The Gay World

[HumbleTangerine]

There are numerous stereotypes about homosexual men. If you disregard the flamboyant thing there are still plenty of prejudices left regarding promiscuity and superficiality; the kind of stuff you hear over and over.

Recently I'm beginning to realize that these generalized ideas are upheld not only by heterosexual homophobes, but also a lot of gay people themselves. Recently I've been talking to this gay guy I met on a site sort of like Gayspeak but for Swedish people only. He's 25 and after we had seen each other a few times he started dropping comments like "I wish I had come out at your age, I feel like I've missed so much", to which I obviously replied "Well, you're 25. You have many years of youth left, isn't it a bit too early to hit a mid-life crisis?"

He went silent for a while and then said "In the gay world, I went from youth to middle-age years ago". This made me think because it's not the first time I hear similar sentiments. Whether it be at a gay bar, or just walking past a pride parade, whenever I meet other gay guys aged 25-30 they somehow hint at feeling old already. I also remember when I registered on the aforementioned site (with more than 100 000 Swedish LGBT users) at 16 I would get 20+ messages every day from men in their 40's and 50's enquiring about sex. It got so bad I had to delete my account in disgust. I mentioned this phenomenon in a conversation with my ex (at 18) and he told me that a lot of gay Swedish teens apparently use the site for hook-ups, but once they turn 20 or so interest in them, even as nothing but sexual objects, begins to kind of fade.

Of course there are many exceptions, but apparently a farily substantial amount of gay men seem to fetishize the teenage body even as they grow into their middle ages and beyond. At the same time there's a substantial amount of gay teens who place ridiculously high demands on appearance; expecting their partners and one-night-stands to look like boytoys taken out of a porn flick.

Does this fairly cynical perception of the gay world match anybody else's view? I'm not saying I agree full-heartedly or anything but it bothers me when there appears to be a phenomenon that makes perfectly handsome and young 25-year olds feel too old to be desirable. That makes men feel like they lose the only purpose of existence with the decay of their bodies. That makes men fetishize bodies that are yet to be legal. I can't help but wonder how the guy I've been seeing will feel in 15 years.

I've always been sort of distanced from the idea that youth has to necessarily be the best part of life, since I enjoy so many things in the world that aren't related to the condition of my body. I can't even imagine the angst I would face in a few decades if I only saw my value as a sexual object...

[Adam]

Do you think that the youth and beauty craze is confined to the gay world? Because I see it among my straight friends to an alarming degree. I think that it's a culture that both gays and straights get swept up in. I have a straight friend who's 27, and he's getting botox and considering liposuction. I saw a segment on a news program about what's being called "manscaping", and the guys being interviewed were all straight.

I completely agree with your thoughts about rejecting the idea is that life ends at 20. 19 was great, 25 is even better, can't wait to see what comes next.

[HumbleTangerine]

Do you think that the youth and beauty craze is confined to the gay world? Because I see it among my straight friends to an alarming degree. I think that it's a culture that both gays and straights get swept up in. I have a straight friend who's 27, and he's getting botox and considering liposuction. I saw a segment on a news program about what's being called "manscaping", and the guys being interviewed were all straight.

I completely agree with your thoughts about rejecting the idea is that life ends at 20. 19 was great, 25 is even better, can't wait to see what comes next.

I know youth and beauty craze is a general phenomenon, but I've never personally encountered the idea that heterosexual men regard 24-25 year old women as too old or vice versa. Some of the gay men I've met act as though their lives are essentially over at 25, and I've never seen or heard of a heterosexual person do the same at the same age. But maybe it's common and I never personally experienced it, I don't know.

[Aike]

My only contact to "the gay world" is this forum. And it seems pretty nice to me. Don't break my bubble D:

[Cuddly]

I think it's crazy.
Every body is beautiful, in its own way. The scars, pimples, freckles, fat, stretchmarks, moles, hairing and wrinkles are just the traits that make the individual body unique, and thus desireable as a type.
Some like gingers. Some like fats. Some like skinnes. Some like musclestuds. Some think freckles are cute. Some think freckles are childish.

Some people just need to reevaluate what makes them desireable as an individual. If you're just another young sixpacked douche, what makes you think you're more desireable than the next young sixpached douche? There certainly are plenty of those.

