First Drag Show! (+ a tad bit of social anxiety)

[Wade]

So I just got back from attending a drag show, first one I've ever been too. There were flyers around my little college town for it so I decided to go. I don't have anyone who I feel comfortable asking to go with me, so I went alone. I did run into my former boss though, which was nice/slightly awkward. She let me sit with her up front, but the speakers were killing my eardrums.

The show was great. The performers were a hoot with a great deal of variety. It was held in a small little theater with a big porch area and it was PACKED! So many people. There was a lot of mingling and a lot of drinking (also, lot's of rainbows. I wore my rainbow belt!). It's truly a great thing to be in a place where you know everyone's super cool and like-minded.

But here's where I wanna get your folks' feedback:

I used to avoid things like that like the plague. I never went to a single high school function and have always made excuses to stay away from any sort of party. I'm not completely anti-social. I love hanging out with small groups of friends, the big crowd thing just really intimidates me. But I'm trying to make some positive changes in my life. Parties and events can be great places to meet new people... I've been told. But I genuinely don't know how to do that. When I try to "mingle," I just end up wandering aimlessly for ten minutes and end up sitting in a corner because I don't want to seem creepy.

I'm past the point in my life (some days at least) where I blame my "aloneness" on other people. There seemed to be a lot of really nice, really cool folks there, but I don't know if it's rude to just walk up to a stranger and start talking, or how, especially when everyone's talking to someone else, you know what I mean?

Overall, I had a good time just being a fly on the wall, as it were. But I'm bummed that I left there without meeting any new people. Any advice? (Also, is it weird to go to something like that by yourself in the first place?)

TL;DR: Don't be a lazy jerk, just read the fucking post.

[Keith]

OH gosh i have the same problem. Any guys can show us your advice?

[East]

If you want to meet people...go up to a drag queen and express your approval for the wonderful show and her unique talent...she will do the rest when she takes you under her wing. They love fans...and approval.

As for drag shows.......

One time on New Years Eve in Honolulu I went to The Hula Hut bar for an
"extravaganza" and it actually was VERY entertaining. I had a great time

That's it for me....

We had drag shows sometimes in the nightclub.... and I hated them. The only time I actually enjoyed them is if they were too sloshed to remember the words to the lip sync......

[Aike]

I have similar problems with getting to know people. But a few things came to my mind right now:

First, do you have any über-social friends? If you do, ask him/her to go with you. And it would be a good idea to also tell him/her that you're trying to meet new people and need some mental support for it. That might seem like an embarrassing thing to ask for but I know that if I asked my own friends they'd be happy to help out and they'd be glad that I'm finally trying to make an effort.

Second, if you're going alone, you simply need an icebreaker to start a conversation. Any kind of a pretext will do. In a drag show it would be natural to talk about how everyone liked the show, no? Yes, there will be some groups who will not welcome strangers and that's gonna show if you try to talk with them. But then you just have to move on to the next one. I'm guessing it would be the best to find a group, which seems big and loose. Makes it easier to infiltrate

And yes, having a few beers beforehand helps.

Good luck!

[ChadCoxRox]

Since you know what if feels, sounds, smells and most importantly looks like... I suggest you go to some venues alone with intent and strategy!!! ...to observe and study, locate, determine, hypothesize.

It is NOT weird to go places alone. It is NOT weird to sit right out in the center alone and have a couple relaxing drinks and enjoy the atmosphere. You doing you with intent and doing it the best you can is the you someone will be attracted to. You struggling to find that "you" will be too busy to take advantage. Let your purpose be refined and planned. Strategic. Simple. To relax, to enjoy and to study.

In your observations you will begin to sort through and see all manner of patterns with people and in that mix you'll notice those who are "struggling alone" and/or alone on purpose and maybe even with intent. Do not pressure yourself to believe you must do something or find some sort of way to ANYTHING except your intent to relax, release and relate. No pressures.

Others will see you doing your thing and others will be more experienced and discern "he's chillin' on purpose" or "he's buggin', must be lonely."

As you gain comfort in the simple charge of just relaxing, releasing and observing your situation will evolve. Since you are connected here so well you'll have an outlet to process the good, the bad and the ugly.

In all, you're a wonderful guy and you will be a great catch for some lucky dude somehow, somewhere. BUT even the less than wonderful guys deserve the same and will be out there doing the same thing.

Lastly, you have refined talent. Why not structure your simple effort somehow within that talent? Within or related to what you love naturally? I'm not sure what that means because I don't know you well enough, but I know there's great truth in the suggestion from experience.

I used to love the drag shows and now only enjoy them from the web. There used to be this adorable funny man who was such a gorgeous woman that we all teased him about being such a hot broad. He loved the attention but we had no clue we were feeding his insecurity about feeling pain because he was such an unattractive man. Over time he was simply a wreck. When in drag he was flawless; otherwise, he was either sniveling in his stooper or reclusive to the degree of going hungry and unclean. Another friend introduced him to another "not so beautiful" man who was more reserved, not into the "scene" and had been showing up "a bit" for the same reason as discussed above. When these two met they connected so well that the one stopped doing drag all together except for home parties and the couple have been together for years now living a nice, stable life together posting vacation pics on FB.

Hugs.

[Wade]

If you want to meet people...go up to a drag queen and express your approval for the wonderful show and her unique talent...she will do the rest when she takes you under her wing. They love fans...and approval.

That I did do for a few of them. Having done a bit of theatre, I know how super cool it is to hear people say nice things. The queens were very nice.

If you're going alone, you simply need an icebreaker to start a conversation. Any kind of a pretext will do. In a drag show it would be natural to talk about how everyone liked the show, no? Yes, there will be some groups who will not welcome strangers and that's gonna show if you try to talk with them. But then you just have to move on to the next one. I'm guessing it would be the best to find a group, which seems big and loose. Makes it easier to infiltrate

I jotted down these notes like an alien trying to find ways to blend in with human society.

You doing you with intent and doing it the best you can is the you someone will be attracted to. You struggling to find that "you" will be too busy to take advantage. Let your purpose be refined and planned. Strategic. Simple. To relax, to enjoy and to study.

This makes an absurd amount of sense. What you said resonates with me completely and is very helpful. Thank you.

I'd also like to take a second to just say how grateful I am to have found this site. I don't understand how it's possible that it exists, considering every other place on the internet is a radioactive wasteland of meanies... but I try not to question it too hard.

If it weren't for this place and you all having helped me to feel so comfortable in my own skin, I never would've even thought to have gone to a drag show. I might have parked outside, stared at the building for ten minutes, tried to psyche myself up, had a panic attack, and driven home in tears. But that's as far as I would've gone. You all have truly helped me know that there are good people out there, and for that I am grateful.

[ChadCoxRox]

This makes an absurd amount of sense. What you said resonates with me completely and is very helpful. Thank you.

Just don't leave out the context of "alone". Since it's not the same as lonely and the place where we often might find ourselves most comfortable. Also consider your documentation. I'm a nerd. Recording, writing, drawing, playing, whatever in an effort to document the process will continue to establish the frame of the "you" who'll be found most attractive. It's okay to be into you when you work on recovering from anxiety because you'll not likely be mistaken as egotistical, narcissistic or arrogant and cultivating brings forth blooms and crops. Alas, it takes beginnings and endings and starting over and ending and planting, feeding, nurturing and hoeing. NEVER be one to avoid the hoeing.