just feel like writing stuff

[lauj]

I work with people who have mental disorders. Today I was working with one of my guys and he smiles and says "I want to see whatshisface, I miss him." It so happens that whathisface is the guy that I like a lot. He would say this every hour and it drove me insane, I just thought about whatshisface every time I heard his name and took in a deep breath. And every time he said it I would reply with a whisper "I miss him too, I miss him all the time". I miss him every now and then because we spend so much time together, if not physically than over the phone. Or another coworker would be like whathisface said this or that about you. It feels good whenever you know that someone is thinking about you. And whenever he isn't there it can get lonely sometimes. Its almost like in highschool where you had that one best friend and if he isn't there, it just doesn't feel right. He'll sometimes drop by my house and give me a pack of smokes or redbulls. The other night he dropped by my place with his girlfriend. He bought some airplane bottles and we did shots together. I honestly think his girlfriend gets alittle jealous. And now I'm just writing too much and i have no idea where I'm going with this...

When i said not on that level, i mean that we have a platonic relationship and i have come to accept that. I used to have this super crush on him when we first met. And sometimes i feel that i still do like him like that but then i think of our wonderful open-minded friendship we have. I just told him about this gay guy that i just met. He wants us to double date, i bring this gay guy and he'll bring his other guy friend. I don't think I've ever met any straight guy that wants to go on a double date with his gay friend and wants to bring another guy friend into it.

I used to be so curious if he is bi or gay but now it doesn't really matter to me. I'm just glad to spend time with him. this is a jumble random fuck but i just felt like writing whats on my mind and i don't feel like erasing all this stuff i just wrote

[CarGuy65]

I get it. Sometimes we all just need to say things just to get it out there. Makes us feel better.

[Steve]

It feels good to get it out on paper, or electrons, doesn't it. If you read it written out it puts a little distance between you and your thoughts and you can understand yourself more clearly I believe. Not that it solves anything, or makes the dilemma better though.

Enjoy what you have and don't ask more from the situation than you possibly can. Time tends to resolve these kind of issues all by itself.

Feel better honey.