past year

[Anonymous]

Here are my dating tribulations during the past year:

I signed up on okcupid, pof, and a4a to try "dating" again.

First, I met the Pharmacist. We chatted, texted, and talked on the phone quite a bit. Afterwards, I suggested to meet up over just coffee. Somehow, he was "always" busy and couldn't find the time. After a couple of weeks, I got the picture and stopped all communications. If someone can't find the time to meet over "coffee," what about when it's more than "coffee."

Secondly, I met the Disney Fan. Recent transplant after moving from Chicago. Met up for a dinner date. Post date texting, he told me that he doesn't date bisexual men. Even though it was stated on my profile. A blessing in disguise that it DIDN'T work out.

The third guy I met was the Assistant. Once again, we chatted up a bit. Planned to meet up over coffee. Sadly, on that particular day, work beckoned and he couldn't meet up. That night and in a moment of weakness-random texting eventually led to hooking up nsa. He asked for a round 2 but I declined.

The fourth guy I met was the Caregiver. Incredibly awesome first 2 dates! While in the getting to know you stage, his unnerving personality ended up becoming the deal breaker. Several more dates ensued for 6 weeks; even though the sex was good, I couldn't get over the personality and knew it wasn't working. Shortly thereafter, I told him that it was not going to work and please leave me alone.

The fifth guy I met was the Technician. Once again, we chatted up a bit and ended up meeting for a movie. Once the movie finished, I offered to get some dinner. Instead, he was more horny than hungry. We nixed dinner and hooked up instead. In the end, it was just a one-night stand. C'est la vie.

The last guy I met was the Medic. We chatted up a bit and ended meeting up for coffee. Over the course of 2 months, our plethora of dates ranged from the movies, to hiking, to the beach, etc. We hung out before/after the dates at his place. One of the most memorable moments was him playing the acoustic guitar and singing U2's "With or Without You." I ended up spending several nights there. Initially, I slept in the guest room. It took about a month before our first kiss. We kissed while watching Game of Thrones. I quoted Ygritte and Jon Snow: "you are mine and I am yours." Shortly thereafter, we started sleeping together. Additionally, the dates no longer just happened on the weekend but during the weekdays as well. Eventually, I ended up spending half the week at his place. In just over 2 months and nearing Valentines, I sent him a card acknowledging that "this" was a good thing. Obviously, I missed the signals because afterwards, I didn't hear from him. Ironically, a week after I mailed that card, I ended up having a business trip nearby his place. I was physically closest to him and felt the most emotionally distant in that week.

Which leads to the present. Here I am back to square one. It took quite a while to get over the Medic because I thought there was something there; when realistically, there wasn't something there in the first place.

[Bluelight]

What they say is true, there's a lot of fish in the sea, but what they don't tell you is that gay fish are rare finds. Good gay fish (or in other words, the ones that aren't just screwing around) are even harder to find, and good gay fish that go for your hook... well, I don't know the stats, but I know that it's pretty damn low.

I don't have much advice to give, but best of luck.

[Borg69]

You didn't state what criteria you're using to pick these guys.

Who's hottest? Who says yes? Who has a pulse?

Perhaps you've left out a ton of details, but it sounds like you're just randomly bumper car-ing from one guy to the next hoping one sticks. How are you weeding these guys out? What do you have in common?

And, IMO, you're relying WAY too heavily on internet sites. Go hang out in gay places. You're trying to find a BF, not order a pizza. Get out there and look, AND be seen. If you don't find him, he'll find you.

[trywait]

Chalk it up as being part of the "dating" process

[CellarDweller]

Chalk it up as being part of the "dating" process

you've got a lot of frogs to kiss, to find that prince

[MikeW]

I've read your report several times and each time I come away feeling 'there is something wrong with this picture'. I wish I could figure out exactly what it is. You're so very articulate and good at 'labeling' each guy. You also present this as being all about 'them', how they somehow don't meet your expectations or end up disappointing you in the end.

What is wrong with this picture? Anything, or am I just imagining something that isn't there? What's really going on with you? How are you feeling about your life, who you are as a person, your previous relationship(s), your being on your own now, and these prospects that never pan out? You don't give us much of a clue… and perhaps that in itself is a clue about what may be wrong with this picture.

I don't know. I'm partially guessing and partially basing this off having known hundreds of gay men at various times in my life. On having seen this kind of 'serial dating' that never seems to work out.

So, tell me, what's your place in this? Are you just the hapless victim of poor dating choices and prospects? What can you learn *about yourself* from these encounters?

Am I off the mark here? If so, my apologies.

[trywait]

you've got a lot of frogs to kiss, to find that prince

yes, what cellar dweller said!

[50Plus]

you've got a lot of frogs to kiss, to find that prince

My nickname growing up was Bullfrog. Any takers? Am puckered and waiting

[50Plus]

I had to go in and make sure that this was the same Anonymous with nearly 900 posts. Similar to MikeW's comments, something is not lining up with my perception of things.

It looks like you had a completely healthy and normal year. 6 new dates in one year. I should be so lucky (my average is one new date every 6 years).

The Medic did sound rather special. It should take some time. Life moves on. Soon it will be time to get back to dating.

Are you seeking more than a relationship in the men you date? Are you looking at having them provide something that you are lacking?

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with this picture? Anything, or am I just imagining something that isn't there? What's really going on with you? How are you feeling about your life, who you are as a person, your previous relationship(s), your being on your own now, and these prospects that never pan out?

I don't know. I'm partially guessing and partially basing this off having known hundreds of gay men at various times in my life. On having seen this kind of 'serial dating' that never seems to work out.

So, tell me, what's your place in this? Are you just the hapless victim of poor dating choices and prospects? What can you learn *about yourself* from these encounters?

Am I off the mark here? If so, my apologies.

Let's focus and narrow it down to the Caregiver, the Technician, and the Medic.

This may seem graphic but after meeting the Technician, I realized I wasn't a size queen. The Caregiver had a bigger dick than me. In turn, I had a bigger dick than the Technician. The sex was ten fold better with the Technician! He knew how to give a great blowjob, 69, and top/bottom position. Although, I was hoping for a round 2 with the Technician, he declined.

Although the Caregiver ended up "liking" me and I started to like him in return, it dawned on me how certain individuals were in a "relationship" just to be in a "relationship;" not content on being alone. I stopped it from progressing because over the span of the "getting to know you" stage, there were certain things he did that TOTALLY turned me off. Although, we were ethnically the same and shared some cultural traits; there were some cultural nuances that I abhorred.

For example, on one instance, I went to happy hour with my co-workers/friends. When I told the Caregiver about my meeting with friends he asked, "why didn't you ask me first?" In my head, I was like: "Look dickwad, I am no one's property and I DO NOT need your permission to hang out with my friends/co-worker." Verbally, my response was: "I'm telling you about my friends NOT because I was asking for permission to hang out with them, but to tell you about my time with them." There were two more instances that I did not appreciate. By the third instance, I had enough and ended it.

The Medic took me by complete surprise. First, it's because we didn't share our first kiss until three weeks after our first date. The Medic also kept me on my toes because I experienced things unlike my previous dates/relationships. Also, that night we first slept together felt surreal. After the first morning of waking up together and just lying in bed next to each other felt heavenly. Like, I genuinely enjoyed sleeping with him. The sex was also great! By the 2nd month, everything seemed to "fall" into place. Some of my fondest memories were just hanging out and cuddling on the sofa while watching Netflix.

During our first hike, he playfully flirted with me! And, one of our conversations was about going to a museum by one of his favorite authors. Additionally, we were both voracious readers! I never dated anyone who liked to read as much as the Medic. It's just that after I sent him that Valentine's day card, and expressed that I enjoyed our time together and that hopefully, it was the start of a good thing.

Like I previously mentioned, my assumption is that after he received the card he never responded to my texts/calls. I never received any more communication in the days following Feb14. Nothing, whatsoever! Complete silence. A friend of mine posted this online one day: "Once you feel you are being avoided by someone, never bother them again."

That was the proverbial "nail in the coffin." Soon after I read that post, I had no choice but to let go and move on.