And men look best 35+, so let's not worry about aging. Rawr. Woof? Miaw.

My only contact to "the gay world" is this forum. And it seems pretty nice to me. Don't break my bubble D:

Awww ... *cuddled*

[Muceti]

Our society especially today tend to give a great importance to superficiality, whether you are gay or straight. I've been frequenting diverse sites and all I see are the subgroups based on appearance that gays have created between fem, twinks, bears, tops or bottoms. Apparently as you say age has its importance as well, perhaps is the most important thing here.
Unfortunately all of that tend to trigger discriminations, and I think the gay "community" (I dislike that word) might be the most discriminatory one. Hiding under the paragon of preference, they discriminate each other by sometimes referring and categorizing people as skinnyfags; Blacks and Asians are sometimes systematically shunned for instance.
I don't say that having preferences is discriminatory; I have preferences as well as everybody does. But sometimes I have the impression that the threshold between having preferences and being discriminatory is extremely thin.
And even though you have preferences, is it rare to find an exception to your standards? I think people miss a lot by shunning different groups of people, be it with age, ethnicity or anything.

[MikeW]

The club scene is not "the gay world." Perhaps if you're 25 and have been candyflipping your whole life, that's all you know and so, it seems that way.

I do know that when I turned 25, for the first time I began to see college age 'kids' as, well, kids. Its when I knew I was 'growing up', 'getting older'. But still 25 is NOT old by any stretch of the imagination. There are MANY truly hot and sought after men who are 20+ years beyond that number. He just needs to change his experiential 'demographic' of "the gay world".

[CellarDweller]

Gay people are not 'youth obsessed', people in general are youth obsessed.

I have no idea why, my life has been getting better as I've gotten older.

[50Plus]

He's 25 and after we had seen each other a few times he started dropping comments like "I wish I had come out at your age, I feel like I've missed so much", to which I obviously replied "Well, you're 25. You have many years of youth left, isn't it a bit too early to hit a mid-life crisis?"

He went silent for a while and then said "In the gay world, I went from youth to middle-age years ago".
Whether it be at a gay bar, or just walking past a pride parade, whenever I meet other gay guys aged 25-30 they somehow hint at feeling old already.

I'm not saying I agree full-heartedly or anything but it bothers me when there appears to be a phenomenon that makes perfectly handsome and young 25-year olds feel too old to be desirable.

I've always been sort of distanced from the idea that youth has to necessarily be the best part of life, since I enjoy so many things in the world that aren't related to the condition of my body.

In all honesty, he did go from youth to middle age. The years of 15 - 25 are critical to one's development - more so for men than women. They are the carefree times when you are exploring alcohol, drugs, rock and roll, politics, sex, sexuality and everything else that sets you up for the rest of your life.

25 is also the time when most are finished university and are getting their feet planted in the employment world. It also starts kicking in the actions to find that mate, settle down, etc.. Not everyone does this, some resist and either never grow up but follow an alternate path to the future (travel, etc.)

But it is widespread and has been tracked by demographers and social scientists.

What many experience around that age (for women it can be pushed back in to the 30's) is not that they are less desirable. Its that they now need to grow up and start living an adult life. That is a horrid thought for those at that age. I got engaged, disengaged and traveled to Australia when I was 25.

What you may be seeing is merely a bandaid or a mask over what the real problem is - growing up. That thought scares the shit out of so many.

The older - younger attraction you mentioned has nothing to do with this. That is just sad.

[Jake]

Let me give you a perfect example how age seems to matter most than look. If I give you a picture of myself you will have a hard time guessing my age, I'm 38, but if I shave and dress properly you'd never give me that age. Why? Because I trained, I keep myself in shape, but I'm also naturally young looking. My husband Alex is turning 28 and I'm starting to look younger than he is already. I look very young all year long and it's not my doing. But if I tell in a website how o;d I am you can be sure my popularity will immediately go down right away. They don't care how I look, they care about the number and that's where it puzzles me because at 38 I don't look 38 one can remove 15 years from my face and yet they'll still categorize me as being ancient for the number that is attached to me. Honestly though I don't feel ancient, Alex doesn't make me feel I'm ancient and my body doesn't feel ancient, in fact I wish those 18 smooth to be like I am when they'll reach my age lol.