Rewriting The Scripts...

[Adam]

Last night I was at my best friend's house. His husband is out of town for work and his son was sick, an I was trying to help by getting his other child bathed and into bed. I called my BF and said that I'd be about an hour late getting home. He hung up on me before I could explain why.

We're in couples therapy, and our therapist has been talking about the need to rewrite our old scripts. She says that we need to identify conversations that seem to happen over and over with no resolution, and find positive ways to alter the dialogue.

So I walked in, and my BF started with, Maybe you'd be happier if I just left, you could spend all your time with him. Is that what you want, for me to leave? Threatening to leave is his go-to response whenever I do something he doesn't like. The way it's supposed to work is, I'm supposed to tell him that of course I don't want him to leave, and on and on - but I was exhausted and stressed, and what I said was, I really don't give a shit. And walked away.

A few minutes later he came up to me and said, You didn't really mean that, right? You're just trying to...rewrite the script?

And we looked at each other and I don't know why, but we both started laughing and all of a sudden it was all good. So
this thread isn't about anything much, just that things have been so difficult between us for so long that it was amazing to have a moment when we were so perfectly in tune.

[lauj]

yay I'm happy for you guys

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What is good is that he realized you were using therapist suggestions... Which means he is listening and is wanting to resolve whatever.

[Borg69]

Damn. Is he really that insecure and controlling/manipulative?

[Adam]

Damn. Is he really that insecure and controlling/manipulative?

Yep. And I'm obstinate, bad tempered and cranky --- we're a match made in Heaven lol -

We're a work in progress. And it's worth it.

[Adam]

What is good is that he realized you were using therapist suggestions... Which means he is listening and is wanting to resolve whatever.

Um...no...

Thanks for ascribing mature and well thought out motives to me. But no --- at the moment I said it, I meant it absolutely. And he realized that something had shifted, which is why he said what he did instead of going batshit.

We're a work in progress. And your Elf-Intuition about us is entirely correct.

[MikeW]

You spoke your truth in that moment; can that also be considered rewriting the script?

[East]

I love it when situations and people evolve...very happy for both of you!

[Adam]

You spoke your truth in that moment; can that also be considered rewriting the script?

I never thought about that, but yes, I guess it can. I wish we had gone into therapy years ago instead of waiting until Bowyn rubbed our noses in our own stupidity.

[Borg69]

I'd like to congratulate you.

I think you're one of the first I've seen on any boards whom did actually go to a therapist for their problems instead of:

1. Continually whining about their problems not seeking help.
2. Half assed try to tackle it on their own (and failing).
3. Willing to admit some fault in the situation.
4. Just walk away from the relationship thinking a fresh start will be different.

I'm glad this isn't you...