emotional and sexual abuse?

[Virge]

sometimes asking forgiveness is the same as asking permission after a crime.

^^^ Remember those words and eventually you'll start avoiding doing things you know you know ahead of time you'll need to be forgiven for.

IMO opinion accepting responsibility for what I've done instead of spending time coming up with excuses for what I did it means I OWN the problem and I can concentrate on correcting it.

[ks7]

I'll remember that

I hope I haven't sounded like I'm trying to make excuses. I take responsibility, because I did help create the opportunity. And especially the second time, I shouldn't have hoped he'd be different and learnt from the first time.
Some people just can't take no for an answer.

[MikeW]

Some people just can't take no for an answer.

True, and some people can't say no and make it stick. Know what you want and what you don't want and stick to it. It's your body and your life. No one else controls it (or should, anyway).

[East]

If you are in the "perfect relationship"..... you understand the value of trust and truth and communication...so why haven't you told your partner yet?

The real problem is that you went anywhere with the jerk a second time. You need to own that. You went from being a victim..to not being one....when that happened.

So...tell your BF what you did and then start asking yourself why you went anywhere with that guy again! A little self awareness goes a long way.

One more thing...HURRY before the jerk figures out how freaked out you are and decides to tell your BF himself. It sounds like he may be getting off on you being a "victim" and resisting him......

[ChadCoxRox]

I'd add that if you do choose to end the risk of this happening again with this same bozo then that means you do NOT communicate with him in any way! Block his number, unfriend, delete! If not, it's evidence for the theory of more "asking for it" or self-victimization. Those of us who have been victims, survived and then thrived can truly relate to taking total responsibility for situations like this but not without full and clear understanding of the perpetrator's responsibility.

Of course, this Bozo will hear loud and clear what you are saying when you truly say NOTHING anymore. UNLESS, he fesses up to perving and abusing in a way that promotes his own healing and moves out of the way for your own.

As for boyfriend, I'm not so sure I'd tell him...yet. I'd need to weigh that out with more and clear understanding of all the dynamics, etc. Telling your boyfriend you may have a pattern of not recognizing potential risks in interpersonal interactions is one thing that can be easily manipulated, misinterpreted and result in avoidable consequences. It depends on more factors than just a black and white opinion. I mean IF the theory of not having strong skills for recognizing risks has any truth, maybe you should get trustworthy feedback about it before you share it so that it's done in a helpful, constructive way on purpose. hmmmm.

The theory/part about the whole story not being revealed is an important piece for the big picture of "you" and even if there is no more to "tell" there's LOADS untold to explore for improving yourself to reduce risks and increase joy in "making life" day-by-day.

Next, if there is a pattern of this in your life (I'd bet my next paycheck there really is), exploring that pattern with a trusted person will reveal ways to grow and as a result change for the better on purpose.

Lastly, as noted before, none of this feedback is suggested to hurt you or put you on the defense. Just fodder for grazing that might prove tasty! PLEASE stay in touch with GS!!!!!

[ks7]

Me and my boyfriend and very communicative. This is the only thing I've ever held back from him. I've not lied about it, it's never even come close to being mentioned, so I've withheld it.
For a while after the first time I met the guy I took full responsibility, and therefore felt a lot of shame. I felt taken advantage of and knew I'd obviously done something wrong to make that possible.
After thinking I'd give this guy a second chance at friendship, he acts the same way again. This time I feel worse. I still realise it's my fault and I have an incredible amount of guilt. I feel like a cheat for allowing it to happen. But I've also reminded myself the amount of times I said no, the times I pushed the guy away, turned down his requests and resisted touching him or letting him touch me.
I love my boyfriend very much and I would never betray him. Someone else trying to physically force me to cheat, is not my responsibility. I might have allowed the situation to present itself, but I certainly did not ask for it, and I did the best I could with the way I am. It was the other guys decision to try and tempt me, even try to force me to cheat.
I don't want this to sound like I want a pity party, but when I was a child I was sexually abused by an older man. I've been taken advantage of multiple times now, and I believe maybe there's a problem that lies within that.

After reading this back I realise maybe the problem is, that even after being taken advantage of, I still haven't learnt from it. At the same time, I like to believe that everybody has good in them, and I don't want to become cold and bitter..

My boyfriend is currently away and I won't be seeing him face to face for two weeks. I will tell him the next time I see him in person.

[meridannight]

My boyfriend is currently away and I won't be seeing him face to face for two weeks. I will tell him the next time I see him in person.

this sounds good. and yeah, tell him face to face. this isn't something to be done over the phone or internet.

take care of yourself and good luck.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I agree with what's been said so fa and I'm glad that you're going to tell your boyfriend.

That said, I have a suggestion for you.

You said that you went with the guy the second time because you felt guilty.... or felt pressured.

You need to remember something. You can't please everyone all the time, yeah? It's impossible. You need to keep this in mind when dealing with others, and make sure that the person you hold yourself up to pleasing is your partner first.... BEFORE you worry about pleasing others. This means your first question when anyone asks you to do something is..... what would my partner think/feel about this.

[ETOTE]

Think of it this way:
If it were two straight people and he did that to a woman, he would be sitting in jail right now for sexual assault.

Just because you are a guy does not make the charge of sexual assault any less severe.
Have you considered pressing charges?

[ks7]

To be honest when it comes to sexual assault etc. I don't know much about what is legal and illegal.
But I don't have much evidence. It would just be my word against his? In court it could backfire. The fact that I'm legally an adult, and I knew him and then met him a second time. I don't think it would hold much ground in a court room. And I'm unsure if it's worth serious legal action?