After my rejection friend has changed a lot

[Anonymous]

I’ve problem with my friend. We’re classmates and good friends. Some time ago he confessed to me that he’s gay and that he's in love with me me. I'm straight myself so I was very surprised, but I’m quite liberal person, so I told him that it’s ok, it won’t change anything in our friendship, however I can’t respond to his feelings. He seemed to understand and we decided to not to talk about it anymore.

But now he has started to behave strangely. All the time he’s sad, depressed, quiet. He can sit next to me for an hour without saying a word. If I ask something, he answers, but nothing more. He has never been like that before, he has always been fun, cheerful guy. Now I can’t remember when was the last time I saw him smiling. When I ask what is wrong, he always says that he’s just tired of school and house works. I know him well enough to know that it’s not the truth. Once I met him and he had completely red eyes, it looked like he had been crying, although he denied it.

Could it be because of my rejection? I never wanted to hurt him, I tried to be as gentle as I can about the issue. I want to help him, if it’s because of me, I want him to know that I’m not worth it. He’ll find a guy who’ll be hundred times better than me. Should I talk to him about that? What should I say? I appreciate him very much and I don’t want him to suffer.

[BlueStar]

His sudden behavior, as you say, came some time after your rejection. Though it could be its cause, try getting close enough to see if there isn't any other sorrow behind his tearful eyes. Take care of your words as you approach, avoid hurting him with misunderstandings. Go ahead

[Uneunsae]

If it's because of your rejection, and I don't know for sure, you must understand that you might have just broken his heart. You didn't do anything wrong, he just likes you a lot. Give him time to heal his heart. He'll be himself soon.

[meridannight]

talk to him. whether it's because he got a broken heart, or something else, it's obvious he needs a friend. don't take no for an answer in this case. if he doesn't open up, then you have to do it. tell him you don't buy him just being tired and tell him about looking like he'd been crying.

also, he's gay, a little physical affection wouldn't hurt. a hug, just holding his hand, something like that. believe me, he'll appreciate that.

[matty7]

well firstly don't put yourself down - you sound such a good friend and a very caring person you deserve a pat on the back , you are not gay so do not feel bad for not sharing his feelings, not your fault at all mate , you obviously know he is upset because you cant show those kind of feelings back to him but its up to him now as u have been brilliant with him so far - he will come out of it at some point but for now just be his friend, rejection whether it be you with a girl or him with you is not fun and as your still together a lot then its hard to be around you I guess - bravo on your part though

[Uneunsae]

I agree that he might benefit from some physical contact, but I'm worried that this will send him mixed messages since you are the target of his affection.

[Cuddly]

Is he openly gay?
Does he have any gay friends?
Life sucks at times and seems pointless at others, we just have to stay strong and live through the shit so that we get to enjoy the good.

[Buzzer]

It is very difficult for someone who is infatuated with someone else who does not return their feelings to be around that person on a daily basis.

He's doing his best to cope with the situation and try to make it normal again. Be patient. He may need to take space or avoid being around you for awhile, that will be normal too if he does it.

[meridannight]

I agree that he might benefit from some physical contact, but I'm worried that this will send him mixed messages since you are the target of his affection.

yes i thought about that too.

however, it is possible to do it without sending mixed signals. simply asking if it isn't making him uncomfortable or teasing, for example. just sitting down with him, taking his hand, or hugging him saying something like, ''i don't want to lead you on here but i just want to make you feel better''. or ''i can't ever reciprocate your feelings but i hope it's okay that i hug you''.

damnit, that should set the record straight. you just have to be honest in these situations. you know the potential for him to get confused is there, so you are blatantly honest with him and remind him where things stand when you do something that could be confusing. you can still express physical affection.

i know i'd rather take it, even if there won't ever be anything more.

[MikeW]

Sounds like he was crushing on you hard. Have you ever crushed on a girl that wasn't interested in you? Well, if so, you might have some idea how your friend feels. Unrequited love can be a real bitch.

But it's great that you still want to be his friend. Just be patient. It make take some time.

It could be really sweet if you found him a boy friend. That would get his mind off his troubles. But I have no idea how that could work.