Addendum To The Threesome Question...

[Anocxu]

Lol... I was winding down ..till i read this thread....
I know what i'll be doing tonight...
EVERYBODY!

[Undreamt]

Me and my partner were monogamous for 5 years before we went to open.
One of the best decisions we made.

all sorts of fun to be had and its benefited out relations.

[Steve]

It's funny how (for some of us) our viewpoints and ideas change about certain things as we grow older.

I was always the monogamous relationship kinda guy with concrete ideals/rules/constructs about how things "should" go...no ifs, ands, or buts, no compromising, etc.

After being in a relationship for five plus years now, that old mindset is basically thrown out of the window. When you really love and care about someone, it's not so easy be so cut and dry about everything. Part of the deal is compromising and tying to understand where your partner is coming from.

If my partner came to me and mentioned the idea of trying a threesome, I would first question what his intentions are, why he wants to do it, etc. just to be sure he's not wanting to jump into something like that for all the WRONG reasons.

At this point in my life, I can honestly say that I would not be opposed to it. But I wouldn't agree to such a thing until I'm sure we're both on the same page, and get all the "housekeeping" done beforehand. Threesome don't seem to be something just any couple can do well without having dead set rules on the table at the start.

tl:dr...your mindset about such things can (and sometimes WILL) change over time. I'm not opposed to the idea, but I will make some inquiries first.

This is sound, non judgmental, non possessive advice. It doesn't work for everyone. Nothing works for everyone (absolutes qualifying each other...I love that particular dynamic). I will add that if view points and attitudes don't change over time people becomes stagnant. Times change. People, one way or another, have to learn to adapt and change with them. Core beliefs may remain the same, but people really must allow for changing perspective as relationships grow.

(Adam) In fairness to Will, the dynamic here has less to do with jealousy than with re-establishing trust, and since I'm the one who was careless with that...well yeah, there's still some insecurity on his part I think. So yeah, as I've said, a work in progress.

I think you already have answered much of your own question there. It's difficult at the start (or near the beginning) of a relationship, when you're still building trust, to incorporate another body into the mix. Even if its only for one night.

For me, three is ALWAYS a crowd...

Sorry. I don't necessarily disagree with you darlin', but I tend to have a strong reaction when people use an absolute such as always so vehemently. Always, to me, means unyielding and unbending. Those concepts are difficult to keep in a long term relationship. Once trust and communication are established, compromise is the order of the day. No one is any long term relationship ALWAYS gets what they want. Communication and compromise are key for two people in love. Honesty never hurts either.

Now...
I know that it says "In a monogamous relationship" at the side of my profile, and make no mistake, we are. But we have had threesomes with other men from time to time. It was always consensual, even if we did it on the fly - on the spur of the moment. If Mark had said no, and he has before (in his defense the guy was kind of slutty and in hindsight I was glad we abstained), I backed off. That's what trust and communication do for a relationship.

Therapists may not agree on this particular subject. Then again, some therapists still maintain Victorian ideas about relationships. Others are covertly homophobic. Some just get tired of you. I've had experience with all of those types.

On a side note: Threesome's can be difficult physically. Having three or more in the sack requires a whole different skill set to satisfy the lot of you. An all out orgy is a different beast; its their problem if they didn't orgasm. That's just wasted opportunity.

Stop looking at me like that! I've said it once and I'll say it again: I am as pure as the driven over snow!