the fucking door.

[Anonymous]

Attitude?!? YOU & memechose are the only ones who have interjected "attitude" into the thread. Interesting you both have also insinuated that I must not be attractive which accounts for my observation!? So MY appearance determines the validity or accuracy of my observation/opinion?

I see/know/know of "far more gay men who are about appearance..." so there ya go. What can I tell you? WHY so hostile to such an observation anyway?

[East]

Attitude?!? YOU & memechose are the only ones who have interjected "attitude" into the thread. Interesting you both have also insinuated that I must not be attractive which accounts for my observation!? So MY appearance determines the validity or accuracy of my observation/opinion?

I see/know/know of "far more gay men who are about appearance..." so there ya go. What can I tell you? WHY so hostile to such an observation anyway?

Why? Because I got stuck listening to people like you all the time complaining about what was wrong with everyone else and I had to pretend I didn't know the real problem was the person talking to me.

I don't have to pretend anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well thank me for providing you an opportunity to vent your true feelings. I was a bartender for 25 years myself....not in gay bars so thankfully I didn't have to listen to stupid faggots and pretend anything.

[East]

Well thank me for providing you an opportunity to vent your true feelings. I was a bartender for 25 years myself....not in gay bars so thankfully I didn't have to listen to stupid faggots and pretend anything.

I LOVED bartending in gay bars because most of the people were great...and they added a lot to and enriched my journey in life. I felt privileged to know many of them for one reason or another.

I certainly never referred to any of them as "stupid fa**ots" but I am not surprised that you would use those words.

There are just as many straight people who sound like you. Bitterness isn't reserved for gay people.

[Anonymous]

See, you were correct then. I am an awful person and gay men aren't obsessed with the gym, their hair, their abs, fashion, etc. It's all an evil illusion concocted by straight people. I only SEE it every day in the gay neighborhood I live in.

Oh yeah, but I'm only a wanna-be attractive person so cannot have a valid viewpoint. And if you're gay you can't point out any negative aspects of the gay community.

[Virge]

Attitude?!? YOU & memechose are the only ones who have interjected "attitude" into the thread. Interesting you both have also insinuated that I must not be attractive which accounts for my observation!? So MY appearance determines the validity or accuracy of my observation/opinion?

I see/know/know of "far more gay men who are about appearance..." so there ya go. What can I tell you? WHY so hostile to such an observation anyway?

Since I've been named out for offering my own observations here we go...
I'm not going to go back and try to defend myself against accusations of saying things I didn't say in an earlier post but here's >> a link to it so one and all can go back and see that I didn't cut down anyone for their appearance or throw my vote for pretty people. Please take time to fact check me on that.

Let's talk about the facts of life about some other subjects.

When you buy a car do you go out looking for one that's beat up with a burned out engine and slick tires?

When you're traveling do you stay in a hotel with crack heads standing out front and broken windows patched with duct tape?

When was the last time you bought a shirt because it's sleeves were sewn on crooked or a pair of pants 50 years out of style?

Do you ever pick up one for sex because you felt sorry for them for being dirty?

How much would you pay for a couch that had been slightly damaged in a shot gun murder?

APPEARANCES MATTER TO EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES.
Get over it. Accept it. Get with the flow of reality if you want to participate.
If you wish for reality to wait for you to catch up you're going to be disappointed.
Being bitter about the way reality works is counterproductive.

But it's not always like that....
Sometimes internal qualities and potential are so powerful they outshine appearance.

I have a school buddy I'll call Eddie who's had five operations on his legs since since age ten just to get him able to walk with canes. He stutters and is only five feet tall. His boyfriend of four years thinks he's perfect. On the inside Eddie is perfect. He's never once complained about his disabilities or the things he can't do. They skydived for the first time the first week of June and want to do it again. He can get on a horse without help, refuses to use handicapped walkways just to do the steps. He teaches school and umpires baseball games. Eddie believes he can do anything and THAT makes him formidable to me and other who know him.

It's hard for me to not think about Eddie when I read stuff like this thread. To be honest I'd be embarrassed for him to read some of the things that have been said here.

I'm done.