skin color

[Anonymous]

Hey its Lauj I just wanted to see how this anonymously thing worked. Anyways I'm kind of sad to say this but the color of people's skin does make a difference when I'm dating. I'm not racist (wow that doesn't sound racist at all) but there are certain race that I'm not into. I might find them handsome but not sexually attracted. Its like they are not my type but than they become more of a friend status.

[ChadCoxRox]

Overcoming racism begins with recognizing it. The most damaging is the covert, not the overt.
To be honest, coming from a racist, homophobic, violent background, our attractions stem from our perceptions which stem from our beliefs and values. If we do not value something we are not attracted to it but more importantly we must believe in something as valuable to us to be attracted to it. So, racism (being intrinsic to a race in power) plays a particularly important role in defining our attractions. Learning about that and growing from it has led me to much broader attractions and appreciations in time.

[MisterLove]

I'm a Latino and I love dating guys from different ethnic groups. I love Asians but Africans are my favorite 'race'.

[Virge]

I'm as midwest whitebread as possible. My guy is half Polynesian with a deep complexion, darker than Latino. So what? If I get bored with him I'll just dye him another color.

[Buzzer]

Overcoming racism begins with recognizing it. The most damaging is the covert, not the overt.

That's important. I think the mainstream's dictionary picture of racism is someone lynching a black person or something. I think it's important to 'own up' the fact that none of us (of any color really) are 'not racist.' We all come from societies that teach (formally or informally) racialized ideas about who is better... smarter... more likely to be a criminal... etc. Anytime we have a tendency to feel like a certain behavior is 'more natural' or 'not as surprising' once we learn the race of the person in question, we're still engaging in those ideas we've been taught, even if we'd never actually go out and fire somebody or refuse to speak to somebody because of their race.

And I think the part that sometimes really stumps people who aren't of color is, most people of color in the first world were raised in the same societies sending out the same message as white people received... so you have internalized racism (sometimes in academia it's called "internal colonization" where a traditionally less privileged group accepts/is taught to agree with certain assumptions about their own inferiority or another group's superiority) too. (That's why it's particularly annoying when people mention a prejudice and say "even my black friend agrees.." as if that means it can't be an example of prejudice, when a black person may suffer just as much from racialized ideas as a white person.)

It's common for people from small minority groups in a bigger mainstream made up of a different group to not consider their own group attractive... and that isn't because there's some universal, measurable science to one race being more attractive than another. It's because that person probably grew up in a lifetime of magazine models, actors and images of people modelling underwear that all represented the dominant group, and rarely anyone who looked like them. What's the unspoken message there? "These people are attractive." What's the unspoken implication there? "People who look differently aren't as widely appealing, or we'd use them as models." Those all go into influencing what we find attractive.

We all experience this programming to some degree, so the simple fact that you did doesn't make you at all a bad person. And it's definitely possible to lean strongly towards certain traits or features which may show up more prominently in some groups and not so much in others. I think the important part is just to keep questioning why you might find yourself simply "not interested", "not attracted", or "not friends with" as many people of certain groups as others, question where that's coming from, and challenge it.

The most racist people are not people who got up one day and simply decided to be racist. They were just people who simply never saw any reason to challenge anything at all they'd ever heard, been told, or grew up with when it came to viewing other people-- or chose to never do so.

[ChadCoxRox]

I think your last three sentences are profound statements. I likey. mmmm

[Edward]

I'm Caucasian and I know I could never date black man. Nothing personal, I just don't find black-skinned men attractive.

[lauj]

woo okay sorry lol... what I meant was how some people like guys with red hair and some guys like hairy guys. Its more of a preference is what I'm trying to say, if that makes sense I didn't mean to piss anyone off and if I did, deal with it... just kidding. but if I did I apologize

[Buzzer]

woo okay sorry lol... what I meant was how some people like guys with red hair and some guys like hairy guys. Its more of a preference is what I'm trying to say, if that makes sense I didn't mean to piss anyone off and if I did, deal with it... just kidding. but if I did I apologize

I'm not 100% sure if this was directed to me or everyone but I wasn't in the least bit offended. I think it's an important discussion that our community doesn't have often enough considering how much we "creep around the subject in the middle of the room" sometimes.

[lauj]

I'm not 100% sure if this was directed to me or everyone but I wasn't in the least bit offended. I think it's an important discussion that our community doesn't have often enough considering how much we "creep around the subject in the middle of the room" sometimes.

I don't really know who I was directing it too, I do that sometimes, I don't think clearly before I say something or read too carefully. I sorta just skimmed it and I was like "oh crap everyone thinks I'm a racist" lol.