I can't figure out if the guy I like is also Gay

[SHOman93]

[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]WHOA!!!!!!
SHOman is a fast learner!
Someone give that boy a hug
and a coupon
for a free rectal exam!

Go ahead!
Slap me![/COLOR][/SIZE]

OMG YASSSSS I LAUGHED WAY TOO HARD AT THIS. LMFAO. But at the sametime I'm afraid to click that button.......*clicks button anyway*

[Virge]

hahahahahahahahaha @ SHOman...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I've only dated on guy from work, and that turned out to be my first relationship.

He did the pursuing, I will list the things he tried and my personal reactions and my motivations for my actions and reactions.

His opening gambit was to start complimenting me in various ways, EXAMPLE:

"You got a nice smile, bet you melt all the ladies hearts."

This was a cheap way to find out my sexuality. It back fired because my reply was 'I seriously doubt that!' I have low self esteem, and I hate my smile, I have uneven teeth which I was keenly conscious about. So that smile comment failed.

He tried other things like telling me I was too cute... Well unfortunately I loath the word cute applied to me, I believe that puppies, kittens and babies are cute. Men are handsome - women are beautiful. Cute doesn't play in this.

I have blind spots when it comes to social interaction, seducing me with charm and compliments isn't noticed by me, mostly because I don't get 'hints'.


After several attempts to figure out my sexual preference through compliments (which was harder since I was so deep in the closet I figured I was just naturally celibate, which would explain my disinterest in the fairer sex), He moved on to testing my tolerance of homosexuality in general. He tasked me with many questions about my opinion about (then) current news and social trends that focused on LGBT issues. We had plenty back in the day, so this task was easy. I think for the modern era 'what do you think about all of this gay marriage going on' may be a good last bastion to figure out a persons tolerance level of LGBT.

After establishing that I am not a homicidal maniac who feels that all LGBT must die, or that I'm not a religious nut job who feels that people go to hell for their sexual orientation, he started to inform me in a round about way that he was gay.... one hint was when he started talking about his ex and how he (the ex) would do whatever.

I am particularly dense, so it took about a month before I answered LGBT Current Events questions in a manner that demonstrated I was tolerant and not just "being nice" with my comments.

What was running through my mind at that time was if he was attempting to make a problem for me by finding out I was LGBT tolerant, and twisting it around to get me in trouble with co-workers. Sadly such game playing was, and still is, popular amongst bullies and those who just want to inflict all manner of ugly on innocent people for chits and giggles.

When he started talking about his ex and 'hinting' that he was gay, my gut reaction was that he was fishing - mind he didn't look gay, didn't act gay - and I survived high school (barely) were such games as pretending to be gay in order to out someone happened way to often and the poor smuck who fell for the game and announced 'I gay' usually ended up being horribly teased and subjected to constant verbal bashing, and in too many cases physical bashing. (Such was the era of my youth).

About two weeks passed of his constantly yammering about his ex, clearly telling me in a round about way 'I'm gay', with my noncommittal grunts not doing much to confirm or deny that I acknowledged his sexuality, he came up to the front desk one night (This was at a hotel) and said something like 'David look at me, I have something important to tell you' thus pulling my attention away from paper work.

"I'm gay" he said with all seriousness.

I looked at him for a moment and said something like 'Well you don't look like your gay, besides what does this have to do with me?'

All in all this process took about a month and a half.

Since I was so deep in the closet, and pretty certain I was naturally Celibate, the next several months was spent on coaxing me out of my closet and convincing me it was 'safe' to come out.

BTW he won me over with charm and being a good friend to me first, not by pressuring me or insisting that trying it on for size right now was a good way to go.

It was nearly a full month before he suggested we go see a movie together. (Dick Tracy) And whilst we were supposed to go dutch, he bought my ticket and I had to insist on buying the popcorn and drinks.

He made it clear during our early friendship that nothing had strings attached - meaning that we were just paling around and I didn't have to put out or have to 'repay' any 'gift' he gave me.

Somewhere along the line I just realized that I liked him far much more than just as good friend.


Take from this story anything you like, do not consider it as a blue-print to mastering the universe and turning guys gay.

I do think that the methods employed are useful in determining a person's sexuality. It helps to be friendly and seek to be friends first, not immediate lovers. Also you have to be willing at some point to risk yourself, your job, your whatever and announce to him that you are gay - FIRST. Then if you are in the climate I was in, you most like will have to do a bit of convincing that you really are gay and not some gay-basher just trying to wring out a confession so you can turn around and do major damage.

Chances are if this guy at work is gay, he is in the closet, if not wholly, then partially. Many gay and lesbian folk prefer to not to have their sexuality disclosed at work. being gay in many jobs is troublesome, with many a boss suddenly turning mean and nasty and if you live in a place where you can't be fired directly for being gay, they will work double time to make your job so miserable that you quit, or they will make the rules far harder for you so they can find 'good reason' to fire you.

So even if he is gay, he may be most reluctant to take a risk and come out to a co-worker. He may be more willing to come out to a friend that works with him at his job. But getting to friend status takes time and effort.

[SHOman93]

Bowyn, I'm sorry to jump into your comment but that whole situation you explained is amazing. It must have been an eye opening experience. I recently had something like that go on at work but not the same outcome. *sighs* But anyway, I couldn't agree with you more. Coming out at work is something that I never thought to do. My policy at work and out in public is that I won't tell people that I'm gay but if they ask I won't lie. I say this because even though all of my co-workers, supervisors, and I are almost like a family away from home, I just don't feel like me being gay is something they need to know. It won't effect my effectiveness of being a lifeguard. Also, there are still those 2 or 3 sleaze bags who no one likes and tease me if I came out, so I just don't.

[Anocxu]

hahahahahahahahaha @ SHOman...

Ugh!...
For the love of Lucifer. ..
Will you two get a stairwell!

[SHOman93]

Anocxu, but he hasn't even bought me chocolates yet......

[Sanderson]

Well sort of. I used to work with him for a while and finally we got to talking about going to a theme park, just the two of us and we spent the entire day together. He constantly found ways to bring up the idea of me having a wife which led me to wonder if he wanted me to come out to him. I'm not the most discreet of people so I would be surprised if he hasn't been questioning it. I just find it strange, even one of my other coworkers caught onto this and asked me if I was gay and if I was interested, I lied of course to them because I didn't want to cause work drama, but it showed that it was most likely sort of obvious. Now he has made other ideas for us to hang out. I'm just not sure if he just wants a friend and if he is actually straight or if he is gay, shy, and is interested but won't tell me. Is there any way in figuring this out? I really would prefer not asking him but if that is the only way then I guess eventually I will have to.

[Anocxu]

Anocxu, but he hasn't even bought me chocolates yet......

Lol.... he's really sentimental. ...
So you'll get some after...

[LJay]

But Iceblink, have you not heard that work is the new life matrix? Social life or privacy is frowned upon by management. You ae expected to surrender your facebook information and all other online correspondence, as well as observing all meal breaks by starving at your desk while working off the clock.

It is the new and modern way.

[princealbertofb]

This is a fundamental problem for those of us in the gay community. We first have to discern whether the guy we're interested in is gay,,, and if he is gay, then you have to find out if he's interested in having a relationship with you.

With 95% to 97% of the population being straight, you can generally assume he is straight until he tells you otherwise.

When I was your age,,, I got tired of investing my emotions and time with men I wasn't sure were gay, so I started hanging out with openly gay guys who I knew I had a chance with. It took me less than a year to fall in love with this incredible gay guy who adored me back.

Once you start looking in the right places, your changes increase dramatically.

Sincerely,
Jim

ChanCes, even...