Dating a guy in the RAF advice needed

[veri]

So I've been dating a guy for just over two years now and he's been based around 300 miles away from me.

We have made a conscious effort to see each other every weekend. Either he comes to see me or I go to see him, this has been on the premise that he was due to be moved to a station that was about 5 miles down the road from me allowing us to live together in my house until such a time we decide to get hitched! This move was going to be for the next three years.

Now he has been told that the RAF have told him that he due to stay where he is for the next three years due to staffing requirements.

I am completely in love with him and he means the world to me and I know that he is as committed to me as I am to him. The issue is that it is grinding me down not seeing him as much as I want to.

People might turn round and say, why don't you just move up there with him. It's not as easy as that due to being in negative equity in an apartment and having quite a successful job down here.

Has anyone got any advice on what you would do in this situation?

[Borg69]

http://www.eliomotors.com/

Next year these guys are coming out with a new car that gets 86 (-ish) miles to the gallon. It's basically a motorcycle with a reinforced shell built around it to operate like a car. They're only like $7,000 (-ish).

I'm actually considering getting one.



I know I know... this probably isn't the advice you wanted to hear... but... you're in love. What other options do you have? If you won't move, and he can't, you're kinda stuck as is.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Have you considered that "it's grinding you down" not seeing him as much as you want to because you're -fighting against- the current situation?

Instead of fighting and struggling, try accepting and adapting. Gideon and I have been in a LDR (over 2500 miles apart) for 6 years. Yes, sometimes having him so far away is hard, on him. On me. On both of us yeah? BUT, it is what it is and there's not much we can do about it at this point in ouor lives.

We've accepted that. We work with what we have, cherish what we have and -focus on- what we have, instead of what "could be" or "might be".

Once you stop struggling and accept, it might help you find some peace. It also could very well help you develop an even closer bond between the two of you, as all that struggle can add an undercurrent of dissatisfaction to a relationship, whether it's meant to or not.

[Virge]

So I've been dating a guy for just over two years now and he's been based

around 300 miles away from me

.
We have made a conscious effort to see each other every weekend. ..................... road from me allowing us to live together in my house until such a time we decide to get hitched! This move was going to be for the next three years.
Now he has been told that the RAF have told him that he due to stay where he is for the next three years due to staffing requirements.
I am completely in love with him ........ The issue is that it is grinding me down not seeing him as much as I want to.
People might turn round and say, why don't you just move up there with him. It's not as easy as that due to being in negative equity in an apartment and having quite a successful job down here.

Has anyone got any advice on what you would do in this situation?

Yeah
here's first advice
Listen to Twist & Gideon cuz they're experts on keeping a LDR going. They usually have a nice pleasant way of saying things.

I know a little about it too.
For what will soon be 7 years I've been keeping one going across 8200 miles and only seeing each other 4 times a year.

My advice isn't going to sound pleasant. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that you're talking miles of distance and I don't believe the RAF is in any nation that doesn't use kilometers instead.

300 miles is nothing if you love him. A five hour drive.
There are no simple solutions so just roll up your sleeves and make it work the same way everyone else does, sacrifice, lose some sleep, swallow some pride and stifle an ego and follow your heart. It'll make you happy.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

3 years is a spit in the bucket compared to the decades of life you have before you.

It's about perspective.

I take it you two have a long term goal of hopefully marrying and settling down with each other. Keep that goal in mind and continue managing to find the time and energy to spend time with each other.

Their ain't much one can do when being in the military accept except orders from on high.

I get your position as well.... Perhaps if you two work out a plan which can get one of you to be in a better position to relocate in future that will help alleviate the feeling of hopelessness and being out of control.

Which its the control thing that is actually the worst part of this. Being forced by circumstances you feel you cannot change to be a part is going to do more emotional damage to you and your relationship than having a series of minor goals with a larger end game goal to span the distance once and for all.

[ETOTE]

So if the only thing tying you down is your successful job, why can't you find another successful job closer to where he is?

Not sure what you mean by negative equity on an apt, but if all you're doing is renting an apt, leave already. If you owe nothing and you just need a good job, then find one near him and move on already.

If you quit being scared, lazy and stubborn, it's much easier than you think.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So if the only thing tying you down is your successful job, why can't you find another successful job closer to where he is?

Not sure what you mean by negative equity on an apt, but if all you're doing is renting an apt, leave already. If you owe nothing and you just need a good job, then find one near him and move on already.

If you quit being scared, lazy and stubborn, it's much easier than you think.

I'll hazard a guess, I'm not up on my English english, but I suspect that 'apartment' would translate to Condo in real english (American English). Since typically in the UK what Americans call 'apartments' are called 'flats'.

Mind they do this sneaky bend the language thing all the time, like calling soda 'fizzy drinks' and chips, 'crisps' and calling stuff bloody when not a single drop of blood has been dripped.

But what do you expect from a people that all drive on the wrong side of the road? :confused:

:biggrin:

[meridannight]

in my opinion, the best thing to do is to just get through this till circumstances get better as to allow you two to live closer together. this is a temporary situation after all, even though 3 years is quite a long time. he won't be living there forever and until then you just have to be there for each other as much as you can and keep making it work. if you both make an effort for it it will work out.

[ETOTE]

^still not an excuse though.

May not be up to speed of real estate laws in the UK, but I'm going to take a guess it's not too difficult to do a deed in-lieu of foreclosure, short sale or a market sale at a loss, transfer the property to a willing buyer and avoid the selling process, turn it into a rental property or whatever...the options are endless just as the excuses to not make a simple 5 hour drive eliminated by getting a new job and making a move or toughing it out for a few years if one is unwilling to make a move.

Here in the states, military families move all the time, it is part of the expected life of being a military family....gonna take a wild guess and go with it being safe to assume it is most likely the same for peeps across the pond.

[Camfer]

Obviously, you can also meet halfway in between to spread the travel time between the two of you.

Long distance relationships require travel, no way around it. Life requires compromises, no way around it.

Cultivate gratitude that you actually have a guy you love in your life. Use skype a lot. Three years is not that long if your love is genuine.