my partner betrayed me

[distraught1]

He met this guy in secret, during the time of his running around. So he reminds me of something which caused all this pain for me. It all happened months ago, behind my back. I just found this all out, this month. And yes, I do feel many of the things you mentioned (meridannight) and it all adds to the problem

[StingRay]

I'm gonna really mess up things by saying until u put this lover of 18 years on GS to tell his story on to tell his story yours stink link most one sided storys do. You make yourself smell like A ROSE but I aint falling for it. Until I hear his side of the story I'm betting you are the manipulator who always tries to get everyone to take your side in every argument with your pity party drama.

Sources:
I know women and this is women drama

[StingRay]

What the heck! Go ahead and kill him by dragging him behind a truck for 20 miles. Peel his skin off. Stick bigger things that you tiny weenie up his butt. Do you feel better?

All he did was be human and you expect him to be more godly than yourself by his behavior.

Sorry

You deserve a FUCK YOU for that horny neurotic female thinking

[wayward]

Firstly I think Stingray's coarse wording is really uncalled for.
(Though the point he brings you might consider)

Personally, I have experience with jealousy and betrayal and confused feelings. If I wasn't 20 some years your junior (assuming you're in the same age group as your partner) I might have some legitimate advice to offer. I don't feel experienced enough to be helpful, but I like what other people have been saying. If I can offer you support I will, but I wish you best of luck in the mean time comprehending and resolving 'all this'.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

YOU need alanon/Alateen: http://al-anon.alateen.org/?gclid=CPWLhu...fgod0l8A0A

Go find a local meeting and go to a meeting and seek their help.

They will help you to see the addiction side of things a bit more clearly, and will tell you what roads are available to you to deal with his addiction.


As for cheating and relying on this 'friend' - I call bull-shit. He needs a program of recovery, possibly even 28 days in rehab to dry out - depending on what drugs he takes.

He also needs to get out of the scene, get away from old playgrounds, play toys and play mates - or he will just be stuck in using again and again.

This whole "I can do it on my own" thing is a typical denial ploy - which is basically saying 'I don't have a problem, I can quit anytime I want'.

Mid-life crises is a mess - and he has decided to make it as complicated as possible by chasing drugs.

I fear this isn't going to end well, not unless he wakes up and sees what he is doing to you and the 'us' of your relationship.

Unfortunately, the probability is that he won't wake up until the Us is over.

You also will need therapy to deal with the betrayal, and to work through all of the other crap he has done and the crap is currently done and the crap he will continue to do until he makes changes in his life.

I can guarantee you one thing, YOU do not have to do this alone, and shouldn't. Seek help now for YOU in order to prevent the side effects that will hit sooner (than later).

I feel for you, but there is nothing more that I can do except try to get you to seek help for yourself.

[distraught1]

Trouble with "straight people"is that the equate everything gay to their on thoughts....you are the epitome of the closet case hiding behind his "beard" by the way....
That ridiculous hat begs to differ with your sexuality indentification.....
so you can't be taken seriously...real people have real problems...

[wayward]

I filed a report on this Stingray character. It's not pretty when hateful assumption & ignorance are thrown into a bad mix.

[AdamAndWill]

Trouble with "straight people"is that the equate everything gay to their on thoughts....you are the epitome of the closet case hiding behind his "beard" by the way....
That ridiculous hat begs to differ with your sexuality indentification.....
so you can't be taken seriously...real people have real problems...

Will: I'm sorry that you were attacked that way. Those 2 posts were insulting, trivialized your concerns and also were pretty offensive to women. I hope you can see from the other responses that this is not how the majority of GS members behave. I see that wayward reported the posts, and I did too. There isn't any need for this.

As to your situation, IDK what to say man. My partner and I have been together a little over 6 years and I know I wouldn't give up on us without exhausting every possibility.

[Uneunsae]

I agree that those post were not just over the line, but unacceptable treatment of other people. Not many people here at GS have such little respect for others and I too am sorry you were attacked in such a manner.

[Steve]

I can't judge over the line replies very often. Whether he wrote it in haste or not, Ray's background and the betrayal's in his life may play a big part in his (I'll wager) knee jerk reply. It may not justify the comment, but I think I understand his motivation. I won't fault the man, only his reply.

__________________________________________________________

Surprise, surprise, I think Mike's advice is the most rational, even tempered advise in response to your plight.

In addition, both Alcoholic's Anonymous and Narcotic's Anonymous strongly recommend cutting out the parts of one's life that lead to more alcohol and drug use. One of their tenet's is not to begin a new intimate relationship with others until the user has spent time in the program dealing with his own problems. This tenet does not apply to you as long as you are not a part of the problem. Another staunch tenet is to stop associating with people who was a pattern in the life the user was in before seeking help. This would include the friend he desperately wants to cling to. These people often only enable the user's need to continue to abuse substances. It is too easy to fall back into old patterns.

Therapy is not an option in your partner's case, it is a necessity. Couple's therapy would be greatly helpful for both of you. Al Anon and Narc Anon are groups designed to help members of the family (i.e. you) discuss your feelings, set backs and progress toward an end point, whether the the end point is positive or negative.

Best of luck. Please keep counting on us for support. People will be here if you ask for help